Interesting tidbits among the statistics

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Interesting tidbits among the statistics
7
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:35pm

On another thread, we were discussing the statistics of living together, and whether it was good or bad for the long-term success of the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:42pm
Wow - I knew I wasn't going to live with anyone anytime soon - but that just about seals the deal on my opinion for me anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 6:15pm

These statistics surprise

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 6:31pm

Of course most everyone thinks it "won't be me/us" ...


I for one has "been there, done that" and am part of the statistics to prove them out.


Mark


---





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 7:30pm

I just don't get into the statistics when it comes to marriage and living together first.


I have a failed marriage, and we didn't live together beforehand. And my marriage didn't last near as long as Mark's- and he DID live together first. I just don't think the living-together factor has that much affect.


I still think it's the attitude and approach of the couple as they enter the marriage (whether they'd been living together or not) that makes the difference. I think I went into mine, knowing that although I said the vows and meant it, divorce WAS a thing that was "out there" as a way out.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 9:24am

I have to agree with Shrimpy. I think people can always find some kind of statistics to support their point of view. In my case I have been D 2x. I married my high school sweetheart which lasted all of 4 1/2 years. We never lived together but we were young and not ready nor right for each other. We just didn't have the martuity level needed to understand (IMHO). I lived with my second husband before we were married and our marriage lasted for 14 years. Living together had nothing to do with the d. He was an alcoholic and abusive. Whether or not we lived together did not change anyone's personality or problems. He lives a lone and is still and alcoholic and will always be.

I think that it is the people in the situation and their willingness to actually compromise and work together to make things work. It takes both and I think that is the key to any successful relationship or marriage (both parties working on it).

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 11:33am

Priscilla: I challenged anyone to find data (cited from a credible source) that showed living together improved the chances of a lasting marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 6:36pm

Interesting!

I also want to know the "why" behind the stats.

At first glance it's counter-intuitive... i thought living together would improve chances simply because you could "test" things before making a commitment or that you learn how to compromise prior to marriage. Well, that's NOT the case.. and if those are the stats from a credible source, then i'd say they are probably true.

And the stats didn't say 100% of the couples who live together first would lead to divorce, so that's why you can find an example where that didn't happen... but 80% more likely is a good deterent to me. But then again, i was going to try not to have sex again until i was married again and that didn't work out for me.....

like i said, i'd still like to learn about the "why"

loonybunny