Is it creepy or just love?

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Is it creepy or just love?
15
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 8:59am

Ok, Mr. Jesus Sandals is STILL contacting me. He called me the other day because he'll be coming to town to see a mutual friend of our get married. We were supposed to go to the wedding together, but I am unsure if I will be going now because of my situation with J.

I told him on the phone that I don't know what more to say that I haven't already said to him. He begged me to please have lunch with him Saturday afternoon before the wedding to talk. The problem is, he still keeps emailing, calling, texting, even if I ignore him. Today he wrote again about how his vegetable garden is growing and when we come down to visit again he will have a fresh garden salad ready. GEESH! I'm starting to get really upset, but moreso a little creeped out that he is just PUSHING all of this so hard. Is it pure desperation? Like the kind that we do sometimes? Maybe he's just so in love and grasping at straws. What should I do? Meet him? My instincts say no, but maybe a good one on one eye to eye will get him to finally see that I am just NOT into him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 9:13am

I think if you're creeped out by this, there's a reason. Whether you go to the wedding or not is completely up to you, but you don't have to go with him.

I don't think meeting him will help anything. If I were you, and feeling weirded out, I'd block his emails and IMs, ignore his phone calls, and definitely wouldn't agree to meet him.

I haven't ever been in this situation though, where the guy was originally my friend, and a very good one.

Good luck, and keep us posted on what you decide to do.

Moody, a little creeped out herself


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Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 9:26am

First off, big ((((hugs))))) to you for having to deal with this because I have been there if you remember (with A).

In my opinion, I would be a little creeped out. You have already told him how you felt and where you stand but he isn't getting the picture. This is EXACTLY what I just went through with A and no matter how much I explained things to him, he never got it, it was like he saw this little glimmer of hope that I may change my mind or he could change it for me. He was very pushy and tried to make me believe he knew what was best for me. He didn't and I made sure he knew that.

Cat, do you really think that a heart-to-heart, face-to-face conversation with him will change his mind and make him stop contacting you? I mean, you are doing everything to blow him off but he is resiliant. That worries me....worried for you. I think that if he hasn't gotten the picture by now, he never will, no matter how, where, or when you tell him. Of course, it is up to you how you handle this because you know him better than I do but I just had to tell you this because it sounds sooooo much like my relationship with A.

Hang in there!

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 9:45am
NO NO NO - my goodness - he is stalking you and then wants to take you to a wedding? He might put something in your drink so you'd marry him!! LOL!! Just joking. I think you need to tell him you don't want him to contact you for a while - you need a break - and stop taking his calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 9:57am

Cat,


I agree with the others- and that is no- you shouldn't talk to him.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 10:45am

I don't know the whole story with this guy but have you told him that you are dating other men and that you just don't have those feelings for him? That might be enough for him to toddle off with his tail between his legs....?

It is a little creepy - I don't think you should meet with him. He is trying to lure you into his trap. I think he needs to go to lunch and the wedding on his own.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:27am
yeah, he called me at home and my oldest DD answers most of the time. I haven't told her about the situation because I don't want to upset her and in all honesty it's none of her business. As soon as I've had him on the phone, I was curt and short. Still didn't get the picture. My cell goes to voice mail, his mail is unanswered. I think I am going to tell him I won't go to the wedding. Not even in separate cars. I will tell the bride/groom that one of the girls is sick and leave it to that. I can't believe that it's gotten this out of control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:42am
Can you just tell him flat out that you met someone and are not dating anyone else right now and that he needs to just let this go and leave it alone?
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:50am

I don't think I want to open the can of worms regarding me dating someone else. I don't think it's any of his business, but I agree that I am going to send him a short quick email letting him know I have made other plans that day and I won't be showing up no where, no how.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 3:50pm

Ok, obviously creepy. Sent him the LAST email and here's a copy of it and at the bottom his response:
- ---------
Jeff-
Alex seems to be booked the entire weekend. I want to spend time with her and Nina tomorrow night, Saturday night she has a party to attend and now Sunday she'll be at the mall all day.

I have told you over and over again, we won't be spending Memorial Day weekend with you. It is over. Your feelings about us have made me feel uncomfortable to be with you. I know now that my spending time with you is going to give you hope, where I see none. I hope you can understand that. I miss they way we once were. As friends, but I definitely have no other intentions, nor will their ever be any. I'm sorry that hurts you, but it how I strongly feel. At this point our frienship has ended.

I know talking about it face to face is not a good idea anymore. Nothing you can say, will change what I already feel. I am more stressed out between us then happy now.
I had hoped one day we could have found that place where we once were as friends, but you have taken it to such extremems that I know it will not happen.
Good-bye.

- Cat.

His response:
Yes...it hurts badly. I guess I got what I deserve. It's just that I absolutely know in my heart we would make each other very happy...and I so much want the opportunity to show you I'm right. And I too miss the way we once were...as friends...and more, if you would just give us that chance. I still melt just thinking about the way you would look at me and the smile on your beautiful face; wanting to hold you desperately in my arms, but that's not what you want and there's nothing I can do about it.

Goodbye Catherine.

JK

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Thank God I blew off the wedding and all. How dramatic. Thanks for all the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 4:11pm

You did good with that.

He simply has a crush on you and as long as he has contact and hope he will have that strong stupid crush. His letter to you proves it.

My friend from 5th grade still has a crush on me and we cannot see each other. It is frustrating for me because he always believes we will be a couple. I would SO love to be able to have a beer and chat with him - because that is fun for me and we talk about great stuff. But there is NO romantic feelings and there will never be. I even tried that with him once like 20 years ago and it didn't work.

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