It wasn't a mistake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
It wasn't a mistake
3
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 12:02am

He called tonight and we talked for about an hour. We're both reading the same book right now. He asked if I wanted to have lunch sometime this week (he works near me). I told him I had to check my schedule and would email him.

Since the kids and I are away next weekend there is no chance of getting together then. He said he was hoping that he wouldn't have to go two weeks without getting to look into my eyes (melting over here).

So no booty call concerns - he seems really interested in having a relationship.

He said at one point he had a realy nice time this weekend and I said I did too.

As far as dwelling on my former husband's behavior this weekend. I'm just going to let it go. With or without new guy, I love the life I am making for myself and having a great time. This potential relationship is just the cherry on top. I won't allow anyone to take that away from me.

Thanks to everyone who responded. It is amazing how much difference a day (oh and a therapy session with some homework) can do!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 10:06am

Hey Darlin! I'm so sorry I was unable to respond to you last night. However, it looks like it's going well.

This is what I wanted to write you though:

What you went through, very much sounds like what I went through. One second you thought you were all incredibly happy and the next thing you know, you are being told it was all a lie and he was really unhappy. You don't know WHAT to believe or who to believe anymore. It's a major shock to the system and of course you are going to have doubts about the next person that enters your life. Scared that he might end up telling you that he never meant what he said about being happy.

You found someone you really like, who is great to you, so in the back of your mind, you are still wondering when the plug will pull and he's going to say: "psych". That is why you are relieved today that it wasn't a booty call. Right?

I know exactly where you are at and you know what? I'm glad you go through therapy and you are working through it. I've been dealing with my fears for 7 years, no counseling (which I would desperately need to heal a few things, but no time for it) and a fear of all relationships; the good, the bad, the ugly. However, I keep trudging along and reflecting more and more. Trying to figure out what I can do to get over my hurt and fears. To heal, not wound myself more. Very hard to do, but before I turn bitter and old, I will fight the fight. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 1:37pm

Therapy is a good thing; I find it so helpful to talk with someone in my life who has no stake in me other than helping me figure out what is best for me.

You are so right. I am afraid he'll say "psych". I have always felt strongly about giving people a clean slate and not bringing baggage from past relationships. I thought I was doing a good job of this, until he fell asleep and I didn't. Since we only slept together and didn't "Sleep Together" (slumber, not sex), I rationlized in the moment that it wasn't a big step but afterward it felt like one. I felt even better after he called because I remembered why I asked him to stay in the first place - I really like him and enjoy his company.

I don't remember it being this complicated in my 20s.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 4:30pm

"As far as dwelling on my former husband's behavior this weekend. I'm just going to let it go. With or without new guy, I love the life I am making for myself and having a great time. This potential relationship is just the cherry on top. I won't allow anyone to take that away from me."

GOOD stuff - you are certainly headed in the right direction on this one. You must have gotten an A+ on your therapy homework. I am so glad you are taking such good care of yourself!