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| Tue, 03-07-2006 - 3:26pm |
I would like to tell you guys something cool that happened over the weekend. I really had a nice weekend, it kind of all just fell into place.
Friday night I dropped my kids off at their dads and headed over to my BF's house. He made me pasta for dinner, and then we just watched DVD's and relaxed. Saturday evening we were going to meet his dad and stepmom for dinner, because he wanted his dad to meet me. He warned me that his dad is old, crabby and bipolar, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Well, his dad is a bit on the crabby side, but overall, he seems very nice, and we had a nice dinner. When we were leaving the restaurant, his dad walked over to my car (I drove because BF hit a deer and his car is being worked on). I went to shake his hand and he grabbed by hand in both of his and he said that it was very nice to meet me. Then, while still holding my hand, he looked at BF and said, "You're very lucky ... and you better be nice to her". I thought that was cute. Knowing his dad the way he does, BF thought everything went very well. After dinner, we met up with friends of BF that I have heard about but never met. These people were sooo nice, and we had such a good time. At one point in the evening I was sitting next to his friend, Ken, and Ken said to me, "you must be very special". I asked him why he said that and he said that since his divorce 4 years ago, he has never met any of the girls BF dated. He said there's a difference between dating someone and having a relationship with someone, and I can tell you are very special. Wow, that was nice to hear.
When we were getting ready for dinner on Saturday afternoon, BF said that he wanted us to be committed to each other, be an exclusive relationship, and that by the end of summer, he wants me and my kids to move into his house, and he asked me what my ring size was. I wasn't shocked because we had discussed living together before (but not in great detail), but it was "official" this time. I told him yes, but I said that I had some concerns we needed to talk about and there were some things we needed to work out before the end of the summer. We talked for a long time about everything, and nothing that I brought up was a major issue ... we would be able to work it all out. We live 1 1/2 hours away from each other -- that's a 3 hour commute to see each other. BF really thinks that the distance is going to hurt our relationship over time, and I can't say that I disagree. He's absolutely wonderful with my kids, and they like him a lot. His son likes me and my kids, so I really don't see a problem with us all getting along.
Unfortunately, later on that evening when I got home, my parade was rained on, but that's just typical. I had gotten a call from my pastor's wife. I was supposed to teach a kid's class on Sunday starting in January. Well, between my daughter's bad health, all the things I have going on and the fact that I have spent a lot of time in Fox Lake, I haven't started teaching yet. I told her that I didn't think it would be fair for me to teach this class because I never know on which weekends I will be home, and it will be too hard to coordinate with someone else. I was honest and told her that I was in a new relationship and that it was taking up most of my time. Well, that is not what she wanted to hear. So, for the next five minutes, she rattled on and on about how doomed my relationship was, and how I need to get back to church, etc. It was very depressing.
And the other damper on the weekend was my family -- gee, imagine that. BF wants to meet my family. I talked to my dad when I got home about going out to dinner with us. Actually dad ok with it. To make a very long story short, word got to my sister T, and when I called T to ask her something that evening, she jumped all over me. She was I was in a "whirlwind romance" that would never work, and "aren't things moving too fast" -- nothing but negativity. I tried to explain, but then I said just forget about it and got off the phone, and I haven't talked to her since. Can anyone in my family ever be happy for me? Guess that's too much to ask. What really gets me is that what T is saying isn't true. I have been sooo cool about everything. No one at work even knows about BF. I never tell my family anything about him. I have been hurt sooo many times that I just take the low-key approach now. Only one friend of mine knows everything, and she can't believe how cool I am about everything -- she said she would be flipping out (sorry, I'm too old to flip out). Anyway, I decided to do dinner with my mom and dad, and avoid the rest of the family for right now. I really don't need the stress.
So, that's my story. I am very happy about the turn of events, I'm just trying to be practical and cautious still. I think only time will tell whether we really are right for each other. I knew he was different from the start, and I knew he had potential. Plus, of all the guys I have dated before, I know that we really have the potential to be a family, which is something I have always wanted. I just know there is a lot of work to be done before now and the end of summer. It's not going to be easy moving 2 kids, 3 cats (which BF is allergic to -- not sure what were going to do about that yet), and 15 years of stuff in my house. But it's a goal to work towards, and that's nice.
