Is it selfish?
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| Sun, 05-20-2007 - 9:31am |
Is it selfish that because I am not happy right now and alone and confused that I do not want to hear my friend whining about her pilot BF's hectic schedule and how she has to wait 9 whole days to get some? Is it selfish that because I am sexually deprived right now and having to use toys if I want to get any satisfaction that I do not want to hear about their sex life? Is it selfish that I am a bit resentful of her relationship because she drops me with no call when we have plans and he calls her to say he is back in from his flights? Is it selfish that because I was always there for her when she was alone and screwing up relationships she had while I was still happily married that I should expect her to do the same for me while I am sad? Is it selfish that I am not happy for her relationship because deeply I know she will do the same thing with this guy she has with the others and that she has changed since she's been with him? Is it selfish that I am sick of every other word coming out of her mouth being his name? Could it be that I just want to be the one in the relationship and not be the one that is alone?
~Mel~

I dont think it is selfish. I have been in that situation before. Except at the time I was pregnant and my best friend was about to get married. I absolutely love her, but it really started to get the the point where I could not stand to be around her.
I am actually starting to go through the same thing again. I came to Germany for 2 weeks to see the same girl that I was talkin about before. I have known her since I was 4 and we are the closest of friends, but she married a military man, and moved away the week after her wedding, so other than phone talk, and her coming home for a couple of weeks the past 2 summers, I havent got to see my friend. So the first week of me being here was really cool it was just like old times. Then her hubby came home (he has been gone on deployment for the past 4 months). Within the moment he walked in the door, it was like she forgot I am around. I know it shouldnt bother me, her hubby was gone for 4 months... I would probably be exactly the same way. I leave tomorrow morning, and they are already in bed. I was really hoping that we would get one more day or afternoon w/ just me and her to hang out. The most we have spent me and her was sitting in a traffic jam on the way to get some awesome german ice cream (sorry, i loved that stuff) We sat in the traffic jam for half an hour, and she thought her hubby w/ould be worried by then, so she wanted to go home, promising to go the next afternoon. Yea we never did go. Oh well though. I am going home tomorrow, and then we will go back to our hour long convo's on the phone everyday (god love vonage) and then everything will go back to normal.
Hmmmm I seem to have wandered off subject. Sorry. So my advice lol: I say just take a break from your friend. Go out w/ your single friends to a club or a bar. Go look at some hot guys and have a good time!
Hey Mel...No, I don't think that it is selfish of you at all. You are going through a rough time and right now, you need support. If she is not giving it to you, I agree that you have to take a break from her. Have you had a talk with her and voiced what you have mentioned here? Just tell her that though you are happy that she is happy, you need for her to tone it down a little bit. At least for a little while. If she can't do that, well then, I don't know what to say about how much she values your friendship.
I know it is hard but you'll be ok...somehow, we always are. :)
Happy mom to 3 wonderful Boys and 1 pretty Girl!
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I've had friends like this before. They fit right into the category of negative people, people who don't want the best for you, people who really aren't in it for a two-way thing. The way I handle it is to either get them completely out of my life or just not depend on them. It's hard, especially if you don't have many other close friends, but in the end, it's worth it. A true friend will always make time for you.
Well I told her when she was whining the other day about "oh God, nine more days!" that at least SHE has someone and he wants to see her as much as he can and that he WANTS sex with her. And she looked at a wedding shot of Shane and me and said, "But you have this and I've never had it." I quickly replied, "Yeah and where is he now? In an apartment sleeping on a mattress ont he floor because he'd rather do that than sleep near me. I have alot!" I said, "go ahead and cry about waiting a whole nine days for your next go round between the sheets, R, but don't do it around me because until you've gone as long as I have so far and remember I'm married, then you have nothing to b$*&@ about."
She just stood there amazed but it hasn't phased her a bit. He called her while she was out with me the other night and she ran to the bathroom because God forbid he know she's at a club having fun without him. Yeah, he told her he did not find that appropriate yet he's "forgotten" to call her because he was out at the bars in various towns he flies to getting wasted. Sounds shady to me, but she worships him since he does things to her private areas. I love her to death, she's as sweet as can be, but it seems like if she has something to suck on, then she's happy, otherwise, she clings to me and expects me to babysit her.
~Mel~
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