IS IT ME, or does this board seem a bit

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
IS IT ME, or does this board seem a bit
35
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 6:35pm

quiet lately! We used to have so much to write about and so much stuff to talk about. It just seems that in the last months it's been unusually quiet. What's up? Any ideas to perk this board up again? What happened to Wednesday Woes or otherwise? We had some sizzling topics. We should try to sizzle that up again. Try to post more about sexy topics or taboos, as well as what's going on with our kids, our lives outside of dating and otherwise. AS WELL AS ALL OUR DATING EXPERIENCES. I'd like to see this happen more again. Not to discourage the newbies, but we used to post so MUCH in one day that I hardly see much of a change now. Let's brainstorm and think of daily stuff we could just post. Like Monday Minutes (from the weekend), Tuesday Tantrums/Tempers/Temptations, Wednesday Woes, Thursday Thrills, Friday Five. Then something for us Weekend lurkers; sexy saturday and sinnful sundays (lol). I hardly hear how anyone is doing outside of the dating. How are you handling your schedules, your job, your finances. The everyday worries of singlehood or the everyday joys of it and that of motherhood. The feelings aside from the dating. Can we boost this all up a bit. We had a very emotional post back in December and it seems alot has changed since then. I would like to see it change again. We all love each other, all support each other and I just get this feeling that alot of gut feeling (except for a few) is no longer being posted, but everything is being posted very carefully. I don't want to step on anyone's toe's, but does ANYONE get this feeling, or is it just me? Give me your update, brainstorm with me, let's get this board rollin again!

Huggin you all!

- Catherine

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 4:03pm
I was making a "suggestion", just like First had a great idea about work topic; excellent idea. I just think sometimes you have to push a little to get people to open up. Sex, fine, it doesn't have to be a topic. I will NEVER bring it up again. I'd hate to think this board could ever be misconstrued as "a Taboo board" heaven forbid. I will say, that sometimes, like right now, I could really say what I think, but that would probably be best left if I had someone face to face, because itS very OBVIOUS, that you and Candi both misunderstood my post, and somethings are better worked out either A. left alone, or B. face to face. Since I can't do B, I am going to do A. Funny, that no one else saw it me wanting to change the board, they saw it as it was; Constructive criticism. I am stating that Candi made the comment that she wouldn't like to be thought as this (sexual)way or that just because we post it; so, from my point, I assume, she thinks that I do. I was asking for a brain storming session. I also didn't mean that the two CL's get together to do this, but that we just do it as a board family, together. Everyone giving his or her ideas. Nothing more, nothing less. To make Sex seem so sinnful, was a shocker to me, because I noticed we were always open, very open and I thought it would be fun to ask stuff for the fun of it. Nothing major, but whatever we wanted. I know I rather ask any of you ladies, then ask the TABOO board. Sorry I was wrong. Could of been as innocent as we wanted, sorry to have made a full blown deal out of it, but for some reason, I remember having a few other suggestions other then the topic sex. Again, I was just trying to thing of way, to bring this board a little upbeat again. I miss that. Especially because it's Winter Blues, that's why. Hellloooo? What better time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 4:19pm

Catherine, you are most definitely allowed and even encouraged to suggest anything you want. Or to disagree with anyone you like. By the same turn, I am allowed to disagree with you or have other opinions. I'm not judging you and I wasn't saying yes or no to your idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 6:11pm

Cat, Darlin:

Yeah, I did notice a bit of a change in the board and I do think things have slowed down a bit. Not a lot of new people, but the board really is hard to find now, although I'm not sure if that's the reason. When I was new, I was a little intimidated to post because everyone on the board seemed like they were friends forever, and I didn't know how I would fit in. Of course, that's not an issue any more, but it can be scary for someone who's new and just reads instead of participates in our discussions. I do feel, in my humble opinion, that this is one of the friendliest boards, and our CL's do a GREAT job of welcoming new people, as do other long-timers. That really means a lot to a newbie trying to fit in somewhere. I know that's how I felt over a year ago when I was new to all of this.

In can only speak for myself, but I was soooo swamped at work last week, that I didn't even check the board during lunch every day like I usually do -- that's because I don't think I actually took a lunch at all last week. Unfortunately, my lunch time is the time I visit with everyone. I can't afford a computer at home right now -- I need to get a new roof with my income tax money. So, I think when people say they are busy, I think it's legit.

