I'm curious...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
I'm curious...
6
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 6:19pm

I have an 8 month old daughter, I'm not actually single, but at times my relationship with her father is a bit rough. I love him, but sometimes I question if we are going to actually stay together in the long run. If I was single right now I couldn't see myself having time for dating, or finding someone for that matter...I know my DD is still very young, but I really can't see much changing even if she was older. Before I had my daughter and I was seriously dating someone I would see them pretty much every day. I was just wondering how you find people to date and where, and how often do you go on dates, do you get babysitters, etc.? Are relationships with new people more difficult once you have a little one, or are they easier?

Sorry, I'm really not meaning to come accross as invasive, I'm just curious!! Thanks in advance!!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 8:45pm

Welcome to the board!


From the experiences I've had and those I've heard, if you're serious about someone, you just MAKE the time for them.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 6:04am

Welcome to our board -

I agree with what Alison says - when you do want to make time you will. But dating is never easy and as a single mom you have to be very careful.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 9:19am

I have to agree with Alison, too!

You're still involved with your bf, so it's not time to even think about dating. There's still alot of things to sort out first with that whole relationship!

And because you have a newborn (well, an older newborn- but still a tiny one!), it's understandable that you can't see how to fit in dating! A baby is a very busy time!! You have plenty of time later for dating. I think you just have your life pretty full as it is. Why add to the drama?

Just enjoy your baby while your dd is still little (they grow up so fast!) and take your time. And sort through your current relationship first. But I have to tell you- it is harder to see someone every day once you have kids, obviously. But when you're just dating, it's not good to see someone every waking moment anyway, IMO. Take your time and savor life as it unfolds! No rush!

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 1:29pm

Thank you ladies so much!!!!

I was just curious about what dating is like once you are a mom, I wouldn't start dating now, or cheat, or anything, but I'm just not totally sure that me and DH are going to make it. He's just really moody and snappy, not very loving MOST of the time towards me, and doesn't help out really with the baby or the house, so half the time I really am a single mom even though we are technically together, and I don't know if he'll change his ways, but I know that if he stays the way he is being I'm eventually going to walk out of the relationship...I'm sure many of you have probablly been somewhat in the same place I am right now?? It just seems sometimes no matter how hard I try, it gets me no where with him...and I'm starting to get at the end of my rope.
I'm just kind of hanging in there right now to see what happens with him, and in the mean while just focussing on my DD. I don't know if he's just like this now because she is so young and he is still adjusting, or if this is just who he really has become??
Anyways, thanks again!!!!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 2:07pm

I don't think the grass is greener on the other side.

When you are a mom it is really hard to be free and do a lot of activities where you can have fun and meet other singles.

I think it would be far easier to try to fix what you have now - it is worth a try and especially for the baby.

A new baby has a way of turning an entire house upside down. Often the dad feels left out - men can be very childish this way. To make matters worse we moms tend to turn all of our attention to the baby and make that our whole world.

Maybe what you need is some alone time with DH and some work to get you two together without the baby and without talking about the baby.

You are in a very difficult time now. Try to give him positive ways to help instead of just finding everything he is doing that is wrong.

Try to discuss how you both are feeling - maybe he feels neglected while you feel strung out and stuck with all of the work - try to solve this.

Good luck and keep us posted.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:07pm

"I don't know if he'll change his ways"


Photobucket