I'm So Very Smitten...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I'm So Very Smitten...
6
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 3:44pm

Well, so far so good! Everything with Crush is moving at a really good pace and everything feels right. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself as far as feelings go b/c in a lot of ways I'm still a little nervous about him. However, this go around feels completely different. I'm still keeping the ball in his court, so to speak. I haven't called him (well..only when that I see he's called me, etc. and I've called him back), I haven't asked him out on dates, or anything else - everything has been his doing, and I like that. I like the fact that he's doing the pursuing and putting forth the initiative to get things rolling.

We've talked a lot on the phone, which is really nice. We always laugh and joke around, but we talk about some serious stuff as well. We went out last weekend and he came over Wednesday night. Actually, he came into work before I got off Wed. and had something to eat. He sat at the bar while I got my work finished and then I went and sat with him for about 15 minutes. I told him that I needed to go get Leah and he asked me if it would be okay if he came over for a little while after I got all my stuff at home finished. I told him that would be fine, but I would prefer it if he could wait just a little bit until I spent some time with dd and got her to sleep. He came over after she was in bed and we sat on the couch and watched tv for a little while.

I'm not really aprehensive about him being around Leah since she already knows him and since he's so good with kids. But...I hadn't seen her all day b/c I had to work a double and I wanted to spend some time with just her, etc.

We went out last night too. He had asked me a couple of weeks ago if I wanted to go sing kareoke w/ him at the place he usually bartends at on the weekends. I just figured we would meet up around 9pm and go straight there, but he called me about 5 and asked if he could take me to dinner. So, actually, we went bowling, went to eat, and then went singing. I had a blast.

Last week we had a little "discussion" and kinda established some things. I haven't been pushy or tried to establish "what are we doing, where are we going with this" kinda thing. I've just been letting it play by ear. But, last week we started talking and he said that he really likes me, has feelings for me, and knows that he doesn't want to see anyone else. He said that he still understands if I'm a little nervous around him b/c of what happened in the past. But...he says that he's over his exwife, sorry that in the process of everything last year that he put me in the middle of it (as far as not being over her and realizing that while he was seeing me), etc. He said that he wants me to trust him and that he will win (all) of my trust back, but understands that it may take some time for me to truly let my guard down, but that he's patient...lol.

So...we're an item now, so to speak...lol. He's been so sweet and nice, and I like the fact that he's taking things slow (and me too). He's not pushy at all, not bossy, and just very easy to be around and talk to. Part of me (like I keep saying) is scared that he'll change his mind and not want to see me anymore, but I guess that's a risk worth taking. I can't live my life in fear, right? I mean, if I do, then there would never be a chance with anyone. I guess heartache and heart breaks are a part of life....I just hope that this isn't going to be another one. He has all of the qualities that I'm looking for and want, and I feel such a strong connection with him. I guess only time will tell...but so far so good.

Kait

PS: He says that he has a surprise for me tomorrow on mother's day

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:01pm

Kait,


I think you're doing a wonderful job and things are working out quite nicely.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:52pm

Super, Kait!! You did such a good job with all of this - I know it was hard to leave your crush initially when you thought he was only into you to get his physical needs met. But you stood your ground and then he realized what he missed and now he is having to earn you back.

When did you first meet him?

How are things going with your exh?

Happy Mother's Day!! Hope your surprise is GREAT!! You will have to come back and tell us about that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 9:28pm

I've known crush for about 7 years now, but started dating him last July (until the breakup thing) and now dating him again. I've known his family (ie: sister, brother, and mom) longer though. His brother and I graduated together and his sister is one of my best friends (which made it hard to deal with the whole breakup last year b/c we are usually always doing something together and seeing her made it even harder to handle). But...this go around is going to go very slow - snails pace.

Ex is being ex. Last weekend he had Leah. Like always I'm doing the dropping off and picking up b/c he refuses to drive 10 miles out of town to come get her. The decree says that it's his responsibility to do the picking up/dropping off thing. But...I dropped her off at his dad's house - actually pulled into the driveway at the same time as ex did. Okay...this was a Friday evening. Saturday morning I gotta call from his dad to come get Leah b/c ex had gone to Memphis for Cinco de Mayo. So, naturally, I called ex and left him a message. I told him that it was really rotten of him to just pawn her off on people so he could go out of town and party it up and get drunk. I mean, for crying out loud, how hard is every other weekend, especially when he knew how excited she was to be seeing him. Well...he called me, cursed me out, and hung up. When I went to get Leah at his dad's, no body was home, no one would answer their phone, and I had no idea where she was. I literally looked for her all afternoon and night - no one would answer my calls nor did they ever return home! I was livid - but I was thankful that I got her back on Sunday with no new injuries.

The slime ball lawyer is paid in full. The doc loaned me the money to get the creep off of my back!

Legal aide wouldn't accept my case on ex due to expenses that they said they didn't have. So, right now, I'm just doing the best I can with what I have, which is basically nothing. However, this coming weekend is ex's turn again, but I won't be the one dropping her off. If he wants her then he's going to have to abide by the rules and come get her himself. I'm basically through bending over backwards to make things easier for him.

Other than that...all is well. Right now I'm just working, saving (a penny at a time), paying the bills, and preparing all of the paper work for school.

Kait

PS: Leah refuses to call the candy M&M's, M&M's. She thinks they're called M&O's. Get it? M,N,O,P...not M & M, but M & O's!!! lol! I thought that was hilarious!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 10:23pm

Kait,

You're right that you shouldn't be bending over backwards for your ex. If the paperwork states he's to come and pick her up and drop her off, then he SHOULD be doing that. No more bending to his ways, because he will continue to do as he pleases. I would recommend though, that you don't make any plans for the first couple of times he's supposed to pick her up, since he's unlikely to do so. But, you can write that ALL down, that you've had to drop her off, and if he doesn't show. Seriously, it's only harming YOUR case if you bend to him and drop her off- the judge might be pursuaded to allow that to be the "norm" if you've been doing it all along, you know?

So no more dropping her off, picking her up.

Also, the next time you get a call from his parents saying to pick Leah up because he's screwed off, don't call him!! Just go and pick her up and then WRITE IT DOWN!!! There's no point going back and forth on it, if he can't be bothered to see his daughter, oh well. The more ammo you have, the better. All you did was get him to call his parents and tell them to screw off with Leah and put you on a wild goose chase all night. Don't call him and ream him out, it's not your business or concern what he's doing- just that he cannot be bothered to spend his alloted time with his daughter.

You need to be on the high road here, and the less you call and natter at him about his choices, the more mature you are. All of this should be documented and documented, so that if there's another huge issue that happens, or another accident with her, then you can go to court and have a great back up. Remember, you don't NEED a lawyer to go to court, but it does take time to ensure you have all your documentation and understand the rules of your state.

And I just LOVE the comment on the M & O's, that's priceless!!






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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:24am

Kait, that's adorable about Leah and the M&M's!!

I remember Catie used to call her forehead her two-head.... never knew why, exactly, but it's what she called it, and I always cracked up.

As far as Ex not coming to get her, I think if you don't drop her off, and he doesn't come get her, then he doesn't see her. But that's just me. What does your lawyer say?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:47am

The M&Os saying is too cute. I agree with the others that if he doesn't pick her up he doesn't get her. And I would not wait around all night for him to get her - he gets a 1/2 hour window of opportunity and then you move on with your plans.

Keep documenting everything.

It is great that you have known crush for so long - has he been a crush for this whole time? Or was that just a recent thing from last summer?

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