I'm going to have it dismissed...
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| Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:47pm |
I'm just going to call the circuit clerk tomorrow and have the whole thing thrown out. From here on out if he bother's me I'll just call the police and file a complaint.
His atty has something up his sleeve, I know it. The whole reason that wanted a hearing, besides the fact that these people just love to fight, is to bring up the whole thing with my daughter. I can't go through that or risk anything when it comes to her. She is my heart and soul and I can't jeopardize anything when it comes to her and her well being.
I figure that if he doesn't get to go through with his hearing, drag me across the coals, and fight and argue, then I've already won the battle - maybe not the war. I just don't have it in me. I'm going to call the court tomorrow and explain the situation. I'll also call the court advocate and talk to her. I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know that they will think that they've won; that they've intimidated me, but I just feel that it's not about winning or losing - it's about my integrity. I don't want to be put on trial for something I didn't do, and that's just what they want to do. They want to lie about me and scrape away at my reputation and self. At this point, I just don't have it in me to do this anymore.
I know more is coming from these horrible people and I don't know how to prepare for all of this....
Kait

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Please do not do this.
Wait a minute.....(cl-west, I'm sorry about my hat)....
Please DO NOT do this. I've been following your "story" and this person (I refuse to call him a man) and his family are derranged. They are basically stalking you and causing emotional harm to you which can and WILL affect your daughter.
If you dismiss this, they will know that they can get whatever they want by intimidating you. Stand up to them. Find that strength that is in you and do this for you AND your daughter. Show your daughter that NO ONE deserves to be treated like this.
You have 2 weeks-to prepare, to seek legal counsel (check out the DA board I'm tellin ya!) and get things in order. Please tell me you have documented all the things he has done to you (including signing up for your EMT class). If not, go back on your posts and write the dates down from what you've written here.
You have to chose your battles, I agree. But this battle is one you should definitely fight. You have the right to live your life without people screaming at you, fighting with you and basically stalking you. That is your right. They are infringing on that right. Please don't just dismiss this.
I am NOT a confrontational person, but I've had to go through this as well (it's been about 5 years now). it's scary, it's intimidating and it's certainly not fun. But Kaitlyn, you have the reasons for this RO. Him wanting a "trial" is only to intimidate you. If you (with legal counsel) show your reasons for wanting the RO, and bring any witnesses you may have for some of the things you state if possible, you will most likely win it. An RO can discuss visitation with the child as well. And make sure visitation states clearly "Drop off at X time at X location". Make the location somewhere like the police station parking lot. He is not to come to your home. Someone may have to do the exchange with your daughter (like your parents, sibling, etc). No visitation order should state "liberal" visits or "open to mutual agreed times". Make a schedule and stick with it. If you feel he is a danger to your child-physically, emotionally, mentally and if he will badmouth you to her-then request either supervised visits or NO visits (include your daughter as a person in the RO as well as yourself).
PLEASE DO NOT DISMISS this. Stand up and fight for yourself!!!!
HUGE hugs
Deb
Kaitlynn!
I too have been following your story and posted earlier.
This is NOT the time to give up! Please (I'm pleading..no...do it) listen to CL-debs1999. I remember many of her posts from a while back when I was in need and lurking. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Post everyday if you need too! Please. You will make it through. I know it's hard now but you will make it through. Explore every option available to you. You ARE stronger than you think you are at this point.
S
Kait,
Do not back down on this one.
Here are just a few numbers you can call to seek help. I'm sure there are more on the DA homepage:
Domestic Violence
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
1-303-839-1852
Provides resources to help with the empowerment of battered women and their children.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY for the Hearing Impaired)
Provides crisis counseling and local referrals for shelters and transitional housing for victims of domestic violence. Spanish language option available.
National Network to End Domestic Violence
1-202-543-5566
Provides news and information for advocates about domestic violence.
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
1-800-537-2238
Provides support to health care professionals, policy makers and domestic violence advocates through its four main program areas: model training strategies, practical tools, technical assistance and public policy.
Violence Against Women Office
1-202-307-6026
Works with victim advocates and law enforcement in developing grant programs that support a wide range of services for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking.
Family Violence Prevention Fund
1-415-252-8900
Works within communities to prevent the cycle of abuse and change the way health care providers, police, judges, employers and others address violence.
Okay...this is so terribly hard. First, the police and the court advocate have told me that I am not divorced if the papers have not been signed (went to court for divorce in March 05). Second, I do not have any papers stating the exact time or place ex is supposed to get dd. If I don't have a divorce decree and it's not signed, then I'm still married, and legally, if he gets dd, he doesn't have to give her back. Third, this family is truly crazy. I was too young when I got married and I didn't know him at all. That's no excuse, I know, and I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. It would be so much easier if it were just me, but it's not.
