I'm loosing it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
I'm loosing it....
18
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 9:31am

my mind that is!


Good Friday to all! I am new to this board...I have been reading your very very very helpful posts since February...and I have learned a lot from all of you, so thank you!!!

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 11:34am

I think the hardest thing is to be able to just sit with our negative emotions such as fear or jealousy or anger and not do anything about it but just to feel it fully until it passes.


You can judge what you are feeling as irrational or not but you still are experiencing the emotion.


You seemed to have the awareness that this is coming from your insecurities which in turn comes from your fear of losing yourself in love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 1:16pm

Hi Mark...thank you for your wise words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 2:15pm

Hi there. Welcome out of lurkdome! We are happy to have you :o)


I can understand you insecurities. I have battled them myself. I have been challenged in my current relationship to truly work on myself because my bf (BE) has a boatload of past relationships and I've had to meet and get an understanding of each skeleton that has come out of his past.


Your situation with your bf and his ex wife's crisis sounds all too familiar with me...I'll post why in a moment. First I'll say that you are not "wrong" or crazy to feel like you do. You simply do...and in my opinion you are not over reacting here. Because you have opened up your self and your heart to him, are trusting that he will not hurt you. Trust takes time and it takes repeated acts of trustfulness. I find that how I have learned to trust even when I have been insecure, is to see what happens in the end. If I get burned..I trust no longer. But if he proves he is trustworthy and devoted,

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 2:50pm

Hi Pac...thank you so much for your reply and your welcome to the board!.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:20pm

he says that he does not feel any connection to her, that he only wants to help her because if she is emotionally healthy she can take better care of their DD.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:30pm

OMG!!!!!!!! That woman's nerve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get her a straight jacket please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I will try my very best to be supportive and not pressure him (they have only been divorced for a very short time), but help him understand that he needs to let go...sooner rather than later :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:32pm

(they have only been divorced for a very short time)


How long may I ask?

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:37pm

Since June of this year....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:44pm

Well, that sort of explains somethings. Even though he is out of love with her (and most likely she is out of love with him), it takes a while to heal and seperate emotions after a marriage (as you know!!). Its differetnfro everyone...the amount of time it takes. Some people will suggest not dating for a full year after a divirce os final. Because during that year you are training yourself to deal with the loss and how to move on and be strong.


Your bfs emotions are still raw. Be careful that he does not transfer unhealed emotions onto you. You re caring and dedicated to try and be the one during this time. My hope is that he can seperate his hurting and be able to heal with you in his life. Keep us posted on the progress!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 4:03pm

Yes...you are so right...I was emotionally disconnected from my ex for a LONG time before our separation and divorce...so time was really not an issue for me...but I guess they are still working through their divorce...hope our relationship is not a case of bad timing...ok, I won't obsess about it any more :-)

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