impossible ex..
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impossible ex..
| Mon, 12-12-2005 - 2:08pm |
my ex and i dated for over four years and i just found out he's been cheating on me. he says he wants to see our son, but keeps making excuses about coming over. my son runs around the house asking where daddy is. its just breaks my heart. my ex doesnt have legal papers to be here, so i cant file for child support or visitation. also, he wants to take our son over to his apartment, without me, to spend time with him. i'm scared to death that he'll take our son away to mexico and i'll never see him again. i just dont know what to do. does anyone have any advice for me??? it just breaks my heart to know that my ex wont see his son.

What do you think are the real risks your ex would go back to Mexico? It seems to me that the opportunities here in the US are far greater and that it is hard to get here so maybe he wouldn't go back? Or maybe he would. You have to listen to your gut about this. Because if you really think he would go then you should NOT let him have unsupervised custody.
Anyway, if you were not married and he is not legal here then you are not going to have legal aid for obtaining child support through the courts.
Are you on good terms with your ex right now at all? I mean for the sake of your DS? I think you should try to do what you can to be civil for the sake of DS and see if there is a way to set up child support and visitation between you. If your ex is not willing to work this out then you will have to go it alone.
Is your ex stable that he would be able to see your DS on a regular basis and help you out financially as he is able?
I am sorry you had to go through this - it is always so hard when you have been with someone for a while and you find out he was cheating on you. We have a lot of stories like that on this board. We welcome you and hope you will stay and participate more with us. I know the others will have kind words and advice, too.
Mandie,
I would encourage you to talk to a lawyer and find out what you CAN do in this situation regarding child support, custody and child support.
my ex says the only way he would give me money for our baby, is if he could take the baby to his apartment. i know he wants to go down to mexico because his mother and many siblings still live here. he's really only here to work.
both of my parents and my grandma are helping me pay for things that i need because i'm a fulltime nursing student and i can only work parttime.
i just feel horrible for my son. he's never going to know his father. at the same time, i dont want him to spend too much time with his dad, in fear that he would learn things that he shouldn't.
anyway, thank you for writing. its hard to do this by myself.
Amanda (mother of Jamie)
I think that for right now you should just go it alone until things settle down with your ex and you can work things out. Yes, it is hard to do this by yourself - believe me - we all understand that because we are in the same but.
But please have faith - it will get easier - you will adapt and get stronger and it just gets easier as the child gets older.
Thank goodness you have the help and support of your family. Good luck with school and take good care of your baby. I would never risk losing her to Mexico with an ex who is not legal here.