I'm sorryyyyy... Mr. HISTORY? WHO?

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Registered: 04-08-2003
I'm sorryyyyy... Mr. HISTORY? WHO?
9
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:27am

Let's see......... Where did I leave off? Oh yes, Mr. History hadn't responded after my Charleston cancellation with him. At least not during the day.

I went online to a meetup group which is for single, new to town, couples and divorced people trying to make friends. It's really a cool thing. Anyway, my dinner plans that night had changed to lunch plans and then were cancelled by the guy, because his client cancelled the meeting. He lives 90 minutes away and I didn't expect him to drive up to see me for an hour, just for lunch, so he asked to reschedule and I said that would be fine.
I decided I wasn't going to sit home on Friday night afterall, since my plans had changed. So I RSVP's yes that I was going to attend dinner that night with the meetup group.
We had such a blast and most of the people were new. It was a really small group of 12, but great fun. I flirted with soo many poeple outside of the group that just started hanging out with us. One group who joined us were 8 VERY cute guys and so SWEET! They were mostly married (6 of them), going out for a guys annual once the year thing (from all over the country), so it was very very harmless but fun.
THEN, I got a very late text from Mr. History. He wanted to know where I was. I told him and he asked if he could join. I said sure. He ended up joining but I acted like I did not see him come in from the corner of my eye. I knew he was in the building and he was watching me from afar and I continued to entertain the guys I was talking too and not even looking like I cared if he showed up or not.
He finally came up to me an hour later. LOL. Said "You seemed flocked by a group of men and I didn't want to interrupt."
I introduced him as the guy who stood me up the night before. He got a load of hisses and boo's. LOL.

One guy who hung out with me, was married, but we just talked and had such a great conversation, looked at me and said, you aren't going to keep that boyfriend around for another 4 weeks. You are one to many calibers ahead of him. I was slightly taken aback that he would say that. It kind of stuck in the back of my head, because several people made similiar comments all night thereafter. I'll get to the why, it bothered me later......
We stayed really late and then left.
When we go to his place, he talked a lot of weird mushy stuff on Friday night. That he was in love with me, etc. etc. That night we did sleep in the same bed, but nothing happened. I didn't want to do anything while I was intoxicated and then regret the decision. Not to mention, I felt I had to clarify a few things before we did get together.
So on Saturday morning , we went hiking and I had a little "chat" with him regarding the stuff he said to me on Friday night. I acted like I thought he was pretty intoxicated so I kind of dealt with it on that term. Told him that I don't think he needs to be discussing any future plans with me or his feelings for me. That I am not interested in knowing what he thinks or feels about me, beyond the: I like you a lot.
Anything past that is totally uncalled for and I don't want to hear it. In all honesty, I think he's a load of bull. I wonder if he even truly likes me? Is that awful to be so jaded? OMG! Not that I am really questioning if the guy is even into me, because oddly enough, I realized it doesn't matter, but we then went to dinner on Saturday night and after that we went to a wine bar. I finally decided that after two weeks and almost a dozen dates, I slept with him on Saturday night. LOL. So I guess that is why it crossed my mind if I would still be going out with him aftewards, since I tend to wait 6-10 weeks before I get intimate. It happened two weeks into us dating. I guess it was the fact that I had almost no intimate contact with M except for three encounters in 3 months and months of nothing prior to that. I just suddenly felt like I wanted some intimacy. I wished I had someone else for that, instead of having used him, because I kind of regret it now. Especially after Thursday nights no-show episode. He truly didn't deserve it, but darn it, I just wanted to have some sex again. DARN. Oh well, it's water under the bridge now.
I ended up waking up on Sunday a few times and we snuggled, but then he let me go back to sleep and when I woke up he was not in the room. I had to get up and get dressed and it was just WEIRD. Does that make sense? I was not happy about the fact that the roommate could walk in and he was showered and dressed on the couch watching a movie. He couldn't sleep anymore and wanted me to sleep but it was just WEIRD. I got up, dressed and left. He called me later and wanted to take me to the movies. So we went to the movies with him. He dropped me off thereafter and we made no real plans to meet again. Have not heard from him since but really not concerned about it. Is that awful?

