Is it just me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Is it just me?
13
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 10:25am

I have started wondering if I am as "perfect" or "wonderful" as some guys tell me I am. lol I don't do anything special, I am myself and don't put on an act, and I speak my mind about what I want and don't want. For some reason, after one or two dates, guys want to go exclusive because I am such a great person and they want to be there for me and do for me, etc.

Now I'm not telling y'all this because I think highly of myself, it's quite the opposite. I just don't understand why they do this in the beginning! It really scares me!

For example, the ex-cop came into town Sat night and spent the night. No sex but we did fool around a bit and we had a good time. I cooked dinner. The thing that bothered me was that he kept TELLING me what I needed and that he would provide it for me. He is a very caring and thoughtful person but I don't like people telling me what I need or don't need. Maybe that is the independence coming out in me. He wrote me an email Sun night (last night) and it kind of freaks me out. Here it is below and keep in mind that we have gone out on 3 dates and have talked on the phone/email....

"Hello,
I just wanted to tell you I had a great time with you this weekend and I hope to do it again soon. I want to ensure you that my mind and heart are with you and that you have no worries to be concerned about when it comes to anything. I heard you say so many guys are after one thing and when they get that one thing the move on. I don't know how anyone could ever be that way with you. You are such a great person I don't know how they could be that way. I told you we went to bed around 1am and you fell asleep and I sat there and just looked at you for the longest time. You looked so peaceful sleeping there and you look like a little angel. ( even though I know your not ) IoI I told you the other night when we watched the fireworks the ever lasting thing that stuck in my head was the wind blowing through your hair. Last night the thing that stuck in my head was the peaceful look you had on your face. I just enjoy spending time with you no matter what that time consists of from sitting on the couch holding each other to just talking. You are a great person who has a heart of gold and that is what I like about you. All the other things are just additives. I know you need your space and time for your school work and that I will ensure you will happen. I don't want to do to much to fast IoI like that has been happening. I just want you to know I am there for you and will always be there for you. Trust in me I will never let you down, what you see is what you get with no hidden suprises or lies. Well enough said for today I will talk to you later bye....... I hope you have a great week with your son and you have alot of fun."

Am I just ungrateful? lol What he wrote is great and like I said, he is a very caring and loving person and has old school values BUT he is already considering what we have as exclusive. He has told all of his friends and family about me and they have told him that he has got it bad. My stomach is in knots!

Any advice or just thoughts to share would be GREATLY appreciated!

Jennifer (who wonders how she gets herself into these situations and if she's ungrateful)

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: jh12
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 3:47pm

Bumping the post up because I thought it was all an interesting read after your encounter with the X wife. This way everyone knows what she is talking about regarding the peaceful sleep.

I say your gut instinct served you VERY well in this one. It really sucks right now, but pat yourself on the back for feeling something was fishy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jh12
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 4:09pm
I could hug you right now! That was a very good idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: jh12
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:08am

I agree with you to some extent about this. I don't know about waiting a year AFTER the divorce is final. Some places it takes years after the separation for the actual divorce to be final. Much of that is about dividing up assets and such and really has nothing to do with whether or not anyone has moved on. My divorce could have been final in June according to the laws here (one year of separation is mandatory before filing regardless of anything else). But I haven't filed the paperwork and neither has he. We have separated our lives and the only real reason to file the final papers would be if one of us was in the place to remarry. The separation agreement worked out all the custody and property issues and I quite frankly need to pay off my attorney for that before spending the money for the divorce decree (which I most likely will prepare and file myself so I only have to pay the court costs).

Maybe a year of separation? Is that what you meant? I also think everyone is and individual and the time it takes to be ready is different for everyone. I have a girlfriend that has never been without a man. she was totally freaked that she didn't have a boyfriend for the holidays last year. I have spent many holidays with friends or alone. I can and do lead my own life so I think my wanting a partner is different than her seeming to need to be with someone. I think as soon as she meets someone, they will become her world and I won't hear much from her. I'm just not like that. An intimate relationship is nice but only part of my life, not the entire thing. It seems like that is very different for some. She also admitted that she reinvents herself depending on what man she is dating. I am who I am and although we do grow overtime, I won't be somebody else to please a man.

Sorry about the hijack. I just don't think "one size fits all". Although I certainly enjoy some of your man's point of view that you share.

Priscilla

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