I'm So Superficial

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
I'm So Superficial
7
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 11:45am

Hi all, update on my OLD expierences thus far. Well the date I wa supposed to have with the guy C that Ive been chatting with for months had been "postponed" til next Saturday. His excuse is that he just started a new job, and is broke, and wants to pay for ou evening,, which I guess I have to believe, given he told me he has been umployed for 3 weeks , and he told me that before he asked me out..So we chatted last night for a couple hours, and it turned pretty sexual, not cybering, just sex talk,, so what is this meaning??? I have no clue. If we never meet, fine, but I really have no idea if he is in realtionship mode, or just looking for a part timer..I guess I'll find out eventually..

Then I got a call from one who is local, T, and he said maybe we could have lunch on Friday, and that he would call me Thur, to confirm when and where.. So we'll see on that too I guess

Then one I have only emailed a couple of times send me a bunch of pics of he and his son from the other day,, and he doesnt look anything like his pic on his profile, and i'm really not interested in meeting him at all, I'm sorry but he is downright ugly, in my eyes.. So how do I get out of talking to him gracefully. I was talking to C last night when Ugly IMed me, and I just ignored it..

So to add to my stress level, with school being so demanding, I saw my x "IT" the other day on the turnpike again, and I mean I could have spit on his car. We were at the toll booth , and if he had turned his face we would have been eye to eye. I got thrown right into a panic attack, and start shaking all over, just from the trauma he caused my life. All I associate him with is pain ,, and the fight or flight kicks in. He had his new g/f in the car, and I just shook. I felt like I had to run away and hide..Once I got home, and started doing things with DS, I felt like me again..

On a lighter note, I have been soaking my acrylic nails off, I've had them for months, and with packing, and moving and yard work, I need my hands back, so I'm sitting here all goey,, yuck

Florence, melting nails...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 2:39pm

Why superficial, because seeing a jerk upset you?? I hope not, cuz its far from true. You are an overcomer and should be proud that you found the strength to leave a distructive relationship!!

Sorry you had to see the x "IT". That must really stink. I know when I see mine I get knots in my stomach, expecting we are going to have words over something.

I find that doing just what you did to be the best remedy...get busy doing something else. When my kiddoes are in bed I find this message board helps me tremendously. When I read everyones posts it reminds me that I am not alone in the craziness.

Hope this date turns out to be great...it will cheer you up! Keep us posted.

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:46pm

Well, here's bright side note-

School must be almost over for the semester, and unless you're taking summer courses, you'll have some time to relax. Get through it, and you KNOW you can, and you'll be so proud of your accomplishments.

The sex talk probably doesn't really mean anything, unless you were uncomfortable with it. If you were, obviously don't let conversations head that way again. As far as meeting- I don't care for his full disclosure, but I suppose the truth keeps you from wondering if he's not that into you. I guess I'm just finally at a financial place in my life, and date men at an age where I would expect them to be at the same place. They don't have to be loaded, but gainfully employed and settled at jobs is a requirement for me.

Lunch with T sounds good- I always liked lunch dates as first meets because it was daytime, they were public, and since you presmuably have either school or work to get back to, there's no chance it will last too long. Lunch dates and coffee shops are prime for first meets, I think.

I wish I had some better words of wisdom about the ex, but honestly, all I can think is to try to find another way home. It obviously bothers you so much even just being that close, and if you could have an alternate route, one you knew he didn't take, you'd have the peace of mind that comes with knowing you'll never see him. I think it's a good sign that you got over it fairly quickly once you got home, but I hate to think of you driving while you're so agitated.

Moody, who found out today she's a minivan mom


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:52pm

I forgot to post about Ugly. I don't think it's superficial to know what you're attracted to and simply acknowledge your feelings. We like what we like.

That isn't anything to be ashamed of, and I think by simply not accepting or returning his IMs or emails, he'll eventually get the idea.

I would say however, that even though funnyguy didn't seem ugly at all in his pictures, he isn't my usual physical type. He's tall, which I love, but also very lanky. I nearly always go for guys who are meatier than he is. He's also balding, and none of my previous dates have ever been. If I hadn't been willing to date outside my own box, I'd have missed him. That being said- I completely understand the ugly thing- some people just aren't attractive to us, others are.

Moody, who feels no remorse for not being attracted to people


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:53pm

I don't like the first one so much by what you write - that he has money troubles and is talking about sex before meeting you - but that is just me. Maybe that is what happens after cyberchatting late at night.

I do like the second one you mentioned that he wants to get together for lunch and will call to confirm.

And as for MrUgly - delete. You don't have to apologize if you don't like someone's appearance - unless of course you want to wear a blindfold while dating him!! LOL!! Delete is just the name of the game in dating.

Sorry to hear about having to see the exIT - that is a bummer for sure - but it sounds like you handled it quite well - much better than the last time.

GOOD LUCK and keep us posted!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 4:20pm
A friend set me up with his best friend. The guy SOOO UGLY that I couldn't eat my dinner. I mean I LITERALLY could not eat my dinner. I tried to look away and all, but I just couldn't bring myself to swallow. I had to excuse myself with saying I hadn't been feeling well all day. He had the COMB OVER and ALL! Needless to say, I did help him out!
After I went out with him and kindly turned him down after another encounter (a story for another time), he went onto eHarmony and met his match. They are getting married next month and I'll be attending the wedding. He told my friend that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have realized how much he suddenly wanted a relationship. He didn't have one in 9 years, so I guess I was a match maker afterall!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 4:29pm

Hey Moody and West, well no school doesn't let out for me, I'm going to a career School, and it's a 9 month certificate program, and we have no breaks, but at least i'm getting used to it.. and as far as guys being financially secure, I totally agree with what your saying,, it is kind of a bother to me that he cancelled due to that, but if I have to take it as the truth, at least he is starting a new job, and if he cancels again, I'll know he is just playing online..I'm really not putting to much stock in he and I actually meeting, I'm staying a little detached because I really have no idea who he really is..

The lunch date with T does sound ok, we both have fridays off, but I have DS to get off the bus and this is his weekend with his Dad, so I have to take him there..so it will be short and hopefully sweet..

I don't have another way to get home, but what I will do for now on is get into the farthest lane possible to avoid seeing oncoming traffic...

Thanks for the responses guys, I guess I didn't feel to uncomfortable with the sex talk last night with C, but it does lead me to believe he's looking for sex, and that isn't nessacarly a bad thing, but I am not in one night stand mode with him,,so I'll just see where the conversations go from now on..But I am feeling a little crappy about it now, like great, another man just interested in using me for sex,, God I friggin hate that!! What ever happened to men that want lots of sex, and still have emotions involved?? You know the ones who stuck around for a while???

Grrr,,, just in limbo,,

Well wish me luck, my best friend is going to cosmotology school, and I've agreed to be her guine pig, and she's going to wax my underarms,, OUCH!!

thanks guys..

Florence

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 11:43pm

Guy #1, I think its a long shot it would be anything positive. Sure, he may be broke & beginning a new job, but how stable is he? Why was he unemployed?

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