Is it ok to move?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Is it ok to move?
4
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 11:23am

Hi Ladies,


I'm a mother of 4

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 12:17pm

I totally understand you're wanting to move somewhere that is of your own choosing, not live in a city that was for your X's benefit and that is a location that you may have never wanted to be. All my moves after marriage were for my X's career. It would also be very good for you to have family nearby; and, if your job prospects are better there, your children will benefit.

However, it will be hard on your kids. How old are they? Do they have a lot of attachments to friends in their current location? Are they in school and what grades? Are they in sports and will now have to try to fit in to a new team? A big move, 3 hours away from dad is huge, is very stressful for kids, and that will be on top of the stress of the divorce. IMHO I'd give the kids at least a year to process the divorce before making another big change. Maybe visit the new location for extended family visits over the summer so they get a gradual introduction to the new location.

I know I could not move out of my current city without a major legal battle with my X. I could even lose primary physical custody if I were to try to move. Luckily, I like where I live and have good job prospects here, and my family likes to visit in the winter. Have you looked into the legal issues regarding custody and the changes to your parenting plan that will be necessary after such a move? Do you have full legal custody?

Lots to think about, and of course, the bottom line is kids are resilient, so no matter what you choose they will ultimately adapt. It won't be easy, though.

QueenBun

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 2:55pm

How involved is he in their lives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 7:48pm

My personal opinion is that I would not move my DS more than an hour away from his father since his father is very active in his life. And also, my DS loves his school and his friends here.

I wonder if you can move to a city that is half way between your exh and your family?

I can understand how you want to live near family - but that is hard for a kid to be without easy access to the other parent and to be uprooted. Just my .02. You are the one who knows your own situation the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 12:56am
Hard decision. BUT, imho, kids come 1st. Its not their fault the marriage failed. & if they have a good, involved Dad, they are SO lucky. I think that you could choose a place a bit closer, & make you all happy?

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