It's Over
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It's Over
| Fri, 09-01-2006 - 10:48am |
Well, I am sorry to say that after being together 5 months we ended things this morning. The last 2 months I barely saw him because he was working all the time. He had become distant emotionally. At first I just chalked it up to exhaustion and problems at work/stress.
Unfortunately, I think he put me up on this huge pedastal when we met. He also is NOT ready to date anybody. He is so messed up from his ex-wife, who really did him dirty. He has also decided that he can't date anybody with kids because he doesn't want to raise anymore. (wish he had figured that out before we started dating!!)
I'm doing OK. It is kind of a relief, but it sucks because I DO love him.
Stephanie

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How long ago was his divorce? I know you probably told 'his story' back when you first introduced him to the board- but I don't remember how long he'd been single-again when you guys started dating.
I'm thinking that if someone you're dating is still talking alot about the ex and all the stuff that goes with it, then he/she isn't ready to move on yet. At least not until the dust has had a chance to settle. But if he didn't start out talking about his ex, but only started doing that in the last couple of months, then how are we supposed to use THAT as a caution sign?!? Sheesh... this dating stuff just isn't easy or clear-cut, is it?
Hiker hardly says anything about his ex or complains or vents or anything... so either he is totally over it and it doesn't bug him enough to even be worth mentioning, or he just has everything stuffed in. Thankfully I think it's "over it all" because it's been over 6 yrs since they were divorced. I hope it's not "stuffed in" and that I'm still going to face his breakdown/relationship blow-up in the future! I hope not! He says he is over it all... but like I said before- I just never know if men do the self-examination that I know many women do.
Hang in there, Steph... just keep keeping yourself busy with good friends.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
He has been divorced for a year and a half. They were separated a year before that. He did let me know why they divorced and that he had started over with almost nothing. I did that 4 years ago and I know how it feels. He really didn't start talking alot about her until the last couple of months. Bills would come in (like a dental bill) that she had run up and he was not aware of the balance. So, that didn't help matters. However, he should have been on top of his finances by looking at statements etc.
No, this dating thing is NOT easy by a long shot. If Hiker has been divorced for 6 years, it is a pretty good bet that he has worked through things. Especially if he doesn't sit around and whine and/or vent about his ex. I think you two are fine!
It was actually sort of a relief because he had gotten so negative about everything in life. (job, house, finances, co-workers, boss, neighbors etc) I didn't realize how much it was dragging me down. I do love him, but he has to work through his issues before he is ready for a relationship with anybody.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am hanging in there! Don't let my experience scare you too much.
Stephanie
Hi Stephanie - I am sorry it didn't work out but glad you are free to move on to something (or someone) better.
It has given me time to look back a little more clearly at some things too. I didn't realize how much his negativity was pulling me down. I tried very hard to be supportive and I now realize that you can't fix things for someone, especially if they are unwilling to work on it themselves.
Each day is gets a little easier and I am not gonna let this get me down permanently!
Stephanie
The next time, if it happens again- you'll be able to recognize that negative energy right away- and won't be as involved before catching it.
AND... on the other hand- when you do find the right partner, you'll be amazed at how much more energized the relationship can make you feel! You do sound very grounded, Steph- and in hearing your strength (and rationality) in your posts, I know you're doing fine.
Still, hugs for everything, but Way-to-Go on being so sure of yourself- hang onto that and it'll never let you down!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Stephanie
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