I told him...
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| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:22pm |
That he does NOT define me, I would NOT be his booty call and if he wanted to have sex, it must be understood that it will not be a F and run kind of deal. He said first of all that he never intended on it being that way and that he was feeling like he may not be as ready for it as he thought. So we are not sexual yet. I did tell him it pissed me off that he'd send me that message and lead me to believe we were going to have sex but in a way I am happy we are not going that far yet. Today, I had serious doubts. Shane was happy to hear that I felt that way about him (the defining thing) and that he's waited 4 years to hear me say that. He said I never defined him and that there was nothing wrong with that, which I immediately agreed to. So anyway, just wanted all of you to know that Mel did not hook up and will not hook up until we both feel okay with it.
Mel..feeling like being a grown-up sucks!

Good - that is a start!
I think you have to work more on being happy alone and doing stuff without him to put him on his toes.
It made me proud to say it. I have always let men define who I am and that is why I always seemed to have someone. I NEEDED that to feel whole. Of course I want love and companionship...who doesn't? But Shane will see my growth one day and he will know that he is not the meaning of my life. I am moving forward. One thing he said was that he hoped I'd get my sexual appetite under control because he'd be upset if I went out and found a booty call. I told him I was happy to hear that it would bother him since he's been so adament about not sharing how he feels about things. I told him as tempting as it was to find that, I'm not going to hurt myself or him by doing something I am ashamed of. So here we are....
Mel...just wanting to lie next to him, but willing to give us the time we need.
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