"Im Drunk Can U Pick Up The Kids Now"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
"Im Drunk Can U Pick Up The Kids Now"
5
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 4:01pm

This is what my ex called and told me Sunday night. I WAS LIVID!!!

This past weekend he had the children as he would every two weeks. Friday when I dropped them off I told him to please give them a bath, please make sure they wear the clothes I packed, please make sure they brush their teeth and most of all if he had his brother and his nephews over to WATCH OUR CHILDREN!!

I thought he was playing a joke on me calling me asking me can i come pick up the kids early because he was too drunk to drive them over!! He wasn't playing. I immediatly rushed over and he didnt have the kids ready when I knocked on the door. He wouldn't let me in his house to get my children, so I asked him could I speak to him for a minute. I WENT OFF!!! He got in my face, said that this was his house he could do what he wanted to do and isn't this the pot calling the kettle black. He tried to switch it on me like I've done the same thing he's done. NOT!!! I may have a drink or two but not to the point I can't drive while I have my children!!! Him, his brother and his buddy were all in the house watching football and drinking with my 2 kids and his brothers 2 kids all whom were upstairs watching tv. When I asked where my daughter was, he said she was upstairs sleep because she wasn't feeling well. (come to find out when i got her home she had a 102 fever)!!!

He got in my face and thats when I told him he better be careful because if I told a judge what he just did he would probably be issued supervised visitation if any at all!! (he didnt like that comment too much) so he spit in my face. (sound familiar?) Now I could blame it on the alcohol or I could blame it on his disgust and total disrespect he has for me. Either way I smacked him in the face and we started tusselling. We fell inside the door and he grabbed me by my throat and thats when his brother stepped in and put me in a headlock and took me outside to cool down. His friend grabbed him and kept him from punching me. ALL THIS HAPPENED IN FRONT OF HIS NEPHEWS (they are 3 & 6) My kids were upstairs and Im sure they heard.

I am sooooo through!!! His brother came out and talked to me because I told him that would be the last time he saw his kids. His brother was trying to convince me not to do this to him, it would tear him apart blah blah blah. I broke down crying...I AM KIND, RESPECTFUL AND I REMAIN CIVIL TOWARDS HIM AND THIS IS WHAT HE DOES???

I know he loves his children. But this is too extreme!! I wrote him a 3 page letter telling him he wasn't going to see his kids until the court papers are served on him (i filed for custody/child support a month ago). I haven't mailed the letter...because Im scared he'll retaliate by not paying the child support that I need which isn't court ordered yet. Im also afraid its going to do more damage than good for my children.

I HATE HIM!!!

Now this morning I get a text message saying "the oil on the car needs to be changed, if you dont have the money to do it let me know and i'll take care of it."

OUT OF NO WHERE??!!

*sigh*

HELP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 6:33pm

Don't send the letter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 7:13pm

I'm so sorry!

I'm so disgusted by this behavior you described...my hair is standing and I have a pit in my stomach! How very unhealthy for the children to witness this.

However, I AGREE with Jennie 100 percent. Do not send the letter and do not engage in any conversation with him or his family members about this matter whether asked or however otherwise engaged. It is possible that they will try to get another emotional reaction out of you about this or other situations. Walk away or hang up and bite your tounge until it has to be surgically put on again.

Document all facts and provide your attorney with the facts and your lawyer will provide his attorney with the documentation and be sure your attorney is getting your court papers in order. Believe me...no attorney/judge wants children witnessing this type of behavior.

I hope your daughter is feeling better...They need such TLC when they are sick like that!

Hugs to you!!!!!!
S~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:53pm

I totally agree with Jennie. Do not send the letter. Do everything she says.

I think you have a lot of animosity bottled up in you against him. While I sympathize with you and agree he is acting like a dope, you have to let this go and put the kids first. It is not about you and him anymore, it is about what do you do so both parents can be in their lives and make things run smooth. At least he called you to come and get them and did not drive with them.

Do not argue with him anymore. Do whatever it takes to finish the divorce, get child support and safe visitation. It doesn't sound like he is going to be able to handle unsupervised visitation. But don't use that as a weapon - just as a starting point to keep the kids safe and see what happens after that.

Good luck - these are tough times for sure - but in time it will get better if you lay the foundation now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:42am

Girl, I am so sorry that happened to your kids and you. Definitely take the advice given here "Document, document, document" EVERYTHING! And don't let him pay for that oil change either not unless you just HAVE to. More than likely he will hold that over your head also.

When I was going through my divorce, I got a telephone call from my daughter who was staying with her dad. She was upset, he was so drunk he had passed out on the floor, scared the poor child to death! I was so angry. I told her to watch for me at the front door, I had a friend go with me, and she came out to the car when I got there. He called the next morning and my dad answered the phone (I was living with my parents). My ex was making sure she was there with me! He was so drunk he didn't know she had left! It took all I had not to go into his house that night and beat the living crap out of him, but I did it! After that, I found myself "in control" during all confrontations. Anytime he tried to start something with me, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He was madder than he## at me for leaving and was just blowin smoke. When I ignored him, that made him even angrier because I was not about to give him the satisfaction of getting me worked up. At that point, I didn't care what he wanted and still don't.

As far my daughter who was 8 at the time, she finally understood WHY we left. She had NEVER seen him that way and I always hid it. She pretty much understood after that. It took her a REALLY long time before she would stay overnight with him. To top it all off, the dumbass couldn't understand why she didn't want to stay with him!

You hang in there and keep your journal of "facts."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:08pm

NO NO NO!


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