I'm Taking the Summer Off . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
I'm Taking the Summer Off . . .
12
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 11:29am

from dating, that is. (I wish it was from work, but I can't afford that)LOL. I’m burned out, and I need a break. Except for the almost 3 years that I didn’t date after my twins were born and my exh left, I have been in relationship after relationship. And when the relationships would end, the longest I would be without a relationship was 2 or 3 months, and then I would meet someone and start it all up again.

My current relationship is making me nuts, and tired and totally drained out. We got in yet another argument over the weekend, and once again, we spent no time together. Then he says to me that he’s not sure he wants to keep going, that we should take a break for a few days, I should think about things, and he’ll call me in a few days. Well, we just had a weekend “break” about 3 weeks ago. I opted not to go out to see him and his son for the weekend and I spent my weekend at home with my kids. That’s ok with me. There’s nothing to think about. I’m done. I can’t do this any more. It’s no fun any more. And once I made that decision, I did not feel lonely or sad or depressed. All I felt was relief.

Unfortunately, things did not end like I would have liked them to. The argument was heated, and a lot of negative things were said, mostly by him. He thinks I’m crazy. So, I called my sister. Up until this point, she has known almost nothing about my relationship, so I filled her in. I gave her my side and his side. And the reason I called her was because she is great at telling me the truth, not just what I want to hear. If I’m wrong, she will tell me. Well, she said I was not crazy, and she did not know how I put up with it for this long.

The bottom line is this. We live 1 ½ from each other. S wants me to spend every weekend at his house, which means I drive the 1 ½. In the 8 months we have dated, he has been to my house twice, and all the rest has been me up by him. That is very difficult for me to do as a mom and a homeowner. I have responsibilities and chores to do. I have grocery shopping, and cleaning, and so many other things to do. As much as I would love to leave it all and spend every weekend with him on his boat on the lake, I am only cheating the devil, because I come home to a dirty house, dirty clothes, and no food in the frig. His answer to all our problems is for me to move in with him so we could be together all the time and not do the drive. I have a house, twins, and 3 cats and a crapload of stuff I have accumulated over 15 years. He has a very tiny house, which isn’t even his – he rents it from his dad. So, I ‘m supposed to give up my house, my pets because he’s allergic to them, change schools for my kids, give up my girl scouts and boy scouts, etc. to move in with him, to be his companion and stepmom to his son. I just can’t do it. The only way I would do something that enormous would be if I was head over heels in love with this man, but I’m not. I love him, but I have some concerns and doubts, that never seem to clear up, they only get worse, or something else pops up. I wanted to be fair, so I told him about a month ago that we were moving too fast, that I had doubts, and that I needed time. He was willing to give me until the end of summer, then I would have to make a decision because my kids would have to be in school. After this weekend, it has become crystal clear to me.

So, I am going to register my kids back at their school, sign them up for summer camp in my town, get us a family pool pass, and try to plan a family vacation, just the 3 of us. And I really don’t care how selfish that sounds. I’m 40 years old. I’ve lived alone 8 years now. I can take care of myself and my kids. I guess maybe I’m just too set in my ways.

My only problem with this plan is that I know S will try to talk me into staying in this relationship. And I hope I have the strength to stick to my decision. I have tried before to walk away, and he always reels me back in. Please, all, pray for strength for me to not change my mind again.

Actually, this is not a sad message at all. I truly am looking forward to being by myself with my kids this summer. I have neglected my house so much during this relationship and during the last one. That was also a long drive for both of us, but at least we shared the drive. I just spent my free weekends being with a man and not doing what I need to do in my house. So, now I can. I want to paint my room and my daughter’s room, and the list goes on and on. Now I have no excuses, and I am TRULY looking forward to it.

Donna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 5:14pm
You don't sound selfish at all. That relationship wasn't right for you. Enjoy the time off and relax.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 6:32pm

Good for you, Donna!

I read your post and it was like I was reading a story about my own life. I just "got dumped" by my boyfriend. I'm mentally exhausted from the continuous string of relationships with little or no break between them and just need to learn to be alone and like it.

Stay strong and feel free to e-mail me and vent anytime!!!

Michele

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