I need to be honest and I hope its ok

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
I need to be honest and I hope its ok
56
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 5:28pm
Best of luck all!!
MaryBeth


Edited 12/29/2004 10:31 am ET ET by mbfun
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 10:53am

I don't feel welcome and I shouldn't be investing the time any longer.


I am SO very sorry to hear this. I thought we had always welcomed you, and you had received a lot of great support and advice here. I am sorry that didn't translate to feeling welcome. I hope you change your mind and stay with us. If not, I definitely wish you all the best and perhaps you will find a better fit somewhere else. Goodness knows we are all different and what works for one, won't necessarily work for another.


Hugs

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 10:57am

MB, I wish you hadn't edited this post. I wanted to have the community moderators take a look at our discussion. It was a good one. No one was angry with you. You felt it needed to be said, and it was discussed. And since you DID have a point that was important to you and because it caused such an important conversation, I wanted the "powers that be" to go over it and be sure things were the way they would like them. That is part of my position, as CL, to be sure that they see the things that need to be seen.


Seems rather difficult to ask them to look (and take your points into consideration) when you've removed the entire point of the discussion.


Ladies: I may ask that this entire thread be removed, as it seems to have caused dissention instead of the usual support we give and receive here.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:04am

I'm sorry you feel unwelcomed. When I mentioned other boards, I meant that sometimes when I don't get the feedback I want on one, I go to another and ask the same question to see if anyone there has the advice I'm seeking. Not to just abandon the original board altogether. I've posted here at Single Moms before and gotten absolutely NO response to posts. But here I am two years later, happy as I can be with the choice I made to remain. But make no mistake, I do visit other boards in Relationships too. SMAD is not my only relationships board. It's just my main one.

I personally hope you choose to stay or at least when you feel up to it, come back to our board. We haven't gotten the chance to get to know you well enough and I think for some, including me, it is hard to offer advice that will help you until we know more about you. You can share as much or as little as you choose because you still are anonymous, really. I didn't point you out as one of the email people talking about how upset you are about the status of this board. Being new, I knew you couldn't have been included on that. I'm upset by the fact that others were doing it and I know where MB is coming from, but I can't say I'd like anyone to leave just because they are in a different situation now. You do what you feel is best and we wish you luck!

Mel

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Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 12:10pm

Hi, I hope you read this post because a thought just occured to me that I think is worth some thought. You said that the issues with marrieds who were formerly single moms aren't the same as the single mothers and dating issues. True, but from the same perspective, those here that are still single and dating but have been dating the same person for quite some time (the first posts I remember from you, you'd already been involved with Jerry for quite some time) have a different relationship angle than those that like me when I very first came here had only had a handful of dates, were scared to death of the new territory of being truly single after 6 years of marriage and a total of 8 living together (not to mention that I was 29 at the time which looks a bit different than the 21 I had been the last time I was dating) and was still in the stage of "OMG, did I do the wrong thing by calling him twice on Sat?" KWIM? And in fact, I did feel a little envious of those who'd been in their dating relationships long enough to not be quite so insecure, but it was some of those ladies that talked me through it. And I do believe that there are a number of issues that we run into even when we're living together or married that are directly related to our previous identities of being single moms.

Although, yes, if that's what it's evolved to, a name change might be good or perhaps a whole other board--maybe called Former Single Mothers and Dating Members Now Not So Single which would include our living together folks. I wasn't offended by your post; a little saddened I suppose that apparently so much off board energy had been spent on the subject before anyone brought it up. And as I said if it's better for others that the marrieds not post or at least not post anything about ourselves, that's cool. I know I often share something just sweet that dh or dd did or said because I'd like to share it with friends but I can do that off the board. I post it mostly because when I became a single mom dating I didn't believe it could ever turn out like this.

I hope you don't feel that you haven't gotten support here and that you were just sharing more of a general feeling. I really thought all the ladies had given some good advice and support over your particular dating issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 12:29pm

MB, I hope you see this...

I just wanted to say that I hope you are not leaving the board permanently and realize soon that this is a good place to be. We would miss you but understand if you feel this is what you need to do.

I know that truly single moms don't always want to hear about other people having good marriages and upcoming births and all of that. But others like West have made it clear that we are an inspiration to her because she knows it could happen for her. Maybe before coming here, she wasn't so sure.

