It could've been, but it wasn't.........
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It could've been, but it wasn't.........
| Mon, 04-24-2006 - 4:03pm |
It could of been the worst trip, but it wasn't. It was the best trip I've ever had and everything worked out magically. His son and my girls got along fantastic. They didn't want to spend a moment apart. That went for C and I as well.

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Awww thats wonderful...
Hey when you know you know...
Doesnt mean everything will be EASY but you have the "you know" behind you both and well- THAT is what everyone is searching for.
It was the same with Jerry and I - we just KNEW...as you know we have had our obstacles...however even now we are sooo in love and tell eachother 10 times a day at least.
I think its just wonderful :) and you sound smart about it.
Congrats and hugs...
MaryBeth
I'm so glad you had a great time, and so glad all of the kids did, too.
Keep us posted!!
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I am happy for you that you had a nice trip and that your face to face meeting went well. You have been communicating a lot and he is into you. The kids even got along.
Okay - so all of that is good. Could it be the one and you live happily ever after? Yes. But can you also get disappointed - yes. Every relationship is a risk.
Remember that you are in the beginning when everything is rosy. You have things in common and you agree on a lot of things. You are both presenting what you want each other to see - it is like a party where you send out all of this fancy food on a platter and no one sees what is going on in the kitchen. But the kitchen still exists.
Love really digs itself deep when you see the kitchen and you still love it. IN other words you just have to spend the time to discover each other's full and total selves and then decide that you still like and love all of those things about a person, good or bad. This takes time and it takes time in every day life.
I can tell you what I would want to find out about him if I was you - and you can take it or leave it. I am always here, as are the others, no matter what you decide or what happens. I would never ever say I told you so or judge you for what you did. But I will always try to be honest and careful.
The biggest thing I would question, given your situation, is stability. You are both a little more daring and risk taking than the average joe - not judging - just stating. So this is the biggest question for me. How long has he had his job - has he ever been in trouble with the law or with his finances or taxes? You can search on this online and I would always do that. Are you sure he is really divorced? This is just background homework to protect you, Cat. If this is clean then that is good. And don't do this just to appease me - do it for yourself and your kids.
The next question I would have - is how do you agree on everyday matters that ensure compatibility?
- hobbies
- late bird versus early bird
- neatness versus messiness
- attitude with money: saving, spending - how did you both handle this in your past relationships and how do you feel about that now?
- how to communicate something that bothers you
- attitude with raising kids - this is a biggie - how do you both discipline?
- religion
If you have some time that passes and you are both still really interested, you should move there. You have no real ties where you are now since it is new from your move from Germany and I would rather see you move there and get to know him on a day to day basis than just run off and marry in the sunset. You two are going to have to bridge the distance thing and since he has kids and an ex established and you are new where you are it would make sense to move. But I would not do this at the drop of a hat. Your kids have been through a lot. So just do a little detective work.
Remember, you are teaching your kids now by your actions. The end result of a happy marriage and stable home is great for all. But if it is not that then you will have a loss that is hard to recover from.
Do some real digging and try to find something wrong - especially with the online basic searches - whose name is on the house? Does he have any criminal records? County courthouses and county property appraiser's offices are easy to search. I do this on everyone I meet online and even in real life.
Keep us posted - we do care and want to see you happy. Think about your past boyfriends and how they have all made you happy in the first week but then how they unravel themselves at the seams after a few months. Just take it slow.
HUGS!! Glad to see you back safe and sound. Don't mean to sound like your mother. But I do care and feel responsible for my advice. I would probably want someone closer to me but that is me and I guess that is why I worry - you always read the dangers about long distance relationships. Just be careful, okay?
(edited to fix some grammar and spelling mistakes and to add to checklist)
Edited 4/24/2006 7:15 pm ET by cl-west1745
Well, I'm glad you're back safe and sound, and that everyone had a great time!
I too will echo the sentiments of going slow. Take your time to get to know him, and hopefully everything works out for you. Keep your eyes and ears open to what he says and what he does. You do deserve a great guy, but don't be too rushed to move too fast in this.
I just remember you posting quite similar about that guy a few months back that turned out to be a big party animal with BIG problems, so...
(((HUGS)))
I'm not throwing any stones.
Well, I am very glad it went so well for you. I don't want to repeat what everybody else has said. Just go SLOW. If it is meant to be, then it will happen. I also agree with making sure you are compatible in areas of day to day life. That takes time. Even though I see a future with my guy, we are both proceeding carefully. We are attending a Bible study on love, dating and marriage. I also intend to read some books on making relationships work. (Gotta ask firstamendment which ones they read)
I won't survive another divorce and I can't put my kids through any more heartache. So, I am going to do everything in my power to do things right. I hope things DO work out with him and I am looking forward to hearing how things progress.
Stephanie
Which books have you guys read and have they been helpful? Can you give me some titles to check out?
Stephanie
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