So, with his lawyer asking for a hearing we (me and my family) know he has something up his sleeve. I'm scared. I am on trial here, not him, and he's the one that has made my life a living hell. Why is it okay for them (ex, his family, lawyers, the entire system) to drag me through the mud. No one cares - that's very clear - our system is not made for the little guy. It's made for people who have some type of standing in their community and for the rich. I am neither of these. I'm fairly young, working my tail off in this EMT class, and raising my daughter on my own. I can't take the chance of getting up on the stand and having this monster railroad me into the ground. They ARE going to bring up everything with my daughter. I thought that I was going for an ex parte hearing...so how can they make it about custody.
I went and filed for the R/O in a different county than where I live. So can this judge rule on something that another judge already has. Furthermore, I don't even know what the other judge has ruled on except for c/s (and that's b/c I hounded the court and c/s enforcement, filed with the state, etc. until I got a case # so they would start making him pay).
I just want it to disapper so badly! (And I'm so sorry you guys. I know this isn't a domestic violence board or divorce board, but I've talked to you guys about everything, dates, guys, ex's...and you always offer such good advice and support, that I need to talk about this here as well.)
So, how can they bring up custody in a r/o hearing? If I could be reassured that custody wouldn't be the main arguement then maybe I could handle this. I don't know...I'm fed up, scared, depressed, and beat down. I just want it all to go away...and it won't...and it feels like it never will. I don't want to hurt anymore and be scared anymore and to worry about the awful negative influences these people are going to have on my dd. I just want to scream!!!! I wish I had a magic wand to make all of this go away!
Kait
Kait - don't back down or be scared. Be strong.
See if you can postpone the hearing to get more time. If you are not divorced yet then he doesn't really have a leg to stand on for visitation.
Do whatever you can to make the restraining order stick. Borrow the money to pay off the lawyer and either use him to get through this trial or find a different one. Put this as your top priority. You can pay the lawyer with a credit card and worry about that later.
Listen to Deb and Jennie - I am so glad we have Deb posting here, hat and all!!
Kait,
Stand up and fight!
You can drop the R/O thing if you want to, but you are not going to be able to skirt the custody/visitation issues.
What I'm telling you will sound harsh, but you need to be prepared for it. Any day he chooses to file for custody, he can do it. (you can do it too). You know he's a jerk, but in the eyes of the court it looks really bad if you are denying him access to DD. If he is dangerous, then you need to address that issue with the help of an attorney.
You can not keep DD in the house and hope that he will go away. I guarantee you that his attorney has informed him of his rights as a father. You will be going to court over custody and visitation issues. He is entitled to his day in court whether you like it or not. I know. I've been there and am stuck there until my DS turns 18.
The truth is - you can't really escape from all this, it is simply not one of your choices... That is his choice to be a jerk, can you change that? Do you think he will change ? The answer is NO, and it means that you must to stand up and protect yourself and you child. And never alow yourself be scared ... he will be scared of you once he sees that you are ready for ANYTHING to protest yourself and your child. You are NOT his property and he WILL be scared to feel it. Those men who can ever abuse a woman or a child are NOT brave
I am coming from an abusive marriage and i can feel with my skin all your feelings. They are OK and it is great that you sharing them, it is your step into the fight. you don't leave an infection untreated , same thing here you don't leave a thing unresolved with the guys like him, b/c he will use it again and again to make you miserable. That's how he can feel big and strong.
I walked away from my ex with 3 little children when I was pregnant with the fourth. He would not sign divorce papers ... his visits were terrible, he was so angry with me that I dared to leave him. But I had my house and I told him that if he would ever cross the line I'd call police. Once he took the kids from the babysitter when I was at work and I did call the police. They could not do much b/c he still was my spouse and they were his kids, but he saw I was doing what I said. One of the policemen had a talk with him, they filed the report... my ex never showed it but he was scared, I know b/c he never did it again.
After the divorce he did everything to ruin my new life. He was using kids for his fights ... and guess what? he did file for the custody - just to drive me crazy, to vacuum all the money that I was earning for the kids away from us ... I could not believe it but he did! He who never got up to a crying baby ... and he told the court that I have never took care of the children and he did all the parenting he could !!!
Yes I had to go thru the court, now he is on the strict schedule for visitations. That's what he got instead of custody and he also got a bad reputation in the court. And I have one less thing to worry about, he won't dare to do this again.
I don't know if this is a relevant reply at all ... but please understand you will have to resolve each and single issue with him thru the legal system or he would be using it against you. It is very hard, but it is true, Your life will be so much easier once you are done and you won't be sorry that you went for it. You need to control the situation, not wait for the mercy from his side as it won't come.
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