I'm divorced twice - how to tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
I'm divorced twice - how to tell him?
12
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 7:24pm

I'll try to summarize what's been going on...


I'm 46 with a 12 year old and a toddler. I met a man

Arwen

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 7:44pm
Uhm, who the hell is he to judge you for being divorced twice when he's dating you behind his long term girlfriend's back? If I were you I'd get rid of this guy and fast!
Photobucket

PhotobucketPhotobucket

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 7:46pm

"I get the feeling he wants to see if there is a reason to rule me out before he cuts the girlfriend loose."


So, he wants to line up the next girlfriend before he breaks up with his current girlfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 8:57pm
Um, pot, meet kettle. Both black. I have to agree with the others. He has a long term GF and he can judge you? He wants to see if you are good enough before he breaks up with her? Sounds to me like someone with major issues. I bet you can do much better. You definitely deserve better. Try not to beat yourself up for your past. We've all made choices that we have to live with. You can't change the past and anyone who truly loves you will accept everything about you without judgement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 10:05pm

Hi Arwen, welcome to the board.

There's nothing wrong with divorce, and you should not feel ashamed of the choices you make in your life: they are what has made you what you are today, and brought the children you have into your life! Be proud of who and what you are!

As for the guy- why bother worrying about what he thinks? The guy has a girlfriend, he's off limits. No matter what he tells you about his current relationship, the fact is- you're having an affair, even if it's not yet physical. How would you like to be the girlfriend having your guy pursue someone else instead of talking to you about the problems or leaving so you can find someone who appreciates you?

Think more of the example you want to show your children- if your 12 yr was in your position, what advice would you give him?

I'm sure that you've just gotten yourself caught up in the attention this man is showing you... so give your head a shake and look elsewhere for a mate. If he's willing to set up the next girl while still in a relationship now, how long til he would do it to you? Go ahead and tell him about both divorces, and then throw in a line about YOU hating two timing cheaters...

Winter Alison

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 10:09pm
Girl- Don't be anybody's option! You deserve so much better. Who is he to judge about mistakes you have or havn't made? Anybody who won't "man up" and leave a relationship that he isn't happy with before he lines up someone else isn't worth your time. If he does it to her, what makes you think he wouldn't do it to you? LOW, LOW, LOW
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:32am

First of all, DITTO!!!! on what everyone here has said

Secondly, if I read that right he's 52 and never been married what the heck does he know about marriage and divorce? So what if you've been divorced 2x's, you had the smarts to get out of bad situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 1:04pm

Hello Arwin,


Jumping on the band wagon here. I'm in agreement with the rest. The truth is that you are the only one who knew and knows what was and is best for you. If a man

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 1:13pm
Hmmmmmmm I'd be po'ed if I knew that my BF was talking to another woman behind my back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 7:50pm
Thanks for all the feedback, I've been focusing more on what he sees is wrong with me than what was wrong with the situation. Of course, I was not feeling at all good about what was developing. I guess when he told me he was interested an entire month ago (!) he would act accordingly and stop seeing his girlfriend. When he told me he would see her, I thought maybe that was his way of saying he had changed his mind about me. That's my poor self-esteem talking. Whenever a man has pursued me in the past, things happen much faster. X and I have never even been on a date, for Pete's sake! I've been in the situation where a man is scoping out the next girl before he's ended a relationship with me, and that really burns. I think I care more about X's girlfriend than he does.
It's a different situation than I am used to, because we have so many friends in common, I know I'm going to run in to him in the future, so I want to keep the outcome
Arwen
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 8:21pm

Explain what?

That you love yourself more than you desire the misguided attentions of an attached man? He needs no explanation that you're going to look elsewhere for love- he'll get it.

Winter Alison

Photobucket

Pages