I'm not sure what to do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I'm not sure what to do?
4
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 11:45pm
I met a guy. Shocking. I need some feedback here. This might get long. Warning. First I met this guy through my ex. I knew three things from my ex about him before I called him. He stopped out where I worked to give me his number. My ex told me 1. He just got out of prison and why. I can take the why. 2. He was a nice guy. 3. He was not looking for anything serious. These were all things I could accept. I called him and he was nice. We went shopping one night for home decor for his apartment and I found him a rug he loves. I do alot of shopping so I know where to find things like that. Anyway he made me dinner. That was nice. He called again and we chatted. Then he was cooking my favorite food and invited me over for dinner. I love a guy who cooks because I don't like to. Well that day went to hell for me at work right as I was on my way out of the door. By far the worst day ever. But I went over still talking to people on the phone trying to sort out my work problems. Needless to say be it the food or the stress level I had sex with him. I really didn't see this as a problem becasue I knew he wasn't wanting anything serious but I guess it freaked him out. To make this even worse he just doesn't work with my ex they are actually friends. Which is how I knew he was freaked out. Apparently the next day he went on to my ex how he was not ready for a relationship. I didn't think I was giving off a relationship vibe. So I pretty much wrote this person off. But he keeps calling me. We chat. He is the guy that calls me back to say he was sorry for not calling me back sooner. Okay. I ask him a couple of times if he would like to do something and he is either too tired, too busy, or sick. I took this as a blow off. However he keeps calling and we chat. Not for long periods of time but he calls every other day. I'm a little confused here. I'd stop answering the phone but I smile everytime I see it is him calling. I think that is a reaction because I have not had sex in 2 years. People who know me are shocked I did that to begin with. I'm not sitting around waiting for him to call but I'm happy when he does. Do I think there are long term goals here no but I tell you he can cook and he rubs my feet. I work food retail and the crazy season is coming and that right there is enough reason to talk to him. Cook me, food rub my feet, we can have sex,and that really is my only expecations with this. But, he doesn't want to do anything. I don't just mean go out but he doesn't want me to come over and he won't come over here he just calls and we chat. This is the weridest thing I've ever been involved in. Keep in mind I have kept my kids out of this. They go to their dads every weekend. He will ask me if I'm working and I'll him him I'm not and that is the end of it. It is just strange. Even stranger is he calls me from the bathtub. Phone call, What you doing insert my life ie.. working, laundry, homework,ect... What are you doing? I'm in the bath tub. Short conversation then I'll call you later and he does. What is this? I would usually talk to my ex about this however this guy is his friend and he is already hearing about it. Which is funny because my ex still thinks we will get back together someday. It has got to be killing him. However my ex is now living with another gf that is pregant (he swares this kid is not his). What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 7:08am

Holy moley! It sounds like you and your ex have a decent relaitonship, which is great, but if you know he's hearing this from his buddy, I would keep him out of it, if I were you.

I think I would not be able to just let it ride- if you want to see him again, that is. Some poeple are content with a phone relationship, that's the way it is for them. If I like a guy enough to want to see him again (even if it's just for sex) I am not content to only talk on the phone. Ask him what's up. Tell him you're looking for something casual, but not stopped.

The sex could be clouding your brain, but sometimes it's good enough that that's okay. Don't make any stupid mistakes, don't get your kids involved, use protection, yadda yadda yadda. And don't fall for him, since he's been upfront about not wanting a serious relationship.

Just my two cents, I'm sure everyone will chime in more.

Moody


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 11:18am

It sounds to me like he likes to play house and have someone to talk to but nothing more. If it was me, I would be inclined to tell him what you want - but not to keep going on and on as a phone relationship.

Usually what you see is what you get - so you have to decide if you want it or you want to wait for what else comes along. You don't have the option of changing them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 8:01pm
It sounds like unfortunately, he has a lot of issues he needs to deal with but wants to keep someone around that he finds interesting and is apparently attracted to. From an outsider looking in point of view I would have to say that if I were you, I would tell him that you are so glad that you got to meet him but he probably needs some time to figure out just what it is he wants. In the mean time you need to keep looking. Life is SO confusing the way it is, taking on another person's confusion, especially when you have kids to raise is just too much. Saying he doesn't want a relationship is fine but taling on a regular basis IS a kind of relationship. He just sounds like he has to get his own head on straight. He has probably brought back that feeling of happiness that comes with knowing that someone else is thinking about you...it's just a really good feeling. You should probably keep looking for someone that knows what he wants. Figure out exactly what it is you want too. That at least gives you a starting point.
Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 9:58am

"He just got out of prison..."


That right there would be reason enough NOT to be talking to the guy...




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