I'm going 2 get SO SLAMMED 4 this: 1of 2

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Registered: 04-08-2003
I'm going 2 get SO SLAMMED 4 this: 1of 2
6
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 11:31am

This is incident one this weekend:

Ok, I am already preparing for this worse from you ladies, but HERE it goes.........

Before I SAY anything, please know that Jesus Sandals and I had a VERY long talk this weekend and I think after last night are going to need a MUCH longer one.......

I don't even know where to start, because I'm dreading sharing, BUT you are all my friends, so just try not to freak to hard on me....

All last week JS was trying to get me to drive up on Friday night to see him. I JUST didn't feel like it. I've had a REALLY rough week and I had a lot to do and so I really wanted to spend some time with my friends. It nerved me that he was pushing us to be together this weekend, but I understood because it would be the last time alone before the girls showed up and they are NOT to know we are dating. Strictly kept as friendship.... (which caused another issue).

I need to back up a little. Because this thread is about Mr. History and JS.

Last week, some of you may have read that Mr. History has been contacting me for some time and finally called me again to come over and bring me my sun glasses (wednesday). I think I talked to him a few brief minutes and then slammed the door in his face. Since then, he has been trying to talk to me and I was putting it off until I finally gave in, but didn't know when we would have time.

We stopped dating 3 weeks ago.

Now for those that don't remember, we broke up because he stood me up 3 times and then lied to me about it. He couldn't handle us being together but he didn't want to talk about why and ran. Next day, he was back on match.com, but I had beaten him to the punch. He didn't contact me for a week and then he started sending emails and texting me about things I didn't even realize had been an issue for him and then it dawned on me that maybe it is a piece of the puzzle to why he left in the first place. The timing made perfect sense, but it seems like it took him awhile to finally come out and communicate with me. However, it was only my assumption at the time....

I didn't give him a chance to explain in the last few weeks or when he came over last Wednesday to give me the glasses.

Friday night, i went to my meetup group. We are all having a good time and one of the girls (I'll call her blondie because her hair is white blonde) that I have been aquainted with were talking and having a great time. Anyway, Mr. History calls and says he really would like me to talk to him before I leave for the beach, so towards the end of the evening, I told Mr. History where I was and he could meet me their and we could talk outside on the patio for a drink.

He wrote back he's coming over. So a few minutes later, I notice him walk in and order a beer. JUST THEN, my aquaintance blonde says, OMG, he's HERE! Hide ME!
I said: "Whose here?"
She said the guy I dated last week, but don't want to see anymore. Then she says, he was REALLY nice but he's a nerdy type and I just didn't feel the chemistry.... Then she said she never called him back. Obviously, neither felt a connection.

So I turn around and ask her to point him out for me. She POINTED at MY teacher Mr. History!

So I started asking her a few questions, I went up to Mr. History with blondie in my left hand and my jack and coke in my right. I looked at him, pushed blondie in front of me (nicely of course) and took my drink in my right hand and poured it down his shirt. Patted his shirt and walked off....

Mr. History, proceeds to stand their for about 10 minutes drinking this beer, as if NOTHING happened. Then leaves...

So blondie and I are talking and as that happens I realize a few things that she said afterwards that she didn't really mention before I spilled the drink on him. However, I felt the way he ended things and his behaviour deserved it anyways. She told me they went to dinner and then she had an extra ticket and invited him to this group event. So reality is, she had one dinner with him and then she contacted him and he went with her, but he then never called her back. So it was obvious to me that he wasn't that into her, to call her back either.

So Friday night I left like an hour later to go home... As I get to my place, Mr. History is sitting leaned against my door in a new shirt. He said he is NOT going anywhere until he finally says a few things he should have said to me weeks ago.

Ladies, the guy may have done a lot of things wrong, but listening to him made me realize I did a lot of things wrong and scared the absolute hell out of him.

I tried to explain to him that I said those things in the beginning of dating him because I didn't realize he had already feeling so much for me.

One of the issues was that I told him I don't want him getting so into me quickly because I usually have a high dating rate and the second thing was, is that I told him that I wouldn't have dated him if I had known about him buying a house (long story for those that don't know).

He just started talking to me about those things really openly and telling me how that all made him feel. How he felt that he had NO chance with me because I was already telling him that because of this and that, our relationship was pretty much doomed. Then he went about telling me how HE saw things proceeding, but he just didn't know how to tell me, because he felt I put such a guard up. So instead of him just being open and communicative, he decided to just cause friction that would force it to end- so he stood me up twice in a row.

Now I could have taken it for a lot of B.S., but he made some real sense and he obviously thought a LOT about it. He says he has really fallen in love with me, he never stopped and he realized he doesn't want to give up on us. That he didnt want to tell me those things, because I was always telling him that I didn't think he should feel that way, I kept pushing him away and then I would just try to be this hard person.

