is it too much to ask?
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| Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:12am |
sigh... not feeling so basking today....
perhaps i'm just moody, but i feel frustrated. yesterday i had to take a day off because my car was in the shop. i thought..oooh, an opportunity to see MM, perhaps. But only if i could get the children to sleep in time, ya know. I had an otherwise perfect day at home ... did a lot of house cleaning, made a pretty good dinner for the children, and MM had agreed that coming over after bedtime was a good idea. Again, he was not upset. But i was when the children wouldn't fall asleep on time... He said he'd need some sleep himself at 10:30 so he said he'd wait til then to see if the plans were a go....
I was very disappointed to say... no, doesn't look like they'll be asleep for another hour. :( Felt sad that i didn't pull off my plan and frustrated that things are not more simple. MM asked me how i felt and i said, like i still need a hug and kiss, but it is what it is, i guess. He sent a text saying "imagine i'm giving you a big hug and kiss and wrapping my arms around you"...

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Loony,
I've been contemplating how and what I wanted to respond to you about this
This is exactly how I feel too, but you put it into words better than I ever could.
Loony-
I didn't want to express my thoughts on this because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I agree 100% with C. It seems to me sometimes that your kids are second to going out, seeing friends, and having fun. I'm sure that this isn't true, but that's the feeling I get from your posts. I would love to be able to even find a babysitter to watch my son so I can go out and party, but I can't justify spending money on myself for things like that. I know it's harder for you because the father isn't around and I understand. I was lucky enough to get 2 weekends a month to see Barry before we moved in together, and I always felt like it wasn't enough either. While you and MM have been friends for a while, this relationship is still new. Try to take a step back and just breathe. Enjoy your kids while they are young, because if everything goes as planned MM will always be around but your kids are only little for a short amount of time. I hope I'm not coming off as criticizing, because that's not at all what I'm trying to say. I just want to see you happy and carefree, and that can't happen for you if you are always stressed out about seeing MM.
I guess I would ask Why do you feel this way when you all can't get together?
Hmmm Loony... I feel your frustration in having plans fall through. However, I worry that you're putting undo stress on yourself for it. These things happen and both you and MM will HAVE to get used to it if you're going to have a chance in making this relationship work. You've moved to the point of feeling comfortable having MM over when the kids are in bed, but we both know that kids can and WILL stay up later when they sense you REALLY want them asleep! LOL!
As for the money situation, I understand how tight things are for you and what relief having some extra cash around will bring. I know you've planned a lot with the money and the sitter comment was just an aside, however I caution you about your thoughts of "great, sitter money" when just the other day you were posting that you had to borrow money from your mom to fix your car. While the courts may order the money, there's no guarantee it will come in lump sum payments or continually as ordered.
I wonder how often your younger three see their fathers- is there any set schedule for them? How often do you get to see the oldest two? What is your schedule like with work- what days do you get off? And how often are you getting out to see your friends and MM?
I wonder how often your younger three see their fathers- is there any set schedule for them? How often do you get to see the oldest two? What is your schedule like with work- what days do you get off? And how often are you getting out to see your friends and MM?
good questions... the youngest three, for the past 6 months NEVER see their father. One is in jail (gets out in March) and the other just keeps saying he doesn't have time or doesn't return my calls.
I see the oldest two every other weekend.. sometimes different arrangements are made (like band camp or something)... or more time during three day weekends. (keep in mind they live 2 hrs away so unfortunately i don't get to see them during the week).
Work... since this is the new year i dont' plan on taking a day off for a while... and the next holiday is Memorial Day. So I'm basically working M-F, nights.
My friends.. right now i see them about once every two weeks during dinner break. (they get together for happy hour and it's right near work so i meet up with them for about an hour)... And then the very occasional meetup... about once a month or once every two months. I stay connected to them on FB, too.
MM... so far it's been every other weekend (the opposite of the teens' schedule). we usually plan an 8 hr date of some sort... either all day or an over-nighter. We'll also do dinner during my break about once a week (but if we've met with the group that week, then that counts). I'll also try to get an extra couple hours
It IS a lot to have on your plate.
I asked about the schedules cause my son rarely sees his dad. For about 5 yrs he saw him only in the summer when ds was at his father's parents house, never saw him alone. He saw him for the Christmas break this year and wants to have him for the Spring break, and likely for a week in the summer before he goes to his grandparent's place again.
Other than that, I have him full time. My mom likes to have him over, but that's between her and ds to plan- since I learned long ago never to "ask" my mother to babysit or she'd pull the "things I do for you..." routine.
I know its stressful having the kids full time. I have Ave full time, but Im in a bit of a different situation where is only one kiddo, & once & a while, i get a great nite off (maybe 1x a month) when she has a sleepover at a freinds. Whats so funny is one of her REALLY good freinds, Stella, sleeps here a lot. We moms share our kids ALL the time. Like sometimes I keep Stella from Fri - Sun. Ave will go there from like 10am - 7 or 8 pm, but WONT sleep there, ERRRR! My life woudl be SO SO easy if she would b/c Stellas Mom is ALWAYS like "I will take her anytime. Save you $ on overnite sitters, etc etc".
Loony-
Great advice you've already recieved. On another note-I just wanted to throw in a compliment on your email to MM.
I was in the same boat as you before BG and I moved in together and married.
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