I like him, but I'm just not THAT concerned if I'll see him again. The comments from Friday night continues to stick in my head. I keep thinking why do other people see us as a total mismatch? It just kind of bugs me and I just can't imagine us having much time or making much time to be together. Or that he will. And I have a gut instinct that maybe sleeping with him, may have been a mistake. OH WELL, too late now. But I just ponder it. And what irritates me more, is that I have this AWFUL I couldn't give a rats rectus. Like: Oh well! That isn't how I should be feeling with someone I just had intimate encounters with. I kind of feel jaded and feel like I'm putting this huge wall up around me now. :(

Anyway, my other group that I went out with Friday has contacted me since and has already sent me two more invites to join them this week. That makes me happy that I'll be busy. I want to continue to keep as busy as I can. Do other things and meet other people besides dates.




Edited 7/16/2007 11:39 am ET by myprecioustwo
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Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 12:45pm

It is great that you are meeting new people!!

I would not worry too much about the dating down comment thing from your new friends since they do not know both of you - unless there is a glaring reason for them to say that - maybe they just said it because of his cancellation?

Why did he cancel? I don't remember reading so if you did post that I am sorry to ask again. I would let it slide if there is a real life reason. It is not something to forget though if he is flaky all the time. His I love you so soon is sort of a flag - something to watch. Some people are just like that. But you have to wait and see.

Anyway, my dear, I think you are just having the usual "morning after syndrome from sex too soon" -we have all had that. And for what it is worth, I don't think that is any sort of a barometer of will it work or not work. Only time will tell you that. Perhaps he got up because he feels the same way? That he really likes you and doesn't want to screw it up?

So give it time and try not to stress. At least you had fun. We all need fun once in a while and usually you are so good - and especially after all you endured with M.

In the end, the whole thing just depends on whether or not the other person is capable and willing to keep up their end of the relationship jump rope. It takes two to twirl. And at this point you have no way of knowing that.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 1:03pm

To be honest, I think I know what really is upsetting me today. I'm actually feeling agitated and upset. And this has nothing to do particularly with Mr. History, but with M.
One of my best friends, April, has a sister, who is married to M's best friend from high school. I know small world. It happens to be that when M and I met, he had two abandoned kittens that were found on his property and I took them home to care for them.

Last week, April calls me and tells me she wants one of the cats. Strange how the cat of M's ends up at Aprils, stranger is the fact, she called me again the next day to say that M, put an offer on her sisters house that was up for sale and LAST NIGHT, she called to tell me that he signed the papers for the house. This whole house thing was what broke us up and I guess, it is really weird that he has April sisters house now and April has his cat and I am best friends with her. What a weird circle. Three months ago, their was absolutely no connection and now the connection is soooo strange. Don't you think?
Anyway, it just some how opened up a huge wound for me. Made me really sad that it all happened the way it did and that I had really liked him. I knew that their were many things that bothered me about him, but it doesn't change the fact that I really cared about him and I just felt so stupid in believing him. Maybe that is why I am so jaded right now.

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Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 1:17pm
Mr History is beginning to sound like a rebound. Keep getting out there and meeting new people. Any new prospects on Match? Or do any of those married guys have a nice single friend? I love hearing your stories....
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Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 1:21pm

That seems natural to be agitated. And ugh - what a small world!

Maybe you need a little time or a few activities that are fun so you can mend and can be at peace with all that happened. I know that my taking the camping vacation time really helped me get over the disappointment with the fireman - because we seemed so good except for his drinking and that whole incident was such a let down. And then after a bit of time I was at peace with it - because I know it is something I cannot change and at the same time it is something I cannot live with.

