Is it ever ok to.....
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Is it ever ok to.....
| Thu, 12-28-2006 - 4:12pm |
sleep w/your stbx?It's been about 2 months since we stopped. He left 3 weeks ago approx. Yesterday we(my s & I)went and spent the day with him....my d didn't want to go...my H and I watched our s play a game on the computer then s wanted to watch a movie.....we went in the room talked and had sex. My boss called to talk while H was a sleep. He wanted me to come by but I was feeling wierd......H informed me he "may" dump his OW GF....it doesn't change anything really except I really miss my ex and after 23 yrs it is hard to let go.
I went to work this morning and fell asleep on my bosses couch(I'm his nanny/housekeeper/personal assistant). He got up and came and layed on the couch w/me. He was on the other end and under a different blanket. We talked for about an hr then I went got his son out of bed. I made breakfast, did some laundry and other miscellaneous stuff. My boss went to the office. I brought his son to my house to play w/my son as they get along great. I feel guilty I am trying to live single and so is my boss and my H. Everyone has a "date" tomorrow night...except me..I'll be with the kids....I just want feel appreciated and thought of. When does that happen??? Not sure maybe I just need to NOT date, have sex w/anyone(my H was my 1st and only til the thing with my boss) Does it get easier?????
I went to work this morning and fell asleep on my bosses couch(I'm his nanny/housekeeper/personal assistant). He got up and came and layed on the couch w/me. He was on the other end and under a different blanket. We talked for about an hr then I went got his son out of bed. I made breakfast, did some laundry and other miscellaneous stuff. My boss went to the office. I brought his son to my house to play w/my son as they get along great. I feel guilty I am trying to live single and so is my boss and my H. Everyone has a "date" tomorrow night...except me..I'll be with the kids....I just want feel appreciated and thought of. When does that happen??? Not sure maybe I just need to NOT date, have sex w/anyone(my H was my 1st and only til the thing with my boss) Does it get easier?????

Whether or not its okay depends on whether or not you're doing it because you're two consenting adult who enjoy sex together, or simply because you miss him.
If you can have sex with him without letting your emotions take over (and that's VERY hard to do), it's probably okay. Some people are good with casual sex that doesn't mean anything, some people aren't.
But since you just recently split, I would guess that your emotions are definitely running high still. I would probably concentrate on myself for a while if I were in your shoes.
But, I'm not, and I know what its like to simply have needs. You're still human, after all.
Either way, whatever you do, we're hear to listen!
Moody, not having sex with anyone and perfectly willing to live vicariously (sigh)
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If I was you, I wound not have sex with either one of them! Because I want a guy who is totally committed to me and in love with me to have sex with me and I won't negotiate on this point. Although I have in the past and it has come back to haunt me each time.
As for the soon-to-be-xh, I would make it clear that I would love to have sex with him if he is willing to be my husband again in an exclusive relationship WITHOUT the OW/GF - and perhaps counseling is in order as well. Otherwise, you are left confused - does he really love you and not want to lose his marriage? Or are you a convenient booty call to fulfill a physical urge because he wanted to get his rocks off?
As for the boss, I think I would say that I appreciate his friendship now more than ever and especially the way he treats me and makes me feel so special. But I have to wait and get divorced before I can pursue anything because I only want to have sex with someone who wants a relationship with me and who loves me.
You see, I always have/had trouble deciphering between passion and love and whether a guy is into me for the sex or me? And if he is really good for me? I have learned through the school of hard knocks that it is better to wait and be friends and see if the guy is into me over time and really ready for a relationship - I think this is MORE the case when you are dating in midlife and everyone has baggage. Many men are not ready to fall in love again or sustain a serious relationship and not be selfish.
But that is just me and what I would do.
I would feel bad if I was having sex with either of them and then they are both out on dates while I am home watching the kids.
It sounds to me like you are a sweet and wonderful person and mom and need to stand up for yourself and what YOU want and how YOU want to be treated - because you are the only one who CAN negotiate this for YOU. I think you will figure this out in time.
Keep us posted - I hope we are helping you somehow. It is good that you are coming here and writing stuff down.