it hurts
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| Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:51pm |
I'm not going to lie... it hurts...
At 8:00 pm i called him to make sure plans had not changed.. he said we are all set to meet tonight.
But what happened???? I called at 11 pm when i was about to leave work.. his friend answered the phone and said he had passed out.. that he had a hard day at work and drank too many margaritas...
I said, are you sure he doesn't want me to wake him up... last time we had a miscommunication and i don't want another one... His friend said, "trust me he's out..." I said, "can i at least just get my camera? i really want it back..." His friend said let me look for it and i'll call you back. I said, okay call back because i don't want to wait all night.
His friend called back and said i can't find it.. i'll tell TG to call you tomorrow to give you back your camera... I said okay.
So i'm back at work.. no need to leave now.. i might as well just stay here and keep working...
It hurts. I'm mad.. BUT i'm not driving over to his house... yay for me... I could REALLY use a friend right now....!!!!!
So now, i think he's an alcoholic... i'm upset because he knew we were suppose to talk tonight but instead i think he purposely got drunk so he would have an excuse not to talk to me... OR he really did work hard (well, i know he did... and i know he got little sleep last night....) BUT at 8 pm, it was like yes yes let's talk tonight...
I guess he doesn't care...
I'll be alright!!!! I know this.. but it hurts tonight. My new plan is to assume we are broken up... not call him or text him.. and just sit back and wait for my camera.... he knows i want it back so i don't see the point in hounding him over it..
But sure he might call me tomorrow... I still may feel the need to talk to him ... ya know... to have that closure... but who am i kidding.. when is a breakup ever "no hard feelings...."
okay change of plans i did send a text.... i wanted to tell him a piece of my mind... i said "i don't hate you.. unless that's what you want.. i'm hurt... at this point i'm assuming we are broken up... no strings.. but i do need my camera back."
How was that????
Loonybunny

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Thank you for understanding... you have no idea how much that means to me right now....
I don't mind hanging out with someone who drinks.. as long as that person can handle his alcohol... and has his priorities straight... IF he drank so much that he passed out.. and if that was the case the other couple times he "stood me up"... then sure, i know better than to go down that road... my head is saying NO THANK YOU!
I'm actually proud of myself that i'm not going freakazoid and speculating too much... i'm choosing to believe what you wrote.. and perhaps
((((hugs))))
I'm thinking of you!
I think you did a lot of good things Loony - but he couldn't hold up his part of the bargain - but now you know - that is why we date. It IS a pain to find a match - someone who likes you and who is emotionally stable and dependable and with the same values - and you will find it - - but he did look good in the beginning - one will come along again and be good and stay good next time. You are doing great with your new job. No worries! I don't think anyone wanted to see you get hurt - I just think they wanted to make sure you wouldn't take him back. I hope you don't mind if I really said what was on my mind to wait for sex next time - just to see how they shake out - of course that is your own decision - I just want to make sure they really want you for who you are and not just that - because it is hard for me to distinguish and I just think that helps keep things slower plus it shows you are worth the wait - otherwise they look good because they are caught up in the moment.
I think you have come a long way and learned a lot - as we all have! This one was better than the rest - and so the next one will be even better!
You are hurting, I know, but just take good care and it will get a little better each day!! I hope you get a great project at work where your artistic fun side just shines!
Ahhh Looney.
Thanks to everyone who has shown your caring today... i really need to feel it... so i dont feel so alone today... i haven't had a good cry yet... i feel like i just want to release it all with a good cry... like that song "Little Wonders"... "let it go.. let if fall right off your shoulders..."
and you know what.... i'm so afraid today... not sure of what... just afraid.. i don't want to feel numb... i dont' want to be bitter or give up...... i want my life to be simple again.... be that carefree spirit i was when i first moved up here.. i was ready for my life to be filled with good things... like anything was possible...
And i have to still believe that... i have to still believe that right around the corner is something wonderful... i have to praise God even more for my heartbreak... than for the seemingly good things... i will praise Him... i'm not a perfect christian but i know He loves me anyway.. Praise him!!! Praise him for my heartbreak.
again... thanks to all who taken the time to send a hug my way... much appreciated!
Loonybunny
(((((Loony)))))
I've been reading and I know you're feeling so bad over this. The only thing I know for certain is that the sky will be blue again soon....it's just hard to see when you are in the gray. I'm so sorry...
It is obvious that TG does not deal well with stress or confrontation. He drank until passing out instead of owning up to talking with you. If this is how he is now....it will not change. These are his true colors. This is how he "deals" in relationships. I feel certain that you do not want to be with someone long term who copes the way he does.
Loony, you are pure light and joy and you have the most beautiful and loving soul. I pray that you never sell yourself short or let someone drag you into their darkness with their baggage and daggers. You can step away now...it is a good time to just cut and run. Rebecca said something so true, that the actions matter more than the words.
I'll be thinking of
Loony
I find that prayer either before bed or when waking up is very helpful.
.. sincerely.... i think the best for me to find peace is to remember my joy that comes from within...
That's all I would wish for you too, LB! Even when things were going well with you
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry :(
I think you may be muddied up a bit because you're feeling hurt, confused etc. But my opinion is you were generous on giving him a 2nd chance. I agree some guys really do deserve and need a second chance and then they're good as gold and it's a dream come true. But a third chance? No way! He blew it. BIG TIME. Don't start second guessing that your text was in poor choice or anything like that. HE KNEW he was to meet with you and he blew it. Get your camera and don't look back. Seriously. Hard day at work or not. He had plans with you, and he blew them off and didn't give you a courtesy phone call. He'll do it again. And again as long as you keep letting him.
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