It's been a while, but....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
It's been a while, but....
17
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 8:49pm

I am in love....

Here's a shortened form of the story...

I got back in touch with an old friend from school. We have known one another 22 years...we were 12 when we met. I had been writing back and forth with him and talking on the phone, he's from my hometown and never moved. I was still happily or sort of happily married when we got back in touch, but we only spoke as friends. Anyway, we continued to talk after I split with Shane and he asked me if I ever come home. I told him yes that lately I had been quite a bit and he invited me to come hang out over a couple of beers and some food and just laugh about old times. Not a date, just two old friends...anyway, I drove home because my best friend would be in and he texted me at dinner to see what we were up to. I told him we were eating at Chili's and he said he went there a lot and wished he had taken the weekend off because he wanted to see me. I teased that we'd just bother him at work and he said to PLEASE come out and see him. So we did. He looked amazing!!! I immediately grabbed him and hugged him tight...he hugged back. We talked for like an hour outside and I couldn't tell you what we talked about because I was too busy looking at those beautiful brown eyes and those lips. Of course him walking away was an experience too....he's a cowboy and has a Wrangler butt!

Okay, just lost composure...

Anyway, I told him I'd be back in 3 weeks and we made plans to meet up then and go out. He texted me ALL NIGHT that night and and forth telling me how great it was to see me, how beautiful I am, and how amazing of a woman I am. We talked everyday and when it finally came to the day I was to see him, he took me to Chili's where we had dinner and some beers, talked nonstop, and laughed like never before. Some of his friends were there and we talked to them too and then he took me to his favorite hangout to hear a band he liked. BY then we were sitting close and even touching fingers some. After, we went back to his place and cuddled on his couch and next thing I knew, he tilted my head up and kissed me. Girls, that was the best kiss I have ever had and I felt something with him that I never felt in my life. That was 3 months ago today.

Since then, I have moved back home, not for him, but for my kids. I have gotten a great job, my own apartment and my new man and I are steadily seeing each other. And yes, we have said it...I love you. I met his family, the whole clan 3 weeks ago and he will meet mine in a couple more weeks. He's just the sweetest things, very truthful, never hides a thing from me. I trust him completely, which is strange for me. It feels so good to know that I can open up to him, be myself with him, not have to pretend a thing. And waking up in his arms...well, it's perfect.

Just wanted to tell you. I feel on top of the world!

Mel













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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 7:16pm
It's an everyday battle but we manage. He is seeing Emi some. Not as often as I think he should being an hour away and all, but we shall see....












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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 6:03am

I do think it is good that you are living closer to family and have a great paying job. I hope that you can get the divorce over and final with Shane. Would it help if you filed/paid?

I also do think that a connection with someone you went to school with is good. We all pray this is the one. We would just not all pick the timing. Promise you will focus on putting all the affairs in order - of getting the divorce done, getting settled, seeing your family a lot and letting the kids interact with them, doing good with your job - and then things can fall into place. Does your family help a lot with the kids?

And what do you mean "cowboy" - is he stable with his job?

Keep us posted!

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Registered: 04-21-2003
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 1:53pm
The connection is really good. He, like I said, has known me practically all our lives and it's very comfortable. I don't know if he's "the one" yet and honestly don't want to know. I'm too busy trying to get my life together, but we do spend as much time together as we can and otherwise, we focus on what we need to be doing. I spend a lot of time with family and friends and my kids. I work hard and want that and my family to be #1. I am also taking excellent care of ME! Which I need to. I have seriously changed. I no longer am the emotional wreck I used to be. I don't worry so much. I just go day to day and do what I need to do and don't let the drama get in the way. I am not paying for this divorce. He is paying this month. He finally went back to work. By the beginning of the year, it will be final. I just want closure, you know? I want it over. I am not out to move in with Brian, or marry him, for God's sake, I just want the marriage over so I can get past it. I've moved on and I am very happy. To answer your question about Brian's job, yes he is very stable in it. He's been with the same company for 11 years and he's a supervisor. He is praised all the time for his work and he works very hard. Not only does he work there, but he owns a farm and livestock, he works there a lot and he hunts and cares for his family and is very active in several things in the community. Yet he always seems to make time for me. So as for "cowboy" well, his lifestyle with the farm and the way he dresses, his musical preference, etc. well it all adds up to cowboy. Just a beautiful person inside and out. His friends all love me and are excited that he's settled down some and isn't out dating all these random girls. Many of his male friends said he's so lucky to have me now and that I'm good for him. I feel like I'm the lucky one though. He did say I am the one and he wants it to last forever and he is definitely out to marry one day, but he also understands that my life is not ready for that yet and he is willing to give me as much time as I need to be in that place. He met Emily about a month after we began dating, but she's just a baby still so it had no effect on her. Dylan just met him about two weeks ago for about 15 minutes at a softball game. Normally he is not around the children much because it's just a little too intense for me to have all of that right now. I'm proud to say that I am not allowing some guy to run my life now. No more changing for a dude!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 4:35pm

