I see trees of green, red roses too

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Registered: 02-08-2006
I see trees of green, red roses too
10
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 5:28pm

I see them bloom for me and you, and I think to myself what a wonderful world...

J (who I think I'm going to call funnyguy) and I met a couple of my couple friends last night for a couple of drinks. I was concerned that he wouldn't handle it well, as my friends can be pretty rowdy.

I was also concerned that I wouldn't handle it well, as I'm not used to sharing my friends, or having a man with me when I'm with them. I thought it would be harder than it was to spend time with all of them together- it was probably made much easier by the fact that he and I have such similar personalities, and my friends are a welcoming bunch.

After a couple of drinks, we came back to my place, talked and laughed and just simply enjoyed each other. Then I realized that as crazy as it is, as fast as it is, as cynical as I SHOULD be by now, I really like him. A lot. Which scares the living crap out of me.

If I'm just having fun with someone, or just hanging out, if he's just an activites partner that I enjoy, if he's not important, he can't hurt me. funnyguy could be very important. I guess I'm at the place where I try to slow things down (yeah, right) and keep him at arm's length a little without pushing him away. I'm actually not sure I can, though, and I am not sure I want to.

I owe it to myself, and to him, to not hold him back. To not hold myself back. I'm going to enjoy this, and I AM enjoying this. I'm not thinking too much (too much being the operative words) about all of this. I'm concerned that I'll get urt, since I feel like I could be, a lot, but I'm also realizing that the potential pain is worth the happiness. I don't think that I've ever been at that place- where I was willing to risk the pain.

Tonight we're going to take the princess for pizza and then meet my friends for bowling. I'm sure we'll have a good time, and am looking forward to seeing him again.

Moody, bubble and scared and sparkly and hopeful


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 9:31pm

I love that song, don't mind at all that it is stuck in my head now.

I know how you feel, you describe exactly what I am going through right now. I have recently realized that I am still keeping M at a bit of a distance, I am terrified of getting my heart skewered again. But I still believe it is better to love and lose it than to never experience that kind of love at all. I have always taken these leaps of faith, plunged into the unknown wholeheartedly, why am I such a chicken now? I was happy just being close friends with great chemistry and a comfortable amount of commitment, but having no expectations for the future.

So here's to taking the plunge.

QB, who isn't sure she is ready for the plunge even though she is perfetly aware how huge the benefits will be

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 9:05am

Hey Moody,

Sounds like you found a nice one who has all the attributes that are important to you. And to think he is the same as you in so many ways is exciting for us to hear.

I think it is okay to hold back just a bit in the beginning to make sure he is who he says he is - but then at some point if he is indeed so true and into you - then you have to take the plunge.

Queenbun is right - it is better to have lived and loved - and maybe gotten a little scuffed up in the process of finding the right love - than to never have loved at all.

People come and go in our lives for different reasons. We may not always like saying goodbye when it is time to say goodbye - but they are there for a purpose. And who knows? Maybe this one is here to stay?

Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 1:08pm

I agree with west on this... it's okay to take things slowly. I've read that it can take 6 months to learn a person's character... Not just the outside, not just the way they appear to be, BUT their character. How they truley are on the inside. Think about getting anything new... For example at work we got a new server, and everyone was really excited because of how much memory it stored. On paper it seemed like a great deal... something made my manager buy it... However, once we got the new server and started using it on a daily basis... hmm, it's not so exciting anymore. It is slow and disconnects/locks up. We are sending it back... Know what I mean? Dating is that arena where we try things out and learn about a person. No pressure. Not to sound cynical but you see where I saying that we don't have to fall head over heals the first couple of dates. Nor should any guy expect that to happen. Nor should we expect that to happen so quickly that we pass up on the guy that might take time to get to know... Dating SHOULD take time and should not be rushed.

I suppose in the last couple of your post i sense that you are expecting to find something that knocks you off your feet from day one. Or that you are putting pressure on yourself when that doesn't happen for either you or the guy you are dating. Six months is a good round number. Give yourself time. The guy worth being with won't make you feel like you have to rush either. And that doesn't mean you are thinking too much. You are enjoying each day for what it is worth and a new relationship takes time.

