I'm new and could use so advise....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
I'm new and could use so advise....
6
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 12:40am

I'm new to this site, but have read what some of you have written and you all seem so nice I thought I would ask for some advise. So here is my story.. I am a single mother of three girls 16, 13, and 12. 2 years ago I met this guy who I fell for, he has no kids and absolutely no appreciation for how much time and work they are. I told him I could not see him anymore since he does not want the whole package, meaning me and the kids. He agrees that he would rather be with someone who doesn't have kids. Now he calls me when he has been drinking saying he misses all of us and that he cares a great deal for us. However, he called again another day (sober) saying he doesn't remember calling or what he said because he drank too much. What am I to believe??

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 10:55am

If he calls when he is drunk and then doesn't remember calling when he is sober that is not good. I think you have made the right decision and should move on. Do not accept his calls. Do not fall for a drunken attempt.

At the very least, he should make a HUGE attempt to get you back if he really misses you. Often times men don't realize what they have until it is gone. I would not accept a drunken call as a token of affection. It is more a matter of him being lonely and wanting an easy fix for sex and companionship.

Your first gut instinct, that he doesn't want to be a part of raising 3 kids, is probably right and the safest bet. 2 years is plenty of time to give him to figure out if he is into you and your kids. You have to put yourself/family first - "how does this work/feel for me?"

Sorry you had to go through this - but we are glad to have you on this board. Keep us posted!!




Edited 7/31/2005 1:01 pm ET ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 3:17pm
well 1st off anyone who drinks and cant remember is a person to stay away from. I would not want my kids to be around him or her.
2nd is that he does not want kids around there is no sense of trying to work out a relationship with him. if the relationship grows maybe later down the line he wont want to be tied down with kids and problems will occur.
so run and run fast and have his phone number blocked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 8:47am

If he called when he was sober to say he didn't remember calling when he was drunk, how did he know he did? Either he drinks so much he can't remember what he did, or he does remember and he's lying about it, and neither one are good things. Drunken promises to make things right don't usually amount to much, I can tell you from experience.

A person who doesn't understand or appreciate the massive responsibility of raising children is not someone to make long range plans with. You will be their mother for the rest of their lives, not just until they turn 18. That means that although they may move out and create their own lives, you will still love them, worry about them, and make plans to spend time with them. Anyone who wants to be a major part of your life should be supportive of this.

We're glad to have you here, but wish the circumstances were better.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 7:45pm

Thanks everyone for your support. It is always a good feeling to know there is someone in your corner. I'm gald I wrote and do feel better. I hope that I can contribute to your conversations as well as learn a few tips about dating as a single mother.

Thanks again..

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 7:11am

Hi AND WELCOME! You asked what you should "Believe"... here is MHO:
Believe that this guy is a loser
Believe that he is a substance abuser
Believe that he enjoys NO responsibility
Believe he doesn't like children
Believe he is most likely a liar
Believe this guy isn't worth your time, because......He isn't!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST............. BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER! Because you do!

Now, having gotten that out of the way, tell us a little more about yourself. Hope to see you on the board more often. We have alot of Believers on here. ;-)

Avatar for lizbeth30
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 10:12am

#1 the guy drinks to get drunk - RED FLAG - keep this man away from you children he is NOT good enough for you or your children

#2 its not your job to convince a man about the responsibilities as a parent. If he cant accept it move on. There are plenty of men out there who will.

Kudos to you for dumping him - now you just need to not have any communication with this man - NO CONTACT!!

best of luck in your future dating...