I'm home...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
I'm home...
17
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 1:58am

We had a nice time...talked for 3 1/2 hrs...talked about lots of things......I wanted the truth out of him and why his behavior is the way it has been. So he told me. It wasn't what I expected. He was REALLy hurt in his marriage. So he's a bit tainted. He had come to the conclusion ALL women were the way his ex was. I had to explain to him that we are NOT all the way she was. And that it really made me feel bad that he was grouping me in the same category with her. He was stunned into silence. Apparently, no woman has stood up to that statement. They just said see ya! Anyway, looking directly into my eyes

~Karen
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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 2:10am

This is what you call baggage. I would be really cautious if he does not own that and does something about it. Apologizing is one thing but working on himself and how he needs to heal and get straight is another.

Glad that you two actually communicated.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 8:16am

Glad to hear that things turned out good.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 8:28am
Sounds good that he let it out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 8:59am
I hope it all works out Honey. Just be careful with your heart!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 9:54am

I agree with what Mark and Liz has said! Although it's great that he opened up to you... now that it's "out there"- I hope you know that it's not YOUR place to fix him from his past hurts. HE has to look into that himself, and deal with it himself. If he looks to you to fix it, or fill whatever empty spots the past left behind... then you're only a pothole filler or bandaid. He needs to heal from within himself. And if you don't get a sense from him that he is doing that, then I'd for sure tread carefully in getting involved with him.


I sense too though- that you

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 10:11am

OOOOH - this is a great post, Mark!!!!! Very very good stuff for us - and how true - it is one thing to admit and own baggage but quite another to DO something about fixing it.

I do hope our dear OP uses this as ammunition and encourages counseling. Because Mcdad's baggage has the potential to become debilitating in a relationship - it has hurt her already.

I also wonder if his goes deeper than the marriage - because then I would ask - why did he pick a partner like that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 10:44am

I absolutely agree with Mark!!!


I can also relate because my ex said statements like not believing in women ... and that was a hook for me... I was sure that i would be THAT woman to restore his faith in all women.... CAUTION: it doesn't work that way... He has to deal with it on his own. Tread carefully, my friend. Don't let it become your burden.


Good for you for leaving it at one small kiss.


Loonybunny


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 10:48am
Hey Mark...I am going to be cautious. Yes, his baaggage is a

~Karen
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 10:49am
Thanks April. The only way to go from here is forward.....

~~Tiny


I want

~Karen
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 10:50am
Thanks Liz, I hope for HIS sake he can continue to grow.

~~Tiny


I want

~Karen
˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡&#1244

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