If he's trying to drive me away....
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 04-22-2007 - 9:33am |
It's working. Shane knows that I have a job and that I work 7AM to 3. He also knows that it has been his duty to get my son to school because I leave at 630. So he says he's moving out this week and I asked him if he planned to be at our house at 630 for me to leave. He said no. I told him my shift begins at 7 and I cannot leave Dylan at home alone and cannot leave work to take him nor can I be late. He said I"d just have to figure out a new shift to work and work that out with my boss. I objected and he said he'd come up here and talk to my "faggoty A** boss" (he's gay so that means it's okay for him to say that, I guess) "and tell his superior about him hiring his boyfriend in a cushy job with no weekends or holidays so he has no choice but to give me what I want". Oh yeah, insults work well. Why do I even bother with this man? Why do I want to be married to him? This is ridiculous. His moving out is affecting my job now. I have tried to maintain a strong and positive outlook at work so I can do my job and he's now putting me in a position to ask my boss for a later shift when I was hired to work this one. I'm pissed, no doubt!
~Mel~

Pages
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm also sorry Shane didn't give you more advanced notice, but you can and will get through it.
My recommendation would be to find a reliable neighbor or teenaged sitter to get your son to school for the immediate future, and look for a longer term solution. this may well be a sitter in the mornings, or perhaps another shift at work.
I would also say that handling the situation will prove to you that you're strong, can handle anything, and don't need Shane or his crap.
Meanwhile, I'd also get a visitation schedule set up, as well as child support. He is obviously not interested in helping you out right now, so I would plan on simply getting something set up so he can still see the kids but you aren't waiting around for him or his schedule.
Then get busy. Don't be sitting at home- take the kids to a park, enjoy the sunshine, whatever you want. make playdates, go to lunch wit your girlfriends, whatever it is that makes you happy.
Good luck, and we're always here
Moody, who would put up with so much less than you have already!
Powered by CGISpy.com
Mel,
I think you should stop relying on Shane for anything.
Mel,
I really think after reading this, that you have to start thinking of how you are really going to live your life without him. Job, childcare, finances - stuff like that. Crunch the numbers and start thinking of how you are going to make it on your own.
You can do it - and you might have no other choice. So it is better to be prepared.
There is someone who can watch your son - or you can find a different job or renegotiate the work thing. There is a solution and you have to be the one to find it.
Sorry you have to go through this.
I am going to talk to my boss Tuesday when he gets back in from his trip. I am off that day so I can come in and have a chat with him. I will tell h im I need 8-4 until he can get me transferred to another office where I work no weekends and 8-5 only M-F. There are openings and I have applied to one where I worked before so they have no reason NOT to hire me. That way I have the school thing covered, but Shane needs to realize that until I get that issue situated, he has to stay in the house a couple more days.
I refuse to ask another thing of him other than what he is obligated to do. He has promised to refi the house in the next few months and use the money he gets out of that to pay off my debts so I have nothing to worry about. I believe he will be generous with that because he's quite generous with cash, just not favors, apparently. Well, unless it is other than me. So maybe he will fail me.
Personally, my feeling is that I will end up telling him I am done and that the divorce needs to happen. I'm sick of this crap. I love him but good sex is not the glue for a good relationship and now, we aren't even having that. So basically we have nothing.
~Mel~
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker
The way I see it, is if he says he will, he'd better. I am not going to be stupid about this one. I was last time. I plan to get him to put all his promises in writing and sign them. Then I will get it notarized. I will seal it in an envelope and lock it in my briefcase and hide that where he cannot find it. I also have other stuff in there that will put him in a bad spot if he challenges me. He promised to take care of us...well, then do it and don't go back on it. I will make sure we are alright.
~Melissa~
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker
Mel,
I wouldn't just get something notarized- I would file it in court as an order.
Mel,
I think you should try to put your ducks in a huddle here. If I was you I would try to figure out exactly what you have in the way of equity in the house and debt. Try to get a picture of what is going to happen when you split in half so you can start thinking of how you should do it. Talk to a lawyer now.
Because signing papers and hiding them in a briefcase is not going to get you to the end goal in the best shape. You have to have knowledge and a good plan and ask for what is fair for you up front. If you have records of what you have now you are in a better place and know what you are up against.
I agree that you should go and live at home if you can so you can do something a little better on the job front and get the help and support you will need with 2 small children. Maybe he can have a choice of alimony or let you live at home so you can get back on your feet?
Because you know he is a smooth talker and I have a sickening feeling he is going to BS his way out of doing anything concrete that will help you. It might cost you a lot of money to refinance the house when you are better off putting it on the market. Loans are expensive right now - the interest rates are high, they charge a lot of money - like $5K or $10K for closing costs. And then how are you going to be able to afford the mortgage by yourself? Or how is he going to afford the mortgage by himself when he has to pay you child support?
You surely don't want him using the house as leverage to say he can provide Emily a better home and then try to match a full blown custody battle.
Don't ever underestimate what he can do. A man who feels dumped or jilted can be very bad - look at the stories of the men who kill their children and then themselves. Everyone is always so surprised.
And if you have a lot of knowledge about the dollars and cents you are going to be a lot more effective in getting what you deserve and need.
Okay - hope this helps. Keep us posted. But do go and talk to a lawyer.
Another point- if he refinances the house and then doesn't pay you or the bank, then what?
You know that Alison, Judy and I are one of the one's that know you the longest and know the whole Shane deal since day one. What Alison and Judy said (as well as the other ladies), but what they said, is REALLY AWESOME advice and you need to take it. Don't under estimate any man and his money. Men are focused on money. Out of a million men that I have been with, everyone of them will do anything to fiercly protect it. They will cheat every penny even out of their children if they think they can keep a dime for themselves. I am serious. I have seen it time and time again. It has sickened me. I am not saying that sometimes their are women that take a man for every dime, but I have seen a woman being put through the cleaners and left nothing to support the children alot more then the other way around. They will lie and cheat and hide funds whereever they can. If you have any of his paperwork in the house, you need to take it ALL. Copy every piece of financial paper of his. You need to think smart now. Because he will hide it all. He has a big mouth right now, but I gtd. you, he isn't going to stick to it. I've been through it twice. I very very recently broke off my engagement for the same reason. I became smart a long time ago and have learned to watch very carefully and listen even more carefully. I started to think like a man the minute my X walked out. My X DF was paying way too much childsupport and he wanted me to start supporting him, by paying for is mortgage but not being put on his house. HE also wanted me to pay for all family vacations and the certain lifestyle that he felt we needed to brag about. NO WAY. I soon realized that he was banking on my bank account. I waited a few more months until I was SURE that was the reason and finally Donna and her family noticed it too and said I was smart to cover my butt. As soon as DF noticed I wasn't going to dish out money for his and his childrens lifestyle, he wasn't too happy and then it really hit the fan. Totally long story, but he would constantly lie to his X about the real money he was making, etc. etc. Trying to pull fast one's. That is what made the red flag go up. I don't want a liar and cheat anymore. I already dealt with two in my past and now I dot all my i's and cross my t's. You need to do the same Mel. Chin up, it's hard, it's a disaster, but in the end we all stand strong and we all come out of it. You'll be ok. Take the advice and start moving closer to family and friends. It will help.
Pages