It's not a question,
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| Sun, 02-18-2007 - 2:20pm |
but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life... for what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
I had a date last night. I haven't posted much at all about this guy, since he's one of many from OLD, and honestly, I didn't think it would ever become anything. I'll call him Spec.
So, he's 30, never married, no children, lives about an hour from me. He owns his home, has a good job, likes animals and children. We've been emailing and IMing for about two weeks, and talking on the phone for about a week and a half.
Our phone conversations are always pretty basic, fairly short, and friendly. The IMs are pretty much more of the same. We established that we both want to be in commmitted relationships, enjoy some of the same hobbies and each have said independently that we'd like to take up other hobbies- for instance, I ski, and he said he'd like to try- before he knew I did. He golfs, and it's something I'm planning to take up casually this year. He bowls on a league, and I enjoy bowling (although I'm terrible at it)... little things like that.
So, last night, we agreed to meet for dinner about halfway between us, in a completely unfamiliar city to me. He offered to come closer, or give me directions, but I wasn't too worried about it, Mapquested the directions, and headed out.
While prepping for the date, I remember thinking I should just wear something comfortable, since it didn't really matter what he thought about me, and instead of being nervous about ME likking him, I was more concerned with how to get out of it if I didn't like HIM.
On the way, I called my girlfriend, told her to standby in case it was awful, and made her give me a pep talk about keeping an open mind and having fun. I'm so glad I did.
Okay, so I got lost on the way, he called, and ended up having his brother in law, who is much more familiar with the area, call me and give me directions. I got there, we had a wonderufl dinner (country fried chicken, baked potato and salad for me, sirloin tips, rice and mashed potatoes for him). We talked, laughed, discussed our Reader's Digest Condensed Version Life Stories, and were getting along swimmingly.
Things I really liked about him initially- his pic was up to date, but he looked better in person, he was taller than me in my tall shoes (always a concern when you're 5'9" barefoot), he smelled great, complimented my appearance, and smiled immediately.
So, while planning the date, we had agreed that if things went well, we'd go to a local bar that I actually wanted to preview for my upcoming birthday bash. However, the band there didn't start until 9, so he had mentioned meeting his sister and her husband for a couple of games of bowling before going to the bar. I had agreed at that point, because I simply did not think dinner would go that well.
Let me take a moment to interject that our conversations were always fine, the emails and IMs were always fine... I guess I thought he was too young for me, and that coupled with the lack of children, I just assumed would make for two VERY different lifestyles. But, hey, I gotta eat, so I was willing to meet him for dinner and see "what if"... just not with a very open mind, I guess.
So, we had a great time at dinner, and ended up meeting up with his sister and brother-in-law for bowling. And the brother-in-law's sister. And her husband. And three of his cousins, two of the brother in law's cousins, and two of Spec's cousins. If I got that right. Anyhow, nothing like trial by fire, and it was obvious that with all of the cousins and brothers and sisters and what have you, that he was not only close to his family, but also to his so-far-removed-they-aren't-even-family family.
What a great, welcoming, open bunch they were! I was basically the only person there who doesn't bowl on a league... the average score was something like 250. Mine might have been 50. But I think the fact that I was able to have a good time, make jokes about using the bumpers, and make conversation with nearly everyone was a good thing in Spec's eyes, and in the family's. As we were leaving, the brother in law invited us back to their house for a small party- about half the people who had been bowling were going.
I joked as we walked out to his truck (Oh, how I love men with trucks!) that I must have passed the first test, if I got an invite so quickly. Spec laughed, and said "You more than passed. I think my sister's planning the wedding- she really likes you." Very jokingly, not at all alarming. We get in his truck, and while we're waiting for it to warm up, we discuss the pros and cons of either going to the bar, as per our original plan, or going to the party. The party seemed like more fun for me, and it was actually closer to my house, and I knew it wouldn't be loud, so we'd be able to talk, so that's what we agreed on.
