It did get physical

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
It did get physical
20
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 7:45pm

Well I was right. It was wonderful. EMT was wonderul but I feel guilty. I never felt guilt before. I think its the time I spent with RG has clouded my thinking. Now I feel like I did something God would not like. But I have never had a problem with sex before marriage. I know RG didnt mean to mess with my head. I mean the standards are his not mine. But it did and now I have to deal with it.


Laurie

anonymous

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 8:28pm

I think it is difficult when you spend so long pining over one person to take that step with someone else. I have not been with anyone but my now ex in the last 5 yrs and I know it will be difficult to 1)take that step and 2) deal with the guilt because I know once I have taken that step things are forever changed. I am not saying it was the right or wrong decision for you but I just want you to know that I commiserate because I suspect it will be like that for me as well. At the very least I expect some post coital internal awkwardness. But sometimes taking steps forward can be uncomfortable. Take a few days to mull over and sort through your feelings and see where it leads you.

P.S. It is natural that RG would have some impact on you. I have grown in many ways and been influenced from my relationship with my ex. For the most part, it has been positive. There is a quote which I will totally get wrong but...people enter your life for a reason, a season, of a lifetime so accept whichever role that person plays in your life and what you take away from it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:18pm

Do not feel guilty. When I met Mr. Summer Romance/Ghost, I hadn't been with anyone in three years. I hadn't been with anyone but my husband since 1986!!! The sex with my ex was AWFUL...if I hadn't had a few pre-marriage flings I wouldn't have known the difference. I thought I could overlook how bad it was because he was my husband. He was supremely selfish in the sack.

So when I got the opportunity, I jumped at it. I didn't think it would change anything between us, I just wanted to see what it was like with someone else and to see if what I thought about sex with my husband was valid (it was).

And while I can't decide what I want to do about this guy, coming back from the "dead" and all, I don't feel one bit guilty about sleeping with him.

If RG wouldn't do the deed because if his beliefs, that is his problem not yours. Too bad he got that idea in your head...maybe that was his way of exerting control over you. My ex would try to exert control by letting me know in subtle ways that he found other women more attractive.

Someone trying to control how you feel does not make for a good time, I know. But, no more guilt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:41pm

decide to do or don't do. don't feel guilty.


what you've done can't be changed. don't feel guilt. what you choose to do in the future is up to you. But don't let guilt infect your heart. Guilt is

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 10:12pm
Truly the others are right - you should not feel guilty.
I would also ask yourself this though. RG has taken a lot from you already with or without your permission. Your time, your heart, your energy and patience. ISnt it enough? Only you can put a stop to this because the last thing you want is for him to take away the warm fuzzies you could feel with someone as you first get together and form a physical connection with you. Should this relationship blossom and turn into something wonderful in your life long term, you cant get these early feelings and days back to redo them - live in the now!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 7:47am

Again agreeing with everone else.


I was dating a guy for over a yr and my guilt about having sex with him even tho Ex was living with the crackho RUINED our relationship. I realized that it was just me feeling insecure about myself and what I had to offer. If RG doesn't want to have premarital sex then that should be ok with you, be understanding of that and honor his wishes.Because

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 7:59am

Thanks JL and thanks everyone.

JL, youre right. There is something missing with EMT. The thing is I am not as attracted to him as I was to RG and I still have feelings for RG. I dont think they will ever go away. I will just have to learn to put them aside. So there really was not closure. We talked about being friends which we still are and then we went on with our lives. It was kind of a non break up. Strange huh. I think the thing that bothers me most is all of RG's religious beliefs came just before he met me. So I get the satisfaction of knowing he slept with his prior girlfriends but not with me. But I have to respect that, and I did. I backed off and left the ball in his court for a bit before I broke it off altogether.

Wow. Thanks for your reply. It really made me think through some things and get some answers!

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 8:01am

Also, I am sorry that your ex issues ruined your next relationship. It sounds like you learned from it though.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 8:06am

Thanks, I hope its just awkwardness for you and not guilt. I hate guilt. Guilt has no place in a loving relationship.

I have not figured what reason RG came into my life. I always believe that people come and go in your life for a reason. So maybe its the other way around for RG and me. I think I came into his life to make some changes. I believe I did too. When he met me he got back into running again and became more active. I think thats why I am in his life, to help him become more healthy.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 8:07am

Whats happening with Mr Ghost now?

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 9:37am

Curious question here...


Have you ever been in a situation like this where you're hung up on the old guy, but trying to move on with the new guy.. and you close your eyes during sex and just imagine the old guy? Ugg... I caught myself doing that once. I felt very guilty the next day and realized I had no business having sex with the new guy yet if thats how heavy my head and heart was with the old guy still.. ya know? Or the flip side of that is we close our eyes and imagine Brad Pitt! LOL!! Or in my case Ewan McGreggor.. OMG fanning myself now at the thought of it LOL.


So, I can understand why you felt off about the whole thing.. but this EMT guy sounds SO GREAT! Besides, you know me and my weakness for the public servants :) And part of me is jealous that you had a beautiful wonderful night with your medic while I'm still sitting here pining for mine haha.


The fact that you feel guilt just may be because its all so new.. I'm sure those feelings will pass.


Pages