Donna

So, congratulations, and don't stress out...everything will be ok, and your family will have to DEAL. It's funny, sometimes family/friends get so used to us being sad,lonely, alone, dependant, that when you finally get happy and such, they don't know what to do with themselves...It's almost like when someone loses alot of weight.. suddenly the others get all defensive and threatened...Oh well.. They'll get used to it, and I'm sure that under all that, they just want you to be happy...
Thanks for such a warm and happy e-mail!
Keep us posted!
Lisa
I LOVE this story!! There is not going to be any rain on this parade my dear because you are going to open up your umbrella and give them all a big chill until they beg to see you!! I think they will warm up in time and for now they are too freaked out from what has happened in the past. Some people are just like that. You can't let it get to you.
I agree that you do not have time to teach at the church. Dear heavens, you are one poor single mom all alone with twins. Certainly there is someone there with more time who can help for now? That lady should be more gracious for what you have done but she is just being human to complain because now she is going to have to work to replace you with someone else.
This is a time in your life that you really deserve a lot after all you have been through. Put yourself first!!
I can say from reading your stories that you have done everything right this time. It is so special that this one is having you meet family and friends, appreciates you for family as you do him and how he wants to buy you a ring!! And even more super that the kids get along. Never to mention how he handled the challenge with the STD and how you two got to know each other before you became intimate. All good stuff to me.
Just focus on yourself and the kids and the new beau. Everything else is just a blur in the background.
Will it be easy on you to move? How are the logistics with the kids, their dad, your work?
Keep us posted!! You give us all hope!!
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Roxanne:
I'm not sure. I never thought I'd get this far. You're new here, but the old timers can tell you I haven't exactly had an easy time of things since my divorce. We are both divorced and not ready to jump into anything hasty, so that's why he suggested living together, to see if everything will work out. Also, I won't marry him unless he asks me. (His ex-wife asked him to marry her, twice, and he finally said yes -- gee, maybe that's why they got divorced). Sorry, he has to ask me. LOL
Judy:
As for moving and logistics and such, my work is the easiest in this equation. I work down town. All I need is a train, and he is within walking distance to the train. I live too far for him to move my way because he will be too far from his son, and his wife is a psycho b**** from hell, and she won't drive that far to do pickups and drop offs. So, I will be the one to move. The issues I needed to have resolved were: (1) his house is too small for 5 people; (2) me selling my house; and other things like schools and extra-curricular activities for the kids. I told him that as long as we were defintely going to get married, not just living together, I would sell my house and use the money to buy a bigger house, but it has to be a sure thing. I won't take that risk on just a whim, and he knows it (I had that experience before). He hasn't officially asked me to marry him yet, although he believes that living together is a big commitment. He wanted to buy me a "commitment" ring. I don't really think that is necessary, but I don't want to hurt his feelings either. I think he just wants everyone to know that we are serious about each other and about us being a family.
When we move, we will actually be closer to my kids' dad, which I am sure he will like. Unfortunately, I will be very far from my family -- but sometimes, I think that might be a good thing. I thought about it long and hard, and I really don't mind selling my house. That house I bought with my exh. I think it's time to pack up, move on and close the door on so many bad memories and start over. We will have to make a lot of decisions as to what furniture stays and goes between the two houses, but I'm sure we can make it work. I have 15 years worth of stuff in my place -- a lot to get rid of -- not to mention that my house needs work or it won't be sellable. Steve knows that and has agreed to help me work on it. We have a lot to do, but like I said, at least we have a goal in mind and something to work towards.
Donna
Okay - the logistics sound good - but I really think you need a ring and a commitment for marriage before you do move. It is okay to have a long engagement period.
I think that if you both have the attitude that to fail is not an option and that you will have an enthusiastic agreement on all issues you will be okay.
What caused his divorce?