I have to admit that I enjoyed some of the discussions we had about sex -- it was fun. That was all started by someone asking a question or doing a survey. You're good at coming up with fun questions. Keep it up -- it's fun. In responding to some of those surveys, I wondered how much I could write without getting into trouble. I have lurked on the boards geared more towards sex questions, and I don't even bother with it any more. I didn't like them. This is just my opinion, but it seemed like some of those boards had people on there that were about 16 years old. I'm pretty sure everyone who posts here is over 16. Were adults, and it shows. We can have mature discussions about anything and everything -- kids, jobs, dating, sex.

I wanted to comment on something that you put in one of your responses. You said "HOW MUCH DATING CAN you talk about, when most of us don't even DATE???" That's a pretty true statement. It goes both ways, though, for the people who are dating and the people who aren't. You guys are my friends, and I know whatever I have to say, you will listen, and try to help if you can. That's why when I've got some issue going on, I do post. But I have to admit that sometimes when things are going well for me, like they "seem" to be right now, I just don't post it because things can change in an instant. Also, I know what it's like to be dating no one for a long time. Been there, done that. But now I am dating someone, and things seem to be going very well. In fact, I really don't think they could be any better. I just don't post a lot about the good things going on in my dating life because I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging or rubbing it in or anything like that. I would never do that. So, I just kind of downplay the good stuff and post more when he makes me mad or when I have some other crisis going on. Does that make sense? Don't get me wrong though, if you guys want to hear me ramble on and on about my BF, I can do that, but I just don't think you guys want to hear that. But, on the other hand, I know you don't want to hear just bad things. It's kind of a delicate balance. On the other hand, you posted a question about what was your worst/best Valentine's Day. I haven't had a chance to get over there yet, but I'll post about this yar's Valentine's Day because it was probably one of the best (at least the best in terms of my dating life -- I'm too old to remember all the married ones).

I think the best thing any of us who read or post on this board can do is to be ourselves. That's what I think makes us different from other boards. We real people dealing with a lot of real issues. If someone feels like posting a question, a survey or a poll, then they should. If someone has a Wednesday woe or a work woe, that should be posted also. Things may slow down a bit, or even change a little, but the core of this board is made up of some really great people (you included Cat) and I don't think that's going to change.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 6:31pm

Donna,

Of course we want to hear you ramble about Mark! We want it all - the good counts, too! It gives all of us hope.

I agree with your post so much! This is the best board because it is all real people with normal lives. I know that I can come here to see that other people are experiencing the same things as me with regards to their lives from children to divorce to exhusbands and life and dating after all of that. No one else can understand but someone who has been through the same.

I also like that I can have a place to go when I need to vent or to ask opinions on something. And I love the diversity of the experience and answers of the women here.

There is no other board like this one.

As an aside, I hope you are getting caught up at work. It is so nice you got to go in and spend time with your kids in school. I did that with my ds as well today - he was so happy to see me and I feel so lucky that I could go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 6:22pm

DONNA!

I was reading but trying not to respond to this particular thread. You said: "I just don't post a lot about the good things going on in my dating life because I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging or rubbing it in or anything like that."

WHAT!?!?!?! That absolutely, positively INFURIATES ME - that you have been made to feel SO UNCOMFORTABLE (and I don't think it's you overreacting, at all, just so you know!) that you aren't sharing your happiness and good things because you don't want anyone to feel that you are bragging or rubbing it in or anything like that! POST AWAY! Women who are FRIENDS will want nothing more than to CELEBRATE your good times with you, even if they are currently in the lowest of lows. Women who are your friends will have a brighter day because of YOUR JOY! POST! POST AWAY! When ALL of the women who are now married were single and dating - we were NONSTOP joy and happiness! Talking about our fantastic weekends, our silly fights, our wonderful makeups, EVERYTHING about our relationship. Even the quick changes when we were saying "THIS IS IT! I'm gonna kill him!" We were laughing and crying and hugging one another. It was THE BEST! The fact that the single girls on the board don't have that now absolutely infuriates me.

Please post.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 6:27pm

Talking about our fantastic weekends, our silly fights, our wonderful makeups, EVERYTHING about our relationship


That I miss. That I definitely miss...


Relationships weren't just "facts" here. As in "oh, now I am dating so and so" We actually got to KNOW one another's SO's. I feel like I personally know TT, and Tara's James and Maggie's Chris and Andrea's MG

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 6:30pm
I wasn't here then, but I totally agree with you. If people can't post about the happy dating experiences, this will just become the single, dating and complaining board.

