I've impressed myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
I've impressed myself
19
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 6:59pm

I'm actually really proud of myself today... i've manage to keep a steady mood this month without freaking out. Yay, me!! I don't feel out of control with MM or overly fearful. I don't feel my mind racing and i'm not overanalyzing. I'm "going with the flow" but not in a bad way. In a way, i think, that allows me to enjoy the moment. I am aware of how i'm feeling, moving slowly without too much expectation or over excitement. Not getting ahead etc. Wow, i'm impressed with myself.


The coming week looks good. MM and I have at least three dates planned over the next 10 days (and probably more little rendevues )... A date tomorrow night, Monday night "Heroes", and a whole evening on Friday night. As nature would have it, i started my period so that will keep things from getting physical... at least for the next week. Maybe that is just the right amount of time to sort things out. I have a feeling that with all this time that we have planned to spend together, the "clear the air" talk will come up naturally.


Again, what do I want? I'm still unsure... i've never wanted a serious relationship in the past... i just didn't feel i was ready emotionally or otherwise. Could things be changing?.. maybe. I kinda like things the way they are with MM... steady contact, reassurance, a connection on multiple levels etc. I genuinely feel like his friend and i don't think that will change as we get closer.. I think the friendship helped to lay down a foundation of trust (which is huge for me). Bottom line, though, is i'm growing. yay.


Loonybunny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 8:39pm
You crack me up Amanda!! This is one of those songs dd and I crank up, roll the windows down and sing at the top of our lungs. :o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 8:55pm

funny song, Amanda!!


He didn't say he didn't want to commit... Let's recap: we've only known each other for a couple months (since September)... we dated for two weeks in Oct (with only a few good night kisses not makeout sessions)... then he "pulled back"...


So for the latter part of October, we went back into the friend zone. Not a problem to me as we connect intellectually and have so much in common to talk \ ideate about.

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Registered: 11-20-2007
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 9:22pm
Good Luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 9:43pm

Yes Savannah! It would be much fun if you can make it out... How about the flag football game coming up on Nov 16th. All of the really cool people have signed up.. I'd love for you to meet all of them.. the ones who go to karaoke nights are only half of them. This is a really great, fun, and wildly funny group.


for flag football... you'll see on the website .. we play for a couple hours, then spend the rest of the night around a bonfire.. roasting hotdogs and marshmallows.


By all means.... have a few conversations with MM and form your own opinion of him...


Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 10:10pm

In my experience (or lack thereof), when a guy gets very "talky", I mean discussing feelings, emotions, intimacy, wanting to get in your "head" early on, it is something to really think about carefully. I think most guys don't do that stuff right off the bat. Yeah, some guys are in touch with their feelings and emotions, but it seems to me that this guy, as wonderful as he may be, may be intense at the beginning and then may decide to freak out on you later. Now mind you, I don't WANT that to happen to you, but just have that on the backburner to save yourself from getting to emotionally involved too quickly.

We've all done that, and all been burned by it. I think it is OK to exercise a little caution. If he's a keeper, then it will keep going as is, even if you slow down a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 10:12pm
Oh Loony. I worry like Al does about this one. I havent said anything until now but instead of that email he wrote you being reassuring that things are A OK and on track, it actually makes me worry more. He sounds so in his own head like he is fighting his gut telling him he isnt ready for this but cant break away from you. You need that like you need a hole in your head, right? I just think deep down some guys KNOW they wont be able to commit to a single mom down the line and especially with the amount of kids that you have which is wonderful but could be perceived as daunting to some. Its like he knows he should make up his mind and just let you be but he doesnt have enough self control to do it. You know that saying that once a person shows you who they are you should believe him? I am fearful for you that he already did this by telling you he was worried about the single mom thing and wasnt sure he was ready.
I am with Al and I know I would not be doing anything physical without some sort of updated disclaimer from him that he has thought through the whole woman with kids thing and how it would work with him and his life. I mean unless the idea of something casual and a relationship that is sincere but always aside from the kids and never blended appeals to you. I did date like that for a while with no intention of blending or having something family oriented since I wasnt ready. But then when I was ready, I was much more discerning about who i lent my heart to. Nobody here wants you to get hurt! And just remember that as much as we would hope that he would control himself if he knew he couldnt follow through with you, most men are not made of steel and my sense of you is that you can be beyond alluring when you are turned on. YOU will need to turn it off. He might not be strong enough to make that decision for the both of you if thats what needs to happen.
Lilypie - Personal picture
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Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 11:41pm

"The physical is a big step though. i know this and i've been thinking about how emotional it will be for me. Mother nature has given us another week and perhaps it will be the time i need \ we need to sort things out. "

I wouldn't be having sex UNTIL you ARE exclusive. Period. Date him for six months and then have the exclusive talk, that's great! And until then, he can keep it in his pants. Like City said, I'm sure you are very hard to resist when YOU are turned on, so you'll have to keep the meetings in public so there's no temptation.

The longer you wait on this one, the more sure he will be about you, since he's still waffling about you. And I'm SURE that his connection and "draw" to you has a LOT to do with how physically attracted he is to you, and not just because you're a fun friend- you turn him on! But he should figure out if he's willing to put in the work long term or not before you let him into physical vulnerability or you're going to be a mess!

Al- looking out for my Loonygirl


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 3:28am
you make a lot of sense. i'll let you all know how tomorrow goes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 7:19am

You've impressed me too. I can learn from you too.


I am glad youre taking things in stride. I know its tough in a different relationship. They all go differently and need to be approached differently. I hope the clear the air talk comes up soon or you initiate it soon. It sure makes life easier when you know where you stand.


I know how you feel about the first physical time coming up during that time of the month. Happened to me too. I had to delay EMT a day or two. That was tough to do considering how much we both wanted it. But he was good and understood.


Have fun on those dates. Keep us posted.


Laurie

anonymous

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