I think I'm crazy
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| Sun, 08-12-2007 - 12:06am |
I won't play the victim here and say that I get messed over all the time by various men. I know I have a HUGE roll in that. I think that's part of my problem.
So I know I have trust issues. Every time I tell myself this and refuse to end things because it could be my crazy ways. Usually though, I talk myself out of ending things when I really should have ended things.
Knowing this, I have met this man. Single dad, has custody of his kids, works full time, going to school, all that jazz. We met through an OLD site back in may. Chatted it up and progressed to phone calls throughout June. Our first meeting was in early July. Nice low key event. Talked about everything. We have a lot in common. But seriously, who doesn't say that? We have the same views on dating. Which would normally raise a red flag to me (man agreeing with me just to bed me down) but he voiced his views prior to me. We continue to email, text message, talk on the phone for another month. Our 2nd date was last Friday.
It was the most perfect date ever. The details are glorious, yet pointless to the story, so I shall bypass them. let's just say, I have never ever been surprised like I had. He was so sweet. What really got me though was he was text messaging a bit during the date. This was a bit bothersome, but I chose to keep my mouth shut and vowed never to see him again. How freaking rude!!!! After a bit, he exclaims that his cousin that he hasn't seen in 15 years is now contacting him. His mom gave her all his info. yeah, right, you're thinking, but the guy gave me his phone and let me read the text messages. I was so floored by that. I'm used to guys hiding the phone, or turning it off, or disappearing for a bit. This was something brand new.
So we end the amazing date watching the sun rise. Nothing too physical yet, but we decide that we're dating. Which according to both of our views, means that we're just dating each other only. For many reasons. The major one being we're both single custodial parents...limited time.
Now I find myself questioning whether he really means what he says. As in, are we dating? Is he dating someone else? We keep in constant contact throughout the day, which is nice. We've made plans for this upcoming weekend, which is nice yet again.
He keeps me in the know about what's going on in his life. Like last night, he has two women come over to his house (coworkers) to watch a movie with their kids. I, being me, started questioning this in my mind. Two actually means one, which constitutes a date. However, he sends me text messages all throughout the night and when I don't respond he asks if he lost me. I tell him I don't want to interfer with his company and he says they're occupied with the movie on his new tv. After they leave (at a decent hour) he calls just to hear my voice. I melt...but now I wonder.
Tonight, he took his kids roller skating. Text messaged me when he got home to tell me he got home. He then got on the IM to chat a bit, then had to go because he was tired. for some reason this made me extremely upset. Last thing he typed was "Sweet dreams and we'll talk tomorrow?" my response was "Good night"
I'm trying not to think bad thoughts. So trying not to. But it's hard. Seriously, Is there any help for me. Or should I take my history and learn from it and end it before it gets any further.
Thanks!
Shann

I think he sounds genuinely nice and into you from what you write. Just because you have had bad luck in the past doesn't mean you will have it now. I think you need to find a way to calm your poor nerves and just chill and let your young relationship take its course. You cannot really control this process - you just have to live through it and hope for the best. Of course if he does something to really hurt you or displease you, you always have the option to get out. And only time will tell.
I think it helps a lot to stay busy with all of the other meaningful things in your life - this is just one thing - not everything.
If you are so busy watching for something bad to happen, you won't notice all of the little good things. One example was when he was on the IM for a bit but got tired. Tired is normal after skating with kids. It was nice that he chatted and wished you sweet dreams.
Take a deep breath - you will be okay!! :-)
I agree. You have to remember also that a new person you are seeing also had a life prior to you, i.e. the co-workers that came over to watch a movie that were mentioned.
It is very hard for me also to trust new people but it's almost like you just got to let that go, but then again keep your eyes and ears open. Sometimes it's hard to acheive a "happy medium" doing both.
I know I would be tired after skating with kids!! LOL
If it weren't on the up'n'up, he wouldn't be giving you so much detail.
I know he's a great guy and a busy one at that. And I am too. I don't sit and dwell on this. Sometimes I wish I could. Yes, I know, counterproductive. But I love to analyze everything.
I have figured I'm the crazy one. And all the times I've told myself to give "this one a chance, he could be different" just to have it blow up in my face, I still do it. It's a good thing.
But I don't want to have those feelings.
I think I need a lobotomy.
How do you start with a clean slate when all the past experiences are deeply etched into it?
Edited 8/12/2007 12:06 pm ET by sb4626
How do you start with a clean slate when all the past experiences are deeply etched into it?
Well, you could write down all your wild'n'crazy concerns (they're really having an orgy instead of watching TV ) and see it they pass the
"How do you start with a clean slate when all the past experiences are deeply etched into it?"
You have to envision the past experiences as trash flowing down the river - let them go. Don't dwell on them. This is now and this is different.
If he is calling you THAT much and reporting to you that much - he is into you. You just have to trust him until he proves otherwise. When you have a guy who is into you and very accommodating you have a lot and you just have to see how things go over time.
Don't let yourself think negative thoughts - you have to practice mind control to stay positive with all life experiences.
Practice mind control! I knew watching Star Wars with the kiddos would come in handy.
Ha ha ha ha!
I shall do that. I shall take him at face value.
Oh and I'm in the process of putting the bones together for a autobiographical fiction type of novel based on my journal for a year. There's more to that but that the basics.
So, with that being said, when I get these insecure, untrusting, unfounded feelings, I shall journal them. It'll help me multiple ways.
And when my book is a best seller, I will have you all to thank.
Seriously!
Thanks again!
Shann
I agree with the advice you've been given, and think the ladies here are wonderful.
I would also add that maybe instead of trying to erase your past and start with a clean slate, you give thanks that even though you've had horrid experiences, you've learned so much from them.
Without our lives and our pasts, we wouldn't be the people we are today.
Also, since you've had these experiences, you've been more able and ready to date someone who is that into you, and he didn't just fall in your lap- you chose him. This means that your experiences taught you to choose a suitable partner.
While we never know what the future may hold, thinking about all of the "what ifs" will not prevent them from happening if they're going to, but most certainly will prevent you from enjoying the now.
My personal issue is worrying that my SO will end up like my ex. While I know my ex became who he is now because of the choices he made, he wasn't always like that- he used to be a man I thought I could live with forever. Now that I feel I've found that man again, I find myself wondering if something I do will start to make him behave like my ex husband did in the end.
I don't dwell on it, and I remind myself that time and wisdom have most certainly changed me- no doubt my experiences have all worked together to shape me into the adult I am. I also knwo that I've dated enough men I knew I couldn't spend forever with, and I focus on the things I've done differently this time, the things that are good this time.
I'm not ignoring any bad things, but instead of dwelling, I'm dealing and moving on. There haven't been any things going on that I can't deal with- I guess if there hed been, I'd have ended the relationship.
Good luck, and stick around, the women here are awesome.
Moody, ready to read the book
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