I won't share my pregnancy joys here if it bothers anyone. I'd like to know if anyone would rather me not say anything and I will take that conversation elsewhere unless I am asked how it's going. I know we both became pregnant at about the same time and I prayed for you while Jerry was not accepting it and I prayed for you when you lost the baby. We began sharing our joys together on this board if you remember and began to email each other too. I had no idea it must bother you to read my posts about my baby and how exciting it is to feel her, and how Shane has come to be very excited and more involved, etc. Had I known all of this bothered you, I would have said less on here. I hate offending people, but I know that I do sometimes. I've been known to be outspoken and I've placed my foot in my mouth MANY times. Ask Shane.

LOL!

But all the same, think about it. Take the time to colect your thoughts about this. We are not here to make anyone uncomfortable and if it turns out those of us that are married are needed elsewhere, well, that's just how it has to be. But I hope it never comes to that. I'd miss too many of ya and would have to rethink iVillage.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 1:49pm

I know this subject has been talked to death, and I apologize for coming into this at the end. I read the original post last night before I left work, but did not have time to respond. I did, however, think about it last night because some of the things said bothered me, and I would like to add a few things.

I have had nothing but a very positive experience on this board. I started out as a lurker, and after some time, I felt comfortable enough to post. Now you can't shut me up. Whether you're married or single, I'll listen to advice from anyone willing to listen to me ramble on and on. LOL.

I do agree that some of the topics like pregnancies, husbands and houses do not particularly relate to me. But I look at it this way: Sometimes its good to hear another person's story, even if it has nothing to do with you, because it can take your mind off of your troubles for a few minutes, and perhaps share sommeone else's joy. I think that if all we talked about was the same thing, it would become boring. And I also agree that sharing stories is the way to get to know someone. And it's easier to help someone if you know them, so to speak.

First, to Mel, who said this: "I won't share my pregnancy joys here if it bothers anyone". Please don't do that. This is just my opinion, but I feel anyone posting to this board should be able to say whatever they want to say. If you have to second guess every word that is going to come onto the page, what fun is that? That's what freedom of speech is all about. I was thinking about this last night, and I realized that I probably broke a major rule yesterday when I got into a discussion on the board about religion. I felt it was pertinent to what I was posting about, and I just said it, and I didn't even stop to think that I might offend someone. But that's what I love about this board. We have the freedom to express ourselves on a variety of subjects. I love that feeling of freedom, and I don't think anyone should have to "hold back" on anything they want to talk about. By the way, Mel, I too love your stories.

As for the married ladies on the board, I hope none of you ever leave. You guys are awesome! I agree with West that you are an inspiration to us all. You are the "light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak. That means a lot to someone like me. The fact that I'm 39 and still single after being divorced 7 years gets to me some time. So when Maggie wrote to me the other day that she found happiness at 44 -- what was very inspiring. I guess I shouldn't give up just yet. You really do have a lot to offer all of us. Everything is a give and take. We take your great advice, but we should also be willing to lend a sympathetic ear when an issue with a husband or house or whatever comes up. That's only fair, in my opinion. I might not have any advice to offer in that regard, but I'm more than willing to listen.

I have made so many friends on this board, and I wouldn't want any of you to leave. To my married friends: Mel, Becky, Maggie and Mindy (whom by the way was a great friend to me when I was dating my "older man"), keep being who you are. You really are appreciated by me. To MB, I really wish you wouldn't leave -- we both have twins, and I always enjoyed listening to your stories. To all my single friends: Judy, Catherine (wherever she is), Tricia, and others -- I hope you all stay to enjoy each others stories -- and hopefully -- God willing -- someday I can join the group of married ladies on the board. But in the meantime, you can share my struggles on my quest for that "pot of gold". God bless everyone.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 2:06pm

Hugs to you, Donna. I adore you.

You smile and you keep your chin up. One day, I just know it, you'll be a happily married reassuring those single moms and dating that there is hope for a wonderful, happy, loving relationship, that there is something far better than a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I share my joy and sadness because I consider the ladies here to be my FRIENDS. MY FRIENDS hug me when I'm sad, offer a shoulder when I need one, offer thoughts and prayers and advice, and don party hats and champagne (or sparkling cider!!!!!!!!!!!) and dancing shoes to celebrate with me - even if they are secretly (or not so secretly!) envious of me. We regulars, likewise, married or single or green, do the same with every single person who comes here.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 2:09pm

Thanks for the Sparkling Cider bit. ;)


Donna, I second Mindy's note to you. We do love you. You are SUCH a joy here on the board. Such a great friend!

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 3:25pm

Donna, you are such a beautiful soul.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 3:48pm

Well I for one would love to hear about your first married Christmas together and if I have to go read it elsewhere, tell me where you shared it and I'll go read. I have to say even though I thought it would be horrible due to Shane losing his job, it was nice. Family all around and lots of great food and conversation. I loved it! And Shane was amazing!

Mel

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