I was stupid...
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| Wed, 01-18-2006 - 5:17pm |
In November of last year I met a guy that works as a paramedic. He was my cpr instructor and separated from his wife/getting a divorce. He called me friend in class numerous times to see if it would be okay to call me and talk. At first I didn't know that he was separated, I thought that he was "married" and living with his wife, so I said no way. Anyway...he kept asking my friend, and told him that he was separated...his soon to be ex lives about 50 miles away from him with this 2 year old son. So, I told my friend that it would be okay, as long as he had his stuff in order, and was separated.
So, about 2 weeks ago the guy called me, he's 33, and we started talking. We had a date set up for last Saturday, which fell through, but we have still been talking...until last night, that is.
In the last 2 weeks he has been very nice, told me that he wasn't getting back with his wife, told me that he would like to start dating, etc. Well...Saturday we were supposed to get together at 6:30. At 5 he called me and told me that his stbx was rushed to the hospital w/ appendicitus (sp?) and he had to go get his son. He called me soon after and told me that he didn't have to get his son until later and wanted to know if I still wanted to go out. By that time I had made plans with some friends and told him that we could go out the following weekend or something.
Last night we were talking on the phone and then ended up talking online. He was flirting and stuff, and then all of a sudden told me that he was going through a lot right now and didn't think it was really fair to me to drag me into all of this. He also said that he didn't know if he wanted to get back w/ his wife, who has decided to put the divorce on hold as of 4 days ago, but said that if he were to get involved w/ me he knows that he would fall very hard very fast.
I was more than a little upset. The entire reason I didn't even want to talk to him in the first place was I figured all of this would happen. Furthermore, I'm not in the habit of talking to married men, but I figured since he was separated and getting a divorce then it would be okay (for some reason). I didn't actually know though how long he had been separated until today when he told me. He's only been separated for about 6 weeks - the exact amount of time that he's been trying to call me and talk. If I had known that, it would have been a huge red flag and I would have definitly put a stop to it.
I feel bad in a lot ways. I mean, it's not like I had anything invested in this thing. But on one hand I feel bad b/c I feel like he used me in some ways, and on the other hand, I feel like I've done something terrible (untentionally though - in my mind). I never would have agreed to let him call me if I had in any way known that he hadn't been separated very long and that he thought he was going to go back to his wife. I also feel bad b/c I did have a strong interest in this guy, for some odd reason. But I guess that at least I found out now before anything could have progressed. In an odd way I feel like the other woman, when really we didn't do anything but talk. But he became emotionally involved with me by telling me things and saying things that he really had no business doing if he wasn't sure about his thoughts and feelings with all of his drama.
But I ended out conversation today telling him that I hoped everything worked out for him. He said that he still wanted to talk, etc., but I told him no. He needs to get his life in order and not involve me in the process...I have my own drama to deal with.
Oh well...lol
Kait

I've learned a lesson: Never date separated men, they have to be totally free. It's always a mess cause they're always emotionally confused.
I have learned this from my friends' experiences. You are right in that you should'nt talk to him, you don't wanna become the other woman.
Kait,
Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
I just want to ask though....
if this was really nothing....especially considering that we didn't even go out on a date or anything, why do I still feel so bad?
Kait
Stephanie
I'm not sure why you feel bad, maybe because you feel misled.