I still miss the jerk

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
I still miss the jerk
6
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 4:19pm
I can not believe that I still miss my ex boyfriend. We broke up a month ago today. He made me feel lonely and unhappy for the last several weeks of our relationship, but I miss that guy. What is wrong with me??? I'm not having any contact with him. He wanted to remain friends. He doesn't want to be with me, but doesn't dislike me. I know he likes me as a person...he doesn't want to date me.

Still, knowing all of that, I often think he's going call me and want to come back. What the H*** is wrong with me? I read that book, "he's just not that into you" and I agreed with the book...but I'm still making excuses and am in denial to this day. Anyway, I'm pretty upset with myself for still carrying a torch for this guy.

In one way, I'd like to date someone else, but I'm still stuck on my ex. He's off having a good 'ole time, I'm sure. Mr. Eternal Bachelor, only has to think about himself.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 4:32pm
You're human. That's all.

I can only speak from my own experience. I've had bf's I broke up with that I kept imagining would call or come by begging me to come back. I think it's partially because I needed the reaffirmation that I was desirable or attractive and partially I think it was easier to think about that old flame who I didn't really want, then to put myself out there again. At least with the old boyfriend who treated me poorly, I knew where I stood. ha. Sad, huh?

I don't know if either applies to you but just know you're not the only one to feel like this. I'm sure I'm not either.

Hugs

Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 7:24pm
You are human; don't knock yourself. I think you miss the companionship, the intimacy and the illusion you created in your head about what could have or should have been with him.

We all want to be loved. To be cherished and understood. And it is hard to be alone.

You have been through the worst of the break up and you are going to work hard to find someone who is "that into you" so you don't have this pain, nor the pain you had with him, again. So this time is pain with a purpose.

I know I have missed an ex for a while - that is natural. But you have the intelligence to get over him and move on. I can tell from your posts.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 8:46pm

Hey there. I just wanted to chime in that I agree with both Tara and west. You are sooo normal. I know that I have been just like Tara, in that I pined

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:43pm
"And you know, something else I am thining, chemical attraction is VERY powerful and sometimes very difficult to say no to. Even if you know that what you really want isn't with someone, it's a strong feeling to be attracted and think "yeah, I might not want the whole package. It might not be what's best for me. But GOSH, I sure do miss the "good stuff". That might be way off the mark for you, but that's where I've been in the past."

Becky - You are SO RIGHT about that one!! And I have been there too!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:23am
I agree with the wanting the good stuff thing. Yes, I really liked the good stuff about him. In my head, I know the bad stuff outweighed the good stuff. Obviously, I mean, he shut me out and was pretty darn selfish. I technically broke up with him, but he was only going through the motions of having a relationship with me. He wasn't with me.

I've been keeping busy by signing up for social activities in my area. I have to say that, so far, none of these things have made me feel better. They get me out of the house, but they also cause me to think about not being a couple anymore. I guess I liked the couple status. Funny thing, he liked the status of having a girlfriend..but not the actual relationship part. I know he talked more about me to his friends and said more nice things about me to them, than he ever said to me.

I will keep getting out of the house. Getting out is better than staying in and if I keep going through the motions and keep trying to have fun..someday I will be having fun. I suspect the fun feeling will creep up on me unexpectedly. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 6:22pm
"I will keep getting out of the house. Getting out is better than staying in and if I keep going through the motions and keep trying to have fun..someday I will be having fun. I suspect the fun feeling will creep up on me unexpectedly. At least, that's what I'm hoping."

I agree. Pretty soon you will be noticing the loneliness less. Although it never really goes away totally.

I find that going to see a movie is best for when I need to get out of the house and don't have a friend to go with. If you want a good laugh, go see Alfie.

Hugs to you!! You sound better today.