As he was getting ready to leave the parking lot, he turns to me and says, "I have been dying to ask you- do you kiss on the first date?" You all know how I am about my own rules, so I said, "well, I guess that depends on how the date is going." Meanwhile, we're both inching closer to one another, and Spec says "and how do you think the date is going?" still getting closer and closer to one another, I say "well. very, very well." So, we don't kiss. Kidding, we do, and it's amazing.
I guess I didn't realize that I'd been kissing bad kissers until he kissed me, since it was the single best kiss I've ever had. Without a doubt.
So, I follow him to his sister's house, he waits for me to park my car, opens my door, very very sweet, we're ushered in, and they have the most adorable dog I have ever seen in my life. He's an Akita, and when I walked in, he jumped up on me, to say hello. I love dogs, I have an affinity for bigger dogs, and I simply fell in love. He was such a sweetheart- of course everyone is telling him to get down, apologizing and promising me he won't bite and just wants to say hello, but I'm so busy loving him that all I can do laugh and pet and hug and welcome the slobbery doggy kisses. Maybe the second best kiss in my life, haha.
So, we hang out, I end up talking to Spec's sister some more while the guys play a couple of games, Spec is very courteous and sweet and just obviously trying to make sure I'm having a good time, which of course I was. After a while, the party sort of scatters, some people are upstairs, some in the basement rec room, and Spec and I are sort of left alone. This brings on much more kissing, talking about what we want from life and each other (potentially) and whathaveyou.
At one point, the decision is made that everyone's staying, since we've all been drinking, and Spec and I joke about who gets the guest room. There are about 4 couches in the house, and two guest rooms, so it isn't like there wasn't plenty of places for everyone to crash, so it was funny and cute, and non-threatening.
Then we kiss some more, and then there's heavy petting involved (a term my girlfriend hates, but there it is), and then more conversation. He asked me what I thought when I first saw him, and I tell him that I thought he had a great smile. He tells me his first thoughts were that I was cute. At one point, when we were driving back to my car to go to the party, he had said "I'd really like for there to be a second date. And a third, and ten more, and thirty more. I'm not really good at playing this game, so I'm just going to tell you that I like you, and I want to know more. I'm very interested in you, and when I'm getting to know someone I simply don't want to get to know anyone else."
So, at his sister's house, he says "I am not asking for any promises, but I really like you, and I really want to see where this will go. I simply am having an amazing time with you, and would like to do this a lot more."
.... we end up sharing one of the guest rooms, but I'm very proud of myself to report that there was snuggling, kissing, and NO SEX!!! He was super cool about not pushing- amazingly, and thinkfully, since it wouldn't have taken much for my resolution to NOT have sex with him to crumble, but made it obvious that he was into me physically. So, we talked a LOT, about my concerns that he had no children, and probably led a different lifestyle than mine. He claims he loves kids (although I did make it clear that mine weren't rent-a-kids, and wouldn't be meeting him until I was comfortable with it), and his lifestyle doesn't actually seem to be much different than mine, so we agreed to see where it goes. Again, he basically said without saying it that he only dated one woman at a time, but wasn't asking for the same thing from me.
This morning when I got up to leave, I tried to not wake him, since it was early and we'd been up talking (just talking and kissing- I swear!) until the wee hours of the morning. He woke up though, joked that I was walking out of his life (it was cute and funny, but I can't remember exactly what he said), I replied that he had my number, we kissed a little, he said he'd call, and I left.
Letting myself out of the house, I distinctly remember think a few different things. It wasn't at all walk-of-shame-ish, his family (who are also his friends) was wonderful, he had been great, the date had gone well, and please, Lord, let him be the guy who does what he says he will.
Now, I know the cynics here (and the one in my head) are saying...eh. maybe. I've certainly been down this road before, where I thought there was a great connnection, had a great time, and then nothing. I'd love to be able to simply believe that he's different, but I won't know that until he proves to me that he is. In fact at one point when he was saying something about the next thirty dates, I said... "it sounds wonderful. let's get to the second date and see if we still feel that way." His reply was "I know I'll have to SHOW you to prove it to you, but I feel like verbal communication is important, too, and I don't know if I could NOT tell you right now." The cynic hasn't left yet though, and that's either a wonderfully sweet thought process or a corny cheesy line. Right now I know that I had a great time with him, with his family, and if that's all there is, well, it wasn't a waste of time.
