i will never understand men

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
i will never understand men
5
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 11:52am

I have been dating a man now for over 5 months. he says i'm beautiful, smart and funny. he seems totally in love. i have a son and do not get very time alone. what is confusing to me is this. this man has still not introduced me to his family who live very close by, will not go with me to family functions and will not spend the night with me hardly ever. my son was out of town for 2 nights but on the second night after we'd spent a day and night together, said he had to have his "wind down" time and wouldn't let me spend the night. i am so sick of hearing this from guys. what is this all about? and why don't we women need it? haha i mean i like having time to myself as much as any guy, but when the sex is great, you are getting along great, and they seem to think the world of you, what is this all about? i do not think i will ever understand men. or learn how not to take the "alone time" defensively. especially when i don't have that much spare time for this man. he swears he loves me but says if i cannot accept him the way he is, then i need to move on. he also won't go on vacations cause he says he's a homebody. ?? is this possible to be this anti-social or is he avoiding a "real" relationship? he also has been off work for a couple months and doesn't really know his "path". maybe that's the problem. ha i love him alot just not sure if he's worth my effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 1:43pm
I think it's time that you take his advice and move on. It sounds like he's only giving you enough attention to get the great sex out of you. He's not interested in a deeper relationship. It can't be any clearer than him telling you that if you "cannot accept him the way he is, then you need to move on." It sounds like he's just not that into you, he's into having sex with you, with very little effort on his part. Drop him or atleast drop the sex and see if he still hangs around. If he's not willing to put a little more effort into you, then he's not worth your effort or your company.
hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 3:38pm

Alone time- part of a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship (especially for us introverts)

Hiding you from his family and avoiding family functions, kicking you out after sex- not a part of a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

Just my 2cents

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 7:27pm
Some of what you said sounds suspicious, like what does he have going on in his life that he doesn't want you to know about. The rest is covered in red flags that he doesn't seem to be relationship material. Won't go on vacation? Won't do family functions as a couple? It sounds like he won't *be* part of a couple.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 2:21pm

The guy you are describing is "emotionally unavailable". I wouldn't waste any more precious time on him. I've been there, done that. There is actually a man out there for you who would just want to eat you up with a spoon and spend as much time with you as possible. You just need to find him.

This guy you're with right now.....is just great sex and that's it. He's telling you if you don't like it, then move on. Sounds like you don't like it. Move on. He won't change. He'll just see you less and less until there's absolutely nothing left.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 9:34pm

Hello Hazelnut893,

Welcome to our board. I agree with everyone's posts. My first gut feeling is that he is just using you for the sex and is not that into you or doesn't want a relationship. If he did he would be dying to show you off, make plans, be with you and be employed.

Be done with him and find the one that will treat you right. He is out there!!

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