I need a sex guru

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
I need a sex guru
9
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:05am

I should say " we need a sex guru"..


( I am not sure if this is an appropriate topic for this board and I dont mean to distract from other serious

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:25am

Well that is important stuff.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:34am

Yes I agree.. and I have realised that this stuff is important. He is a great kisser and I love his touch and he loves mine.. Just that some of the "trcks" lol.. he need to learn better or to my liking and I dont know the exact word here but it seems he just dont know "how to do" some things ..But there are times he did it just great.. The whole flow of things doesnt seem perfect and I end up giggling ( because of the position problems..or because I felt tickled or something)..and I think it turns him off if I suggest anything while we are at it..


I just dont want to be the one who teaches him all this and by the time the course is over his romance will go and someone else will reap the benefits..lol.. I just feel it is unromantic to interrupt the flow..This is getting into my head so much that the naturality is going away..


And yes he is very tall and fit . I found his height very attractive ..I didnt think about this issue..

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 1:45pm

I love the book Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch. From the author's website: "The Passionate Marriage Approach decodes the "language" of sex, revealing how sexual interactions say a lot about you, your partner, and your relationship. It emphasizes intimate and emotional connection during sex rather than focusing on "touch techniques."

What speaks to me about this approach is that it is not about techniques but deep connection. If I have connection with my partner then it is not about what I do but how I do and more importantly how I am with my partner while making love. I got to experience some of that with CNDG.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 4:35pm
I think Mark makes a good point. Perhaps it would help if you two can discuss at a good time when you are both in a good mood? And from a standpoint of what you need to want to enjoy more. And of course practice is a great thing ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 5:16pm

I think that the "trick" here is to just be willing to talk. Even in the heat of the moment- because if he is truly interested in getting to know you and pleasing you- then he will be open to the idea of you telling him (even then) what kinds of things you like. I don't think he would react negatively if it's like "go softer there" or "rub harder" or "go faster" or "keep doing THAT" or "don't stop" or whatever- even in the middle of the action. And if you give him clues with sounds (moans) or body language (your own movement)... then he will get a better idea too- just what works for you and what doesn't. You can even guide his hand with yours.


I've learned that sex is NOT the time to try to read minds. lol


I don't know what to tell you about the height difference, but I think you could figure something out- especially if you've already found some good positions in the past. You at least have SOME good ones to go with!


~shrimpy, not a guru by any means, but enjoy practicing...

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:13pm

Thanks Mark. You have a good point. May be I am not connecting well with him as much as I should be during this process. I realise that sex can be of types : One is animalistic , mostly hormone driven and another is the one you are talking about one which involves more deeper connection.


I think for me it should almost always be the one with deeper connection involving romance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:19pm

Thanks clwest. Yes we did discuss a bit about this when we were eating lunch at this mediterranian restaurant..Yumm.. He does want to talk about it. But he doesnt think there is any serious issue. I am just unsure if there is an issue.. It could be my mind playing tricks on me.. But as of now,,,Today I felt like being alone..He wanted me to go to his place ( he spent most nights last week at my place) and hug and cuddle or do somethng together.. Why dont I pack something and drive up to him ..It is raining outside..I could see him in 15 minutes.. But here I am sitting in my cozy apt.. typing away.. when my wonderful boyfriend wants me to be with him and romance me .. what is wrong with me!!!


I am fearing that I am becoming one of those women who could not find anyone coz she fell in love with herself and her apartment.. aarghh..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:26pm

Thanks a lot shimpy.. Actually you are as good as a guru.. I do few of these things.. But may be I am impatient too..or in my idealistic romantic dreams women dont have to say anything and men know it all..


Interesting thing is that when we are sitting on a chair like ( I am on his lap) or on a couch or just lying down.. we do much better that that fixed sleep and sex time during night ..


Also I have heard some people saying that when they met their Mr. Right everything felt of so right from the start.. and they could cuddle for ever and ever and sex was mind blowing from day one..

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:18pm

I think it is inevitable that two people will not have the same desires and wants and needs at the same time as the other. I believe a good relationship is when each party allows the other to be where they are at emotionally, physically, sexually and accept that.

I'm an introvert so I do need my alone time. CNDG is the same way. We understand each other for that.

Also relationships don't have to be "either-or" meaning it either has to be this way OR that way. There can be other ways of addressing each of our needs but maybe not at the same time. What is deadly in any relationship is not communicating what is going on. For example, you can express what you want, acknowledge his desire to get together to cuddle, and let him know how you feel bad about not being with him to do that but this is what you need for now.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb