Internet dating update....
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| Fri, 07-29-2005 - 6:46am |
Wellllllll, let's see, I have cancelled all my memberships, because I have made a few aquaintances and I figure that is all I need for the moment. We've been communicating back and forth for several weeks per private email, so it doesn't make sense to continue to stay on the internet sites, when I am really not interested in getting over my ears with to many new people. Rather 2-3 nice guys then a bunch of maybe's or no ways.
One in particular is really interesting me now, but purely only interest no crush or whatever. Met him on Match. I actually originally contacted him, because his profile was quite interesting (otherwise he wasn't my type or anything) and all I did was send him a quick note saying that I thought his profile was really good and I could relate. I wished him luck and left it to that. I didn't care for a response because he wasn't my type or anything. He looks so deathly. lol. Not bad looking, but his eyes aren't alive and no smile, but maybe with all he's been through in the last 2yrs, it's hard for him to do that.
He's a military guy raising his two daughters ages 4 and 9. The mom had several affair on him while he was deployed. He states himself as a cancer survivor, war survivor and divorce survivor. His X wife had a little boy before they were married from another man and he see's it as his own son, because the boys own father doesn't acknowledge him. Therefore, in the divorce decreement it states that he has visitation right for her son as well. I thought that was kind of cool that he just didn't drop the boy after he was divorced and just chose to take his girls and forget about him. Says a lot in my book. He also made a comment that was really short but I thought was really neat. He said: I am secure enough as a man, that I don't have a problem walking on the beach with a pink barbie radio in my hand.
He was (as he calls himself: a foot soldier) went back to school to get his degree and then applied for Officer School and is now a Lieutenant in the Marines for the Military Police. He has high ambitions and goals and he seems to be very put together. We've been contacting each other for two weeks now and it just seems to go well. We have definitely decided to remain friends due to our similarities. Anyway, wonder how that will continue, but since I am not interested in dating, it doesn't really matter.
I just can't figure out why I don't feel like dating anyone? I mean, Ok, taking a break for awhile, yes, but this is meeeeeeeee. I used to date left, right and center and now I'm just happy if I can write someone an email and that is that. Maybe I just have to many other priorities now then wanting a relationship to get in the way. Anyone feel like that?
So this guys kind of reminded me of the thread below about single men with kids. As I stated, I personally would love it. But I also haven't really dated a guy that had his kids 24/7, so I guess if we do date, I'll find out.

Hi
I can definitely relate to the "not wanting to date" feeling you are having. I have noticed that when I am not dating anyone, I am calm, happy and issue-free.
I finished with my last serious boyfriend almost a year ago (he just wasn't treating me nicely enough) and since then I have been doing a lot of work on myself, trying to reason things out etc. In the last year, I have met up with my birth mother for the first time, as well as finding two brothers I never knew I had, so I had a lot of "other stuff" to deal with.
It has been a really exciting year all round and a couple months ago, I really felt at peace with myself, my life and my kids. Life was beautiful, calm and fun. Then I received an e-mail from a guy on match, although I was not regularly visiting the site any longer. He seemed nice, and was English, which is wonderful for me, as I live abroad. I met him, we hit it off and started to see each other, but I realised that I was no longer at peace as I had been. I was constantly checking to see if he had written me e-mails, wondering what was happening if he didn't call.. all the typical girlie things that I had been sure I would never do again! LOL! I just didn't like myself very much. Anyway, as it turned out, it didn't work out... I am thinking that the reason I was having a bad time with all this was because, well, he just was not the one for me.... and, as if by magic, when we stopped seeing each other, I returned almost instantly to the serene and contented person I had been before!
Actually, today a friend told me she thought I looked blooming... I put that down to the excitement of my little darlings coming back from their holidays with their dad in two hours' time!!! I am soooooo happy!
I must say that the guy you have met on match does sound very lovely. And I look forward to following this story, wherever it leads. I hope you will enjoy it!
Clem xx
Hi Clem,
totally agree on the whole: "waiting for emails, calls, girlie attitude". It's like I must not be ready, because everytime I meet someone, I start looking, waiting and waiting and have no patience. It's unnerving and as soon as I am alone, I am content again. I really do think, it's because in the back of my head, I just don't want to be ready and patient for someone. I just want to be left alone. As I said, as long as I don't meet anyone and it stays on a normal email exchange, I am perfectly content.
You stated your living abroad? Where? I am currently living in Germany. Have been for 10yrs but finally returning Stateside at the end of next month with my two little darlings.
Wow! Having met your birth mother and two brothers. How did you find her? Did she want to be found? Tell us about it. How was it for you? That must of been some excitement going on. Are you all close now?
Hey Cat,
Thanks for your update. I can totally relate to how you feel. I think there is a lot of peace in being alone and I also think that when you know what you want you just have to be patient until you get it.
Keep us posted on your moving and packing progress.
Hi Cat,
We are almost neighbours! I am in Switzerland... how long have you been in Germany?
Finding my mom was amazing... found her sister through the Internet, and it all followed on; I was very lucky because it was very easy for me, and I know that many people go through years of searching. I feel very blessed. She definitely wanted to be found... and her first reply to my message was on my birthday, which made it extra special. I have visited her once, and she plans to come over to see me in September. It has taken me many years of soul-searching to come to the conclusion that I should seek her out (I am 36) and I think I found her at the right time. She is barely 20 years older than me, so we have many years together to look forward to. Am not telling my children just yet; it just doesn't feel right at the moment, and I am sure I will know when the time is right.
This is all a bit off the subject isn't it?!! Well, if my computer virus is fixed at home, I will pop in while on my holidays to check to see how it is going with your new e-mail buddy!
Clem xx
Dear PreciousTwo,
I shed my last two men when I moved to a new city about six months ago.
Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p
The reason being that I don't think we really fit well, is that I really don't want to date a military man. I've done that in the past, but in all honesty I would like to finally get myself and my children settled in one spot and not necessarily think that I might have to get up and move again in two years. It's about time I try to stick it out in one area a little longer. However, things can always come differently. It's just a preference since I too was an x military brat and never had a chance to really call any place HOME and now I am rootless and wandering the globe in the search of it.
Well, that makes a lot of sense.
Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p