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:44am

I don't have a TO All button thing or a sorry button. However, Min, said for me what I was trying to say, but on the sly. Not straight out, because I didn't want to bring it all up again. It was about the tone, the opening up, I was trying to think of just some fun things or some topics that might some of our old trust back to the board. I TOTALLY SCREWED THAT UP! It's hard sometimes to explain, that is why I told Becky I would want to see her face to face instead of typing half way across the world. It has gotten, that most of us, no longer open up like we once did. I was just trying to make a slow process of what that was like once. Min said to me, on another board, because I was so sad, that it will never be the same (the ebb and the tide), maybe with time, but in reality the married ladies no longer feel as welcome as they once had. This doesn't go for just the married ladies. It goes for me, Donna, and sometimes I think a few others, but I won't speak for them. I went the total WRONG way about it. I got angry at our wonderful CL's, because I was hoping they would read my mind, because both have known me for so long. For this I am truly truly sorry. I'll send you both a mind reader book. Becky, Candi you both do a marvelous, terrific job, I love you both very much, I just miss the others very much and I miss the old days and I feel like I don't know where I belong (I'm single, but I feel comfortable with Becky and the Ladies that have been through thick and thin with me for all these years, I love the new women we have, but it's not the same). I would love to have my cake and eat it to, like I did. So, I guess I am an ungreatful spoiled brat. I am just taking it all way harder because I live in a different country and you guys are my connection to home. You are the only one's I can talk to. I think we all understand that. Things you can't tell your other family or friends.

I love you all.

Becky, I wish I could hug you and I wish you knew that I feel like an A**. I care about you very much, your life, what's going on with your life. You've been like a cyber sister to me. I hope you'll forgive me.

- Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 11:38am

Donna,

We want to hear you babble about Mark!! Tell us about this Vday that was so wonderful!!
____________
"I just don't post a lot about the good things going on in my dating life because I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging or rubbing it in or anything like that. I would never do that. So, I just kind of downplay the good stuff and post more when he makes me mad or when I have some other crisis going on. Does that make sense?"
____________
It does make sense in a way - if something good was happening for me I would want to pinch myself and make SURE it was happening - I wouldn't want to jinx it with a post right away!! Silly - but be sure you are not rubbing it in - I have had a lot of dates and will have many more - your stories encourage!!
____________
"Don't get me wrong though, if you guys want to hear me ramble on and on about my BF, I can do that, but I just don't think you guys want to hear that."
____________

YES YES YES - Ramble on!! I love to read stories!!
____________
"But, on the other hand, I know you don't want to hear just bad things. It's kind of a delicate balance. On the other hand, you posted a question about what was your worst/best Valentine's Day. I haven't had a chance to get over there yet, but I'll post about this yar's Valentine's Day because it was probably one of the best (at least the best in terms of my dating life -- I'm too old to remember all the married ones)."
____________
You are never too old for anything!!

Okay - we are waiting on this story!!

CHEERS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 3:25pm

Min:

I'm so behind, I didn't even know you responded to my post. Actually, I understand where you're coming from. But my not wanting to post good things is more a "me" thing than a "board" thing. It's like what West said: she'd be afraid to jinx herself. That's how I feel. I guess I was speaking for myself and not for anyone else, and I'm sorry. I just meant that there were times, not often, but there were times when I was down and out and I would read someone's post about their happiness and feel a little jealous. But I think that's just human nature. But you're right, that shouldn't stop people from posting -- good or bad. I guess I just expressed myself the wrong way. I know that everyone on this board that I have become friends with would never begrudge me my happiness -- never. I've never felt uncomfortable about posting anything. I've told some real wild stories in the past, yet everyone has always been supportive.

When I said I didn't want to post about the good things, that comes more from me, on the inside, being scared as hell, and wondering when I'm going to wake up from this dream. Stuff like this just doesn't happen to people like me. I've had such bad dating experiences since my divorce, that I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Mark blew me off and now he's back -- and treating me better than he ever did the first time. Can I really have a second chance at happiness? That's a question I ask myself all the time. So, it's more my own insecurity than anything that anyone on the board has ever said or done. Actually, I've been thinking a lot lately about something West said a few weeks ago. She said it's better to take a ride on the Mark train and crash than to not have had the train ride at all. That's excellent advice, and I think about that often. I try not to analyze things and try not to look too far ahead. I'm best when I'm in the moment.

I apologize if I hurt anybody's feelings. I'd be honored to share my happiness with all of my friends here on the board. Just do me a favor, if I start acting like a teenager, just slap me, ok? I haven't felt like this I was in my 20's, so I might act a little silly sometimes. And if I ever get to be too much, just let me know.

Hugs to everyone!

Donna