Obviously somewhere I have been infused with logical thinking, since instead of jumping for joy and planning my future with Spec, I'm planning on never hearing from him again- yet still happy that I had a great time last night. If he calls, it will be a wonderful surprise, but given my very recent history, he's probably never going to be heard from again.
The hopeless romantic in me is telling me to stop thinking so negatively, that all men aren't cut out of the same cloth, and that the fact that he was so open about his family, who are obviously VERY important to him is a good sign. In fact, I guess I am only one of a select few to have EVER met his family. His last relationship ended in October, and they had some other issues, but the big thing for him was that she was completely unwilling to spend any time with his family. The romantic in me is also telling me that there was a definite connection- beyond just the obvious physical one... but the cynic says "oh, yeah, just like the connection with Boss, with Double D, with all of the other guys for the past year, right?" It's like watching a tennis match in my head right now.
So, anyhow, I know I'll get opinions, and I want them! I also know that I've been through men on a relatively regular basis lately. I'm not putting all of my eggs into his basket just yet, but I'm trying very hard not to be too cynical, as well. I'm expecting that last night was probably just a great date, but hopeful that it was the start of something more.
A couple of other things, then I'll stop this saga- I learned from this to be open minded. He isn't at all my normal physical type. Not that I really stick to that, but I'm typically drawn to the guys who are dark, tall, a little weathered, and sort of have an edge... good ole boys who have aged and look it. He's still about 5 years older than me, but I often am most attracted to men who are 20 years older than I am. He's also fair, has a very well groomed goatee, and thin- not so thin that I want to shove a sandwich down his throat, but more in shape than my usual type. If nothing comes of this, I'll be glad I forced myself to think openly about him, since I ended up having a wonderful time with interesting people.
Moody, who is a candidate for carpal tunnel syndrome after this post!

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FIRST .... WHOO HOO! Someone who has a post in length to rival one of MINE!
Im afraid to read on!!!!!!! Im posting as i read! lol
& i am CRACKING up at the Fivesense and West thing ... it took me- to be honest- a few weeks to get USED to those girls!
Uh Oh .... no post ..... Hmmm. Who wants to take a BET?
Hi Moody,
It is so fabulous that your recent experience has not made you bitter and twisted. Cynical people are not attractive, and while you will need some more convincing, SOMEONE will be the right one to convince you. And even if it doesn't turn out to be Spec, it's great that you're still open to the possibility, with your eyes wide open. That is a great state of mind to be in. Just enough self-protection to prevent you from getting too hurt, and little enough so as you don't become embittered.
For the record, I think Spec sounds great, and I am glad that you have remained open enough to be prepared to get to know him some more. He gets full marks so far.
Enjoy - look forward to your next post!
Clem xx
I'm with you on this one, R.
Moooooooooody - where are you??? You promised to write after Spec left last night. Do we presume Spec didn't actually leave??? :o))
Clem xx
What an awesome thread... I'm hanging on the edge of my seat wanting to know whats going to happen next....
Something also tells me that it didn't stay "clean"... glad you had fun, Moody.
Rebecca...you crack me up! And I agree... I was rolling with Moody's suspensful story telling.
He sounds like a great guy and that he called so soon. AWESOME. Also, glad that you are not thinking too far ahead. Just enjoy the moment!!!!
LB
I certainly didn't mean it in anything other than in the best possible way.
I love fivesense and west's advice, and Lord knows I need a calmer, more rational point of view sometimes!
Anyhow, I meant no offense to anyone, I trule value the opinions I get!!
Moody, hoping no one was hurt or offended
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HEY - there you are. We have all been waiting all day for the story!!
Maybe you are typing it now in one of your famous song formats? We love those too!!
OH.... MY.... GAWD....
I am laughing SO hard at your posts, R, that I can barely think to type! I'll post my own in a second, but- YOU GO, GIRL!!!
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