Interfering ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Interfering ex
4
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 7:47pm

Hallo!
Back into the dating 'game' after a long rest period. My dilemma: the ex-spouse & father to my young child has contacted my recent new friend ~ AGAIN! My new beau left a rather cryptic message on my voicemail yesterday regarding "issues with your ex" and I haven't heard from him since. This after he was followed by my ex down the freeway after he dropped me from a date a month ago.

I had what I thought was an amicable arrangement with this recovering addict and abuser, for the sake of our child. However, since I ventured out on the dating scene a few months ago, he's been really unkind and uncooperative. Our divorce was final 3 years ago and I'm happy to report that I have recovered my self-esteem and confidence with help from a WONDERFUL therapist and circle of friends and family.

This turn of events has me flummoxed. Any thoughts?

Katgrrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 9:31pm

Welcome to our board!!

Sorry you have to deal with this. I have 2 thoughts:
1) Keep your private life private from your exh.
2) Get a restraining order on your exh.

You cannot control the behavior of your exh - but you can control what you do and you have to do all you can to legally keep him at bay.

Also, when you talk to your exh, keep the topic related to your child only. Do not discuss personal matters with him. Ever. If he brings it up change the subject or hang up.

How did he find out who you were dating and the phone number?

You might also want to be honest and upfront about the situation to whoever you are dating so they know what to expect.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 9:44pm

Thanks, your thoughts are appreciated. I've thought a restraining order might be in my best interest, but not sure if one could be limited to contact with ME. My daughter absolutely ADORES her daddy and I would hate to interfere with that until she's old enough to make her own decision (she's 4)

I'm completely at a loss as to how the ex found out who I was dating and how to contact him. That totally freaks me out! I have added password protections to my phone bills & information, etc. The only thing I can come up with is he was able to track down my friend through his license # when he was following him?

AAARGH!
Katgrrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 1:09pm

That is crazy for sure. Sorry you had to go through this.

I am wondering if you can file a restraining order for meddling in your personal life - maybe it is possible? Maybe someone on here has better experience and advice? Or maybe you can talk to your local court or law enforcement agency?

I guess you will just have to keep covering your tracks as best as you can. But hopefully your bf (or the next bf) will ignore him and realize it has nothing to do with you.

Keep us posted, okay?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 10:17pm

Hallo!
Well, new bf has disappeared off the radar, no contact for a week now. Bummed about it, but at least I know his character clearly.

Talked to my attorney and had him send a letter to my ex, outlining the laws regarding stalking and abuse and the clear indicators that he has violated them and my privacy. Don't think I'll be hearing from him anytime soon and, hopefully, can relax and enjoy my singlehood once again.

Thanks to all
Kat