Maybe it will be just a bit of time before you realize that for M? That his situation and way of living/seeing things is just the same - something you cannot change and something you cannot live with? It is just him and has nothing to do with you and what you need.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 1:34pm
Good point. Actually, I hope not, but I don't know. I guess time will tell. I do know the reason I initially dated again 24 hours after the break up, is that I refused to sit home crying about the whole thing with M and telling myself, I didn't want the relationship anyway. So then, I really didn't want to give M a second thought and I didn't want to sit around mopping my summer time away. Especially, when I FINALLY had free time to have fun. WE had made ALL of these plans together and it just helped to forget about them. Or try. Kind of what Judy said. I know it wasn't going to work between us, but I guess I was just closer to him then I initially thought. I definitely know I often think about how much funnier we were together, but then the other things that weren't funny, come up and remind me to. I definitely don't want Mr. History to be a rebound, but to do that have to be less cynical, more relaxed and just go about my own thing and take it easy.
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Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 2:03pm

I think you are just going through the whole disappointment thing from M and you will be fine soon. Somehow in your mind you have to let it go and not be mad and just know that you are not 2 compatible people. That is what dating is - trying on shoes that fit for both of you. Sometimes they look good but they just don't fit.

Maybe it is a blessing to keep you slow with MrHistory - and that is not such a bad thing.

Sometimes I think dating is like a horror show - you keep waiting for the ax to fall out of the closet somewhere! LOL!!!!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 2:29pm

Sometimes I think dating is like a horror show - you keep waiting for the ax to fall out of the closet somewhere! LOL!!!!

- Tooo funny! You crack me UP! Thanks for the cheering up!

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Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 3:49pm

Oh wow Cat...

I think Mr. History IS a rebound-man, and that's unfortunate- if he really is a nice guy. I think the 2 of you probably DID sleep together too soon (and he felt it too- which is why he was up and OUT of bed rather than still snuggling with you the next morning) and there just isn't enough "base" for the relationship yet for the sex to stand on. You're probably BOTH a bit confused now and feeling weird about it! But you can never go back... what's done is done. Whether it will work and build from here- only time will tell. And how you feel about it all. If you're still so "whatever" about it- then I think Mr. History really is a rebound man. Especially if things associated with M is making you FEEL more than things with Mr. History.

As much as you said you weren't heartbroken about M... I think you were probably more attached than you wanted to believe. IMHO, I would suggest taking a break from ALL men for awhile. Make sure you aren't rebounding anymore before dating again.

I rebounded through 2 men after my divorce before I was just TIRED of it all- and took a whole year off of dating. Not a single hunt or date for 2004. Then I started looking around in spring of 2005... but not really finding until late summer- when I met Hiker. I really had gotten tired of going from one relationship into another- and not really even knowing WHY. All the dating had put me into a funk and I just knew I didn't like it and wanted to quit!

That's my 2 cents' worth. But Hugs about it all- you sound so unsure of things in this post!

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Mon, 07-16-2007 - 4:00pm
Thanks so much for your post. I think I am a little apprehensive about it all now; I know I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to hurt more then I have. I think it's ok if we both taper down a little bit. He might even have felt unsure knowing what I had said to him the day before about not sharing his strong feelings to me. It was just kind of awkward. Maybe this is what I need anyway. It just made me realize I want to slooooow it down a few notches and get a breather in-between. I took myself off the OLD since Friday. I decided I am busy enough with Mr. History that I really want to meet other people and making more friends; verses dating men. Going out in a group setting on Friday made me feel so much more comfortable and let me be me and enjoy myself in the process. I think any more one on one is just too much pressure for me right now. I enjoy doing things together with Mr. History, but more in infrequent interval. I like him, I just don't want to jump the gun and I'm kind of building a wall to protect myself a bit, in the event he runs anyway. LOL. Worrying about all that and thinking about the stuff I told him on Saturday, tells me, I have some healing to do before I make any further steps in any direction.