He apologized for everything that happened over and over and wants to try and figure something that will get us to where we were.

I told him how I felt he was in some fraternity life style and he said, but you are on some sorority lifestyle since the kids left (true). He said: "I have my kids (he doesn't have kids, but 140+ students) next week (school starts); you have them this week. Cat, I guarantee those days will be over. Our life turns realistic again."

I told him about JS. He knows who he is, but I was completely honest to him about that. I told him that I need some time to really think things through. How I felt about JS and why I was having conflict issues with myself. That I need as much time and space as I can possibly get right now.

I never let him into my apartment. I felt that it would cause a bad signal of hope, so we were downstairs by the pool talking until 3:30am. We were very open and honest with each other and though he is the biggest dork to me, I really missed our time together.

After 4 hours of sleep, I left for the beach Saturday morning very confused . Priscilla spoke to me that morning and I know she could TELL something was up.

If you read part 2: Then this is AFTER the part two thing:

I told Mr. History that I would like to see what happens, but that the start was so bad that I would like to do things over, but at a much slower pace and a much different pace....... that we are NOT together; only platonic dating.

The word relationship is out for EVERYONE right now. At least, until I figure things out. I have been horribly confused for weeks ( I continue to feel that way), but I do know that when I gave my nerdy Mr. History a hug goodbye: all these emotions and feelings and the smell of him was so good- I had really missed him. I missed my adorable nerdy guy with the deep blue eyes. I'm attracted to the way he is; I like that he is a little stocky, even if it might be considered a little pudgy, I even like his limp and his slightly hunched shoulders. I know that blondie and everyone kept saying they couldn't believe I DATED him. But you know what? I loved his humor. He made me laugh. I loved his bed time history stories for me to help me sleep. I loved the fun we had at the baseball games and the hiking trip or just goofing off. I loved his intelligence and that he does so much for charity and that he is a really good friend to his boys. Although I clarified that I don't like the things he did to me, but that I can understand why he may have. I told him it didn't make it right, but it made it more logical and we need to definitely learn to communicate better.

That what I feel with JS is definitely NOT what I feel with Mr. History. But I have been VERY honest about my feelings to both. Both know where they stand with me now and that I am no longer exclusive. I won't be pressured into it. If it means I lose someone in the process, so be it. If I lose both, then that's going to happen too. I have enough confidence in myself right now to know I don't want something unhealthy again. I care and like myself too much to just get into something for the wrong reasons. Who knows, maybe they'll both turn into History........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 12:00pm
Wow! Catherine you have a lot of conflicting feelings in your life. I don't know your history with Jesus Sandals but I did like the sound of Mr. History. He sounded like a great guy to me despite his lapses in judgement those couple of times. Although.... I did feel you were jumping the gun on the whole house things etc. (I understand your feelings on that matter but just felt you were crossing that bridge way too pre-maturely on that one).
My vote is still with Mr. History (although in all fairness I do not know enough about JS).....you are feeling the chemistry there obviously....I think the return of your girls and the start of the new school year will create some interesting and challenging diversions for both of you.... best of luck to you...can't wait to hear all aout it.
Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:07pm

Life gets confusing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:46pm

AHA!!! So there was much more to why you didn't want to head to the beach. I didn't see your post to me about joining you until this morning. If I had seen that, I would have known there was something going on.

Interesting development. I have to go on and read part 2 before I can comment fully.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:51pm

Cat,


((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))


I know how confusing and frustrating all of this has been on you!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 5:23pm

Here's a question: do any of us think ANY guy spends 1/3 of the time agonizing over who to date and why? I hope you spend at LEAST much time on your career and hobbies as you do over men. It just isn't that complicated: if you like someone, date him. If he stands you up, dump him. If a guy is history, it's for a reason. Move on. Or better yet, take a pause and focus on YOU. No reason to jump from relationship to relationshp as if being alone is the worst thing in the world, especially if you're trying to be an example for your kids. If either of these guys were the ONE, you wouldn't be agonizing.

P.S. Personally, I wouldn't date a guy who gets around so much that he just happens to have gone out with a girl I ran into at a social group. How many girls is he seeing? Seriously, that's random.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 7:30pm

Sorry to hear you did not work with JS. But at least you tried and now you know.

Edited to add - I was not sure about Mrhistory last night when I first posted because of him standing you up - but I read it again this morning and feel maybe he acted erratically because of what he said - that he did like you so much. The only way to know is to give it a chance.

"The word relationship is out for EVERYONE right now" - I think this says it best for you. Sounds like you just need a breather. I bet your girls coming back and getting busy with school is just the ticket right now.

And just see what MrHistory does over time. What did he say about the house thing? Because that is important to you.

One thing I do like about what you write is that he could communicate how you made him feel.




Edited 8/14/2007 7:00 am ET by cl-west1745