I'm fuming w/ anger! German MEN!
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I'm fuming w/ anger! German MEN!
| Thu, 12-02-2004 - 7:39am |
As you know I am not dating or looking for a relationship. Last weekend, I met this guy at a night club while I was out with friends of mine. Even tho I didn't really feel like it, I gave him my number because he was harmless and seemed friend material, but NOTHING more. Don't get me wrong ladies, but this guy seemed a bit feminine. He was 33 with a great job in creative marketing for various TV stations, he did 12yrs of modern dance, in a class that consisted of 95% women, but the worst is, he's 33 and lives still at home. He was in one relationship that actually lasted 7yrs and he never moved in with her.
Now, this guy was told that HE is ONLY a friend and NOTHING more will EVER come out of it. He knows I have children and he knows how independent I am, etc. He keeps telling me how taken aback he is by my strength. I am not interested in a guy that lives at home with his parents, even though he makes so much money, he could be living hog fat someplace else. Basically, to me he's spoiled, cheap and just ACK! He called me last night and I agreed to finally have a drink with him at the Christmas Market for two hours. We met up and our whole conversation consisted of me telling him I am not interested in him more than friendship, his lifestyle does not fit mine and I will not date another german again!
We say goodbye and he sends me a message on my cell saying that he felt he was on a roller coaster with me and can't figure me out which is really dumb, but he also kind of attracted to that and was glad to finally meet me again. Now, it sounds relatively harmless translating this in English, but what he meant is that he wasn't sure how to catagorize me in relationship factor. I'M NOT RELATIONSHIP factor. Or I AM but this guy isn't. IN GERMANY A HUGE amount of men in their 30's still live at home. We're really talking a huge amount. Every 4th guy. ANd if they aren't then they went straight from the family house to getting the long time girlfriend (as in 5-12yrs of dating)pregnant, then marrying and then making the wife slave, cook, clean and be subserviant to them. IT'S awful and just plain sickening. I'm so angry that this guy, who basically in my book, wants nothing but a shag, is not getting the hint. I lit into him so bad last night after I got the message, but I am still ticked that these men here think and treat the women here as if we should cater to them and thank god that they were created. I can'T wait to go back to the states. 18 months seems so long now!
Now, this guy was told that HE is ONLY a friend and NOTHING more will EVER come out of it. He knows I have children and he knows how independent I am, etc. He keeps telling me how taken aback he is by my strength. I am not interested in a guy that lives at home with his parents, even though he makes so much money, he could be living hog fat someplace else. Basically, to me he's spoiled, cheap and just ACK! He called me last night and I agreed to finally have a drink with him at the Christmas Market for two hours. We met up and our whole conversation consisted of me telling him I am not interested in him more than friendship, his lifestyle does not fit mine and I will not date another german again!
We say goodbye and he sends me a message on my cell saying that he felt he was on a roller coaster with me and can't figure me out which is really dumb, but he also kind of attracted to that and was glad to finally meet me again. Now, it sounds relatively harmless translating this in English, but what he meant is that he wasn't sure how to catagorize me in relationship factor. I'M NOT RELATIONSHIP factor. Or I AM but this guy isn't. IN GERMANY A HUGE amount of men in their 30's still live at home. We're really talking a huge amount. Every 4th guy. ANd if they aren't then they went straight from the family house to getting the long time girlfriend (as in 5-12yrs of dating)pregnant, then marrying and then making the wife slave, cook, clean and be subserviant to them. IT'S awful and just plain sickening. I'm so angry that this guy, who basically in my book, wants nothing but a shag, is not getting the hint. I lit into him so bad last night after I got the message, but I am still ticked that these men here think and treat the women here as if we should cater to them and thank god that they were created. I can'T wait to go back to the states. 18 months seems so long now!

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Can I ask you a dumb question? If you are not wanting to date or have a relationship, then why did you give him your phone number or go out for a drink? :-) (just meaning to be cute!! no harm!!)
He is obviously not worth your time!! At least you know you really want to come back here - maybe that is his purpose.
I can only guess that most German men live at home because they do not have the disposable income that we do here - although maybe it is a generational thing. It is not much better here - don't get your hopes up too high, now!!
HUGS!!
Well, it's a VERY GOOD QUESTION. When he asked me, I told him I wasn't dating and I didn't want to give him my number, but then he said, IS IT HARMFUL to be friends? So, I was a little shy to say, actually yes. So I figured, ok, to meet for a drink sometime and be friends is fine, he'll probably not call anyways, because I told him I'm not dating. I mean I have plenty of friends that are male, so it does work. It's just that I told him I WASN'T INTERESTED RIGHT IN THE BEGINNING, the middle, the end. What from NO, did he not understand.
No, he's really loaded, but it's a traditional thing to live with the parents until you marry. It's just awful, that's all.
I was talking to buddy of mine afterwards who lives here in germany, and he said, he'd be so embarrassed to admit he was living at home.
Wow thats gotta be frustrating!! I know it would bother me too - he didnt seem to "get it" at all ????
US men have their challenges too -- its a catch 22-- here men are TOO casual about things -- there doesnt seem to be a balance.
Where are you moving in the US?
Well he certainly sounds like a dodo to me. Or in German you should say SCHWEIN!! Not even good enough for Schnitzel!!
I must say, though, we did enjoy your story. I guess we should all have an excuse in our pocket as to not give out a number. "I am a tourist here - leaving tomorrow."?
Maybe what happened when you said you don't want a relationship is that you got his hopes up that you would have something in common with him - the desire for sex without strings - you know - the hop in the sack for a good time but no commitment thing. That probably made him want you more!!!
I have a friend who is married and when she told this casual acquaintance this after he showed interest, he wanted her MORE!! For the same reason.
Men just don't think like we do. Sigh...
I think you pinned it down exactly, he wanted a "no relationship" relationship. ACK!
Men, even nice ones, when they hear relationship they think "chains"...sometimes they're ready to take on the responsibilities, but they still equate relationship with responsibility.
And, like most of us, they hear what they WANT to hear instead of what's being said. HE wanted to hear "I want YOU but no relationship"...LOL It may be unconceivable to him that a woman wouldn't WANT him...ROTFL!
*sigh*
NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I have another stalker on the loose! He's crank calling my house! Why do I do this to myself? NEVER AGAIN A NUMBER NO MATTER WHAT!!
But I said I don't want a date, not even that I don'T want a relationship. That is a clue that I am just NOT interested. I even told him he isn't my type. lol
How much more can one guy get insulted??????
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