I seriously wonder about myself...sigh

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
I seriously wonder about myself...sigh
26
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 2:29pm

We had such an awesome Christmas and New Years together.. Tahoe then Vegas. BE was so thoughtful in his gifts, and making me the happiest girl. So why the heck do I go and throw wrenches of meanness and insecurity into something so great??


Yesterday morning we were waking up and he (only half jokingly) suggests we go over D and C's house to watch the Dolphins game at ten am. D is BE's long time best buddy, and C is his wife. BE and C have been very close like brother and sister for years...way before me. Nothing romantic.. but still a tight bond. Sometimes BE will pick up a little trinket or gift for her when we are out because she is sentimental about things (three things mainly...precious moments figurines, the Dolphins, and her cats.) I sometimes get a bit upset only he does not just buy things on a whim like that for me...he does not seem to pick up on those little special things I love and buy them to impress me like he does with her. I love and adore the jewelry and the thought behind it...so why I focus on the spur of the moment impulsive things he gets her I don't know.


So we were lying there and makes the suggestion to go over there for the Dolphins game. And he's not even a Dolphins fan, and we hardly ever go anywhere before noon on weekends. He says "C can make her awesome Biscuits and gravy. Its her specialty..its to die for". For some reason this really got under my skin.


I guess I started feeling taken for granted in the way that I cook all the time for him and he never says anything is "to die for" and also because I've done all the cooking since I moved in he never cooks for me and DD. If I decide not to cook, he will just make himself something or offer us a hotdog lol. Ugh....he's been a bachelor for ten years!!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 2:58pm
Oh Pacs!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:02pm

Stop.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:12pm
Ugh... I know! I feel like a jerk. I wish I could take it back. Yesterday while he went out disc golfing I cleaned the house thouroughly out of guilt lol. Maybe I will say something to him tonight about feeling like a jerk. I keep thinking I will learn to not react like I do. I think I need a class lol.
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:14pm

Thanks, Isys...


I can be reactive and I don't like it. I'm trying to change!! Its a good thing BE seems to see through my idiot-ness. Hmmmm, maybe its hormones. That poor man!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:45pm

I have to say that from my perspective you are WAY overreacting. He did many, many kind things for you (vacation, holidays, gifts) and you should feel special. I'm sure he does do little things for you that you over look as it is part of your day (stop to pick up milk on the way home, fill your car with gas) just as you cook I'm sure he does other things (lawn, fix stuff) that you aren't seeing.

If you are jealous of the relationship he has with this friend, talk to him about it. No need to be angry especially when he is inviting you along to spend time with her as well.

Sorry this is difficult for you but I see no need for you to be upset.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:50pm

Well Pac, as you may remember, we kind of share this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 3:56pm

The good thing is that you KNOW you're overreacting.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 4:36pm
uh yeah...........BIG fuzzy pink slipper slap coming your way, LOL.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 4:58pm

Thanks, Laura. I thought of you and your situation when I was talking about this. I know you have the same thing going on. And like you, there is NO romantic thing to worry about. No romatic feelings at all. But yet he feels the need to be special to her and praise her and always wants to be important to her. I really need to let it go... there is no reason at all for me to be mad that he finds her special and has a soft place for her. I know he loves only me, but he loves her like a sister and cares for her that way too.


I guess what I need to do is to tell him that I over reacted and remind him how much I appreciate him and everything he does for me. In my mind, I find it very endearing and thoughtful for someone to find sentimental things to give and share spur of the moment, and I would only do those things for BE (or my dd) so its hard for me to see him doing them for her. I'll just tell him that its my deal and I'm sorry and dealing with it.


Thanks for your post. I know you are there fighting the same inner demon! With this board we'll fight those monsters!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 5:05pm

I think it's because one of my "love languages" is to do little things... spontanious...thoughtful things for BE like I will pick up a key chain with his name on it or his favorite sports team or a lucky clover. I show a lot of love in those gestures. So when he does those

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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