interesting conversation with DD

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
interesting conversation with DD
6
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 5:49pm

Apparently this weekend DD and her brother went to spend the night at their father's new GF (new since July). My oldest son didn't want to go (he's 17) so my ex stayed home with him while my other kids spent the night at this woman's house. It just seems bizarre to me and I don't understand how he can be so trusting. I've been with my BF for over a year and my kids have never slept over at his house or been there alone EVER. He's offered to take them if I have to work, but I've never accepted the offer because I feel more comfortable leaving the kids with family if I have to leave them.

I'm sure she's ok, I mean she has a good job and lives in a nice neighborhood and actually did stuff with them, but I have a problem with them staying with someone that he hasn't even known that long and he's not even there!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 6:17pm

I don't see the point of visitation with a parent if the children are not actually with the parent. So why did he take them in the first place if he dumped them with his gf?

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 6:55pm

It sounds like they probably made plans for everyone to spend the night at her house and the 17y DS decided not to go so they split up the party at the last minute.

I guess the positive is that they didn't disappoint the others and that she wanted them there and was a good sport. Yes it is bizarre to us reading it - and it is not what most of us would do - but it sounds like they did okay and catered to everyone.

As long as the kids had fun and are not seriously upset you can't really tell your exh what to do when they are with him - and I would advise against that - save the complaints for something that is upsetting to the kids.

Although he hasn't known her that long, she sounds like a good gf and it is nice that she shows an interest - the circumstances and gf could be much worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:18pm
Yeah that was my take on it too and then I felt weird that I was so laid back about it when one of my GF's said that she'd have a problem with it. I'm thankful that she seems like a good person and has an interest in them. His last GF he had for almost 2 years and she wasn't very supportive of his scheduled time with them and I got the impression that she wanted him to give up the joint custody so that he could cater to her and her girls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:51pm

I'm fairly certain some bad people have good jobs and nice houses. In fact, I know some who do. I wouldn't make that my criteria for judging a person with whom my children are spending time alone.

I would have a real issue with my children spending the night with anyone I hadn't yet met- whether they were a janitor or a CEO. I might also have an issue with a non-relative adult wanting to spend time with children... but some call me paranoid.

I am not sure in this particular case it even matters that your ex wasn't there- you don't know this person, no matter how well your ex does. Your kids probably had fun, and I certainly know there are just a couple of issues I have regarding adults and children spending time alone together.

Just my opinion, and let us know how it all goes.

Moody, who'd be fit to be tied


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 9:30pm

Exactly. And you do have gender in your favor here - I think I would worry more if a daughter was going to a strange man's house.

I would encourage the kids to keep a dialog going - because they see and report a lot of things that tell the whole story - and this will probably calm your nerves.

Plus if you make a scene and get upset with their dad they are not likely to tell you anything else because he will yell at them for blabbing - and you want to know what is going on. Best to play it cool I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:59pm

I definately don't want to make a scene and I think that this woman is on the up and up, but I don't feel comfortable with her 17-year-old son driving my daughter places. That part I have an issue with and will probably mention that because I feel like I have a right to.

This weekend is my kid weekend and I am stuck working and I am paying MY 17-year-old to watch my 10-year-old because I simply have NO other option and I really need the cash. Now I know for 100% certainty that my ex will have issue with this and will have no problem telling me I'm a bad mother for working. So if it's ok for him to bring up issues that get to him then I think I can as well. It will be good to clear the air.