I've Got Friends In Low Places...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
I've Got Friends In Low Places...
9
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:48am

Where the Whiskey Drowns and The Beer Chases the Blues Away....

So, our second date. The band was playing in what can only be described as a LOW Place. It was a honky tonk. It was fun. I had a great time. P definitely got to see the real me, since my girlfriends were making sure I was acting like myself! (Not to say I haven't been acting like myself with him, I certainly have, but me combined with my friends can be an amusing whirlwind)

Prior to meeting up with my friends, P and I met.. we were going to eat dinner. He had something planned, but I had no idea what. So he had picked up dinner, and he took me to a local beach, where we sat and ate by the water. It was very nice, we talked and laughed.

Here's the thing. I'm having fun with him, and I COULD see this going somewhere, he's definitely a great guy, very nice, stable, mature, blah blah blah. He makes me laugh, he compliments me perfectly, he's funny, flirty without going overboard, all the things a MAN (as opposed to a GUY) is supposed to be. BUT... I get the feeling he's into me more than I am into him.

What is wrong with me? He's a perfect match for me on paper! The chemistry is... I guess a little off. I am not not attracted to him, but there aren't any fireworks. We kissed at the end of the night, a very brief, very NICE kiss. Nothing to write home about, you know? I don't want to write him off, I want to continue to see him, but I know he's ready to see me exclusively.

I wouldn't even necessarily be opposed to that, except that I get the feeling something's missing. Can it be found with him, do you think? Can chemistry, if that's what's really missing, come after a few more dates? Or if it's not there from the beginning, is all hope lost?

I know I shouldn't settle, I KNOW that. But would I be settling? I'm confused. I do really like him. Mentally. Maybe even emotionally, given time. But what about physically, or chemistry-wise? How important is that?

Opinions, please!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 11:07am

Moodygreeneyes,

When I first met my boyfriend I kind of felt the same way. To me, I guess it really depends on what you want. My bf is one of those NICE guys, and I really didn't feel any chemestry at first. As I got to know him I realized that he's a really shy guy (I would never have guessed that he was shy when I first met him) and after I gave him time to open up to me, and not feel so guarded around me, the chemestry was totally there. I am a shy person myself, so I know what it's like, and the insecurities that lead to, guarding yourself from others. I think that you have only seen him a few times, give him a chance, learn more about him, and just have fun. I think we women sometimes get too wrapped up in finding "The One" with all of the passion and chemestry and fantasy of romance novels that we forget to just enjoy ourselves and those around us for the genuine people we really are.

Good luck, and don't forget to have some fun!

Kira

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 12:07pm

Tina,


I think the problem here may be that you started dating this guy while at the same time still hoping something with R would materialize, and that has your guard up.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 3:21pm

Sometimes it takes a little bit of time and a few fun activities and conversations for the chemistry to flow - so in my opinion it is a little too soon to tell. Just go slow and see what happens.

Keep us posted - sounds like you are doing really well! Slow is always the best way!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 4:26pm

So, thanks, everyone, you ladies really are great! I have decided that, given my own ambivalent feelings, and all of the advice I've recieved, I owe it to myself to find out where this might go.

P is a GREAT guy. I think part of my whole hesitation might be that I didn't fully expect to meet such a great guy, and definitely not without dating a few more losers!

So, I'm still definitely going to take it slowly, and I will not be dating him exclusively until I'm less ambivalent about him and more sure of what I want, but since he's fun and we make each other laugh, why shouldn't I continue to see him?

Thanks again, everyone!


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Registered: 08-20-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:24pm

"I would just add that the next few dates, keep it in public so there's less chance that he'll try to get more intimate with you before you decide if he's a connection you WANT to make physically, you know? If you agree to meet him alone at his place or your place, he COULD possibly take that as a green light for more."

I was going to say the SAME exact thing.

I haven't read all the posts yet, but here's a little story. My best friend had this same problem. Great guy. We all loved him, he was perfect for her, but she didn't feel any magic at all. She dated him a few months and then freaked and told him she wanted to take a break and it was all moving too fast for her.

They met at work, so although he was in IT and she was in marketing, they crossed paths a lot, too.

They were apart about 2 more weeks. She at first felt nothing but relief. She had been single for a while and was not sure what she wanted and it scared her. She also said that she had no chemistry with him.

Then one night she called him. I don't know why or what happened, but they talked and she told him that she wanted to give it another try. He was really paitent with her. They clicked right into place after that. That was over two years ago and they are getting married April of next year. She has no doubts about him at all now, and is so grateful that she took her time to realize that he was what she wanted, she just needed time to realize it.

I know what you mean about the "no chemistry" thing. I call it sparklies and usually I "just know" when I meet a guy whether I am attracted to him or not...but it's not always the case with everyone. I say just wait and see what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised. :)

hugs,
--snow

p.s. Alison, I am SO cracking up at Nicolas's hair!! OMG how cute!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 11:47pm
LOL- thanks Snow! I just love it too!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 12:55pm
Alison...I couldn't have said it better myslef...ITA!






iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:42am
Janet, I just love that new pic!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 3:11pm

I remember the first time I met bf. I didn't think much of him. We became friends and I got to know him a little bit better. When I seperated from my xh, a friend suggested we go out. I was like "no, he and I do not click that way" We hung out until he got up the courage to ask me out. I will never forget that first kiss. I melted. I could feel my clothes falling off my body. (they didn't but they could have)

I never saw myself with him in this respect but you know what, he rocks my world and the chemistry is amazing.

My advice, give it a couple more dates. If after that you do not feel it, then move on. Having those feelings is important and you can't force it. They either evolve or they don't. I do believe they can evolve. I would have never thought KP and I would have what we have.