Excellent, Mel!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 10:44pm

Thank you! I feel so free now and I know I can do what I want when I want without having to answer to somebody else. Brian has a son who lives in Idaho and he really adores that boy. We talk about him often. If Conner calls him, he calls me right away and tells me all about it. The light in Brian's eyes when he hears from Conner is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I think the best thing is that I have just thrown out the drama and have gained trust in a relationship. He is single without a child living with him and that means lots of freedom. He can go out anytime he wants and he does go out, but mostly just to his guy friend's houses to watch football or work on race cars and stuff. They are all good guys and all they are doing is laughing and drinking beer so no harm done. When he goes anywhere else, all the people there are asking, "Where's your woman? Where's Mel?" He just tells them I am a good mommy and have my kids at home. My job is important and I stay home on weeknights and I keep my kids home on some weekends too. Really I rarely ask anyone to keep the kids unless there is a big deal I am going to. I have really placed the most important things first...

Shane told me the other day I didn't deserve the kids and I was never good enough for him and definitely not good enough for the SOB I am dating and Brian would see it soon enough. I stood there and showed no emotion as he spewed that crap, girls....I didn't cry, never flinched. Let him say what he believed to be true and left him standing there like a fool. My kids were in the car and I just shut the doors so they couldn't hear him. I was so shocked he'd say that. And it did hurt, I won't lie, but he is stupid and has no idea what I have gone thru because of him. I know now that I was just devastated because I was ending another marriage. It had nothing to do with him....I was not in love anymore, just wanted to believe I was so I didn't have to divorce. Now, it's so easy to say, whatever, it's over, because I am happy in life....with or without Brian, I am just me. I'm glad I have the support of a good man, but he knows that I am Mel and will be just that if he left tomorrow.













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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 11:04pm

Grrr- Shane is a jerk!


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Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 1:51pm
I'll tell ya...it was so hard not to break down because those words cut me like a knife. But he can't get to me. He has so much anger built up and he always wants to blame me for any arguments we enter. I am so clam and never call names, never yell, I just hang up the phone when he pisses me off. I told him that is my way of walking away from his crap. He knows he full of it and that I am just not going to be a party to his misery. He hates that I have moved on...he's jealous...maybe not because he still wants me...honestly if he did, he wouldn't be so cruel, but because he wasn't first in getting there. He mentioned once, "WOW, you are dating before ME!!!" As if that was so freaking wrong. I did later address what he said to me. I just told him that was uncalled for and that he never should say that to me because he knows I love my kids and that I am not who I was when I was with him so he has no clue how my relationship works now and it was not his business. He asked me the other day if B is at my house a lot. I told him also that it was not his business. He said he needed to meet B if he was going to be at my house around the kids...well, he will when I am ready. I understand his concern and I told him that, but I also told him that B isn't around them much that they go to bed early and he comes over to hang out more often AFTER they are asleep...he is afraid still of confusing them. I love that about him. He genuinely cares about my kids and how this relationship affects them. In any case, this is a day by day thing and Shane needs to realize I am not out to marry or move in anytime soon....not with anyone. Yes, I would love to be married one day and have one that lasts, but until then, I need to focus on my healing. My divorce will be final at the beginning of the year and I know that day will hit me. I will have some issues that day and I know B will be there for me. Everything will be fine and Shane will learn his lesson. He knows' he's wrong.












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