I'm having a hard time
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I'm having a hard time
| Thu, 02-14-2008 - 8:59pm |
I have spent the last 3 days depending on other people since my car is broken and it does make me happy to see what I do have--many friends willing to reach out and help but it also makes me feel guilty that I can't ever seem to do the same for them.

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I have been reading the book Blink - and it has so many good things about using your intuition and taking a splice of conversation and observing actions to see if there is a positive person with good integrity. Not that this book would be the be-all, end-all, but it has sort of validated my ways of taking a forenzic analytical approach in the beginning to see what they are about instead of trying to impress them. I think it is still on the best seller list at amazon. Maybe I can post more about it.
I wonder if isysmoon's friend saw things from the very beginning that should have made her throw in the towel? I don't think I would give someone a second chance if I had to plead them to live with me or watch them walk 2 hours before a wedding ceremony?
I have also found while dating and meeting so many and talking to so many this time that all men seem to WANT to find their soulmate and have a happy marriage. But they have no clue about what it takes to date and make the relationship to get to that. There are a million different reasons why they can't. I think you have to be willing to do what we see Shrimps and QB do - just a good relationship that is steady and consistent and grows over time. That is what I want this time around.
As you have said, Cat, they have to WALK the WALK, not just TALK the WALK.
The thing is that countryboy says he wants the perfect soulmate and marriage - and he likes what he sees in you. But maybe he just needs time to himself, he has other distractions or he doesn't realize that a real relationship takes consistency and patience. It is not all Hollywood sparks.
Yesterday my son was home sick from school - and I thought - this IS life - just another day. Life is about patience and inconveniences and having to deal with unexpected things that pop up. It is about developing a resilience to all of those things and more. And so is a real relationship. Maybe countryboy only wants sparks? Or he doesn't realize that he needs more than being in the moment - he has to call?
It is not about you sweetie. If it is not him then it will be someone else. You are smart to hold your heart back until you can see he is consistent.
I am sorry about the car and the job thing. Those are things that will resolve in time. I think we have all been in bad patches like that at one time or another. Something good is just around the corner.
Thank you so much--I have to hold back calling him because he really was what I was hoping to find out there...I am not going to call him or send an email...I am not going to look desperate...I am going to wait and see what he does next--if it's nothing so be it!
April
Sorry, but waiting and seeing seems to be a large part of the problem :( Since you have been alone a long time, sounds like you know how to do that well and are ok with it to a point.
Here's my suggestion. Make yourself the person YOU want to be. If you already are, great! If not, see what you need to do to make yourself feel really good about being you. If it's working out, learning something, moving ahead in your job, whatever. Pick one little thing, like cooking or being organized. Do that. Then pick another little thing. It really snowballs into you being good with yourself.
When you feel really good about yourself, the men come a runnin!
The nice twist is that by the time you feel that way, you can be a bit pickier, since you feel pretty damn good on your own and expect some quality in others. It's a win-win situation. It's REAL HARD to not let the holidays get you down. You have to focus on what an incredible person you are and how you are getting to be a better person all the time ;)
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