Glad to hear you found a compatible guy. Glad to hear you are having fun.

One day at a time... Hugs.

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 2:39pm

I think for me, the issue with funnyguy is that he DOES knock my socks off. I have never felt like anyone else did. I don't know that I expect it, exactly, but I honestly would not date a guy for six months without feeling...something close to that, at least.

I'm not that patient, and I am sort of a dive in headfirst kind of person. I don't expect to fall head over heels, ever, really, but I expect to feel something beyond friendship or shared interests if I've been dating someone for that long.

I agree that I don't want to rush things, but I also know myself well enough to know that I oftentimes do rush things. The good thing about that is it saves me a lot of time in the long run, since I'm not spending six months with any one guy before realizing he's not for me.

I also think as much as I would love to not be judgemental, making snap judgements about someone has actually served me well in the past.

I will try to keep everyone's advice in mind, and will definitely keep you all updated.

Moody, trying to slow this freight train down


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Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:24am

Im all confused! I cant keep up with you!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 7:08am

Spec who??!

Nah, just kidding, but yeah, Spec is way, way out. J is like me, only manlier. I "met" him through OLD, we started chatting casually about 4 weeks ago. We've talked daily, he lives very near me, and we have found that we have SO MANY things in common it's uncanny.

After about a week of chatting online, we talked on the phone for a couple in addition, then met for the first time Thursday evening. Since then, things have been amazing, wonderful, heady, a little scary, fun, easy, and simply right.

Yesterday he told me he deactivated his Match profile, and I had deactivated mine yesterday morning as well. We are now officially not seeing anyone else. Things are very close to spiraling out of control, but in the best possible way.

I KNOW I should slow down, take things more slowly, and simply hold back. But even though my brain is telling me to, my heart is not really letting me this time. For the first time, ever, being cool is not working for me. Not because of anything he's doing- he is definitely not pushing me- but simply because I can't.

I thought I might maybe possibly someday be able to fall for Spec, but it's nothing like J. Nothing. Spec was lots of fun, J is lots of fun, but super-sized. And he's more than fun, which Spec never was.

I'm sure I'll get lots of advice that I'm doing everything wrong... and I welcome everyone's opinion or I wouldn't post here. BUT I also know that for the first time ever in my entire life, I'm feeling only good things about a guy. There are no buts here, there are no red flags, there is simply enjoyment. I can't help but feel like I'm doing the right thing for me.

If I'm not, I'll deal with that later, but as much as it freaks me out, I'm truly loving the fact that I finally met someone who I am willing to risk the hurt with. It's a completely new sensation for me, and I'm loving it.

Moody, thinking fools rush in might have been a better song


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 7:55am

I just want to say yeeee-haaawwww !

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 10:54am

I'm not saying wait 6 months to decide if he's NOT right for you.. I'm saying 6 months before you decide that he IS. Six month to be sure you've seen every side of him. Six months before you decide to STOP seeing other people. I'm saying 6 months because that will make me (because I'm speaking to myself too) make sure I've slowed things down. Patience doesn't come naturally for most people and it's something new that I'm learning. But as the heinz ketchup commericial used to say... it's worth the wait. Many things are worth waiting for..... And YOU are worth it, too.

Love,
Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:14pm

Just don't get married tomorrow!!

The only caution about going too fast is that you might overlook an important red flag. But you do seemed to have caught them and rejected them in the past pretty well - with spec and his living too far away and not taking the match profile off, and with DoubleD and his work hours. So I am going to be optimistic and not try to sound like your mom!! :-)

The one thing I really see that I really like, that you buried here, is that he took his profile off match. THAT is very good!!! And especially so early. I like that.

As long as you are happy and having fun, we are happy.

You need to keep thinking of happy songs for your updates, now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:02pm

We won't get married tomorrow. Probably. JUST KIDDING!!

It's odd, because I have been actively looking for red flags with him. I know everyone has issues. I really can't find any with him, honestly.

It's a good feeling, and I'm enjoying the rush without worrying about the what-might-be's.

Moody, enjoying this day for all that it is


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