Is it hard finding a man when......?
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Is it hard finding a man when......?
| Wed, 10-03-2007 - 12:02pm |
Ok, I am about to end a 5 yr relationship with my fiance due to major incompatibility issues as we have found and I had a daughter from a previous relationship and we have 2 children together. Is it hard to find a man that is not scared off when you have 3 kids? I only had one when I dated before and it was no problem but is 3 alot different?

Hi, Laurie!
I totally am not speaking from experience here (I have one child), but it would seem to me that it wouldn't make
I agree to a certain degree on the comment of the number of children the parent has.
Mark, Thanks for your input.
My thought of marriage with kids is that the children and the mother will have more legal rights/protection.
Hi. I have three small children at home right now. I have dated a little and it hasn't seemed to make a difference to anyone I have gone out with. I haven't really had a serious relationship with anyone though. There just hasn't been anyone that I "clicked" with and that had nothing to do with my children.
Finding time to date with three kids may be more difficult for you than if you only have one because there are so many more activities and the amount of time to just help with homework and that type of thing. I find it very difficult sometimes. But they are also young enough that bed time is 8:00 so if I don't feel the need to have a spotless house (and I don't) I can go out then. They are with their dad every-other weekend as well which gives me some mom time.
I do think a commitment may be harder for some men to make with a larger family. He would have to be able to adjust to that lifestyle. Have three children is a lot of work (it can be fun and there are lots of rewards, but it is work nonetheless) and not all men may be up for that challenge. It also depends on what you want in a R. Many of the women here have longterm R that don't really involve living together or marrying or meshing two families together. I guess you will just have to see as time goes on what will work for you.
Welcome to the board.
Priscilla
I think if a woman wants to be supported post split, then marriage would be a protection. I don't think many states would recognize a partnership and order any kind of support for the adult of two unmarried partners. Some states do, but not many. Children are entitled to child support regardless of the circumstances. Biology usually dictates this regardless of the relationship of the parents.
Good to see you, Mark. Hope things are going well.
Priscilla
HI there!
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I agree with Moody and others - that having kids is just one more factor in the mix - much like height or religion. To me, the bigger challenge is finding someone YOU want to date.
Sorry to hear your SO is such a selfish person. That is hard for you. But I am glad you have the strength to make the right choice. Hopefully he will help you good with the finances and the time needed and ditto with the first.
Good luck through your separation and welcome to our board!!
when i first came to this board, that was my biggest question. How difficult will dating be when a guy finds out i have... brace yourself... 5 children. Over a year ago, i wouldn't tell guys my situation.. tried to hide having children (which made it very difficult to carry a conversation when the biggest part of my life was "off limits" d'oh.) And hide my age, and hide my marriage history... I was worried about being blown off before given a chance...
What a difference a year has made!!!! Over time i realized what Moody and West were saying.. one or five.. not much difference.. and a guy will like ME for ME and not the perfect image i'm trying to portray. And with my situation, i'm not looking for a dad replacement... i'm looking for someone to go OUT with.. not bring home... So, I'm happy to say that now, one of the first things to come out of my mouth is the fact that i have children... And i have a ton of interesting and funny stories involving my children. (like the time my daughter put her glass of milk in my hands when i was sleeping... and when i woke up, i spilled it all over myself. To her it was innocent, but to me it was like a college prank)...
Once i told someone i had five children, and he said, "will you have one of mine..." in jest.... Most people say, wow, you don't look like you've had 5 kids. Or you don't look old enough to have had 5 kids.... So, i guess, i give off the impression that i'm fit or that i'm atleast healthy... all things that are attractive to guys.
My advice is keep a positive attitude, share positive stories, enjoy being YOU and the men around you will be attracted no matter what your circumstance.
Welcome,
Loonybunny
I have had no problem getting dates...as long as you have a babysitter :)
However...I was open and honest right away that I had children, and that their dad was involved in their lives, and I was moreso looking for someone for ME....altho my boyfriend now loves my children and they love him too :)
Sorry to hear about the crappy relationship! :(