Joint Psyc meeting was tonite, AAARGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Joint Psyc meeting was tonite, AAARGH!
16
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 6:51pm

I am WIPED. He is EXHAUSTING. I swear, I cannot fathom if he is just plain old crazy, if he is sociopathic & truly doesn’t believe anything he does/did &/or justifies it, or if he seriously has NO MEMORY or truly believes himself. Or the more likely scenario, he is just a liar. Thru & thru.


I will try to be brief. The doc began by saying to him "You look angry" & he said "Well, I am, very. She tool everything from me".


The gist of the meeting in X’s eyes apparently, was blaming me for leaving him "for no reason". For "taking his daughter away with no reason", for "taking his home & dogs away, with no reason". I replied with incidents that forced me to file for the restraining order to have him removed (3 yrs ago) - (jacking me 3 ft off the floor by my neck, against the wall - threatening to get the baby & dogs out & burn the house down with me in it - throwing a HUGE butcher knife on the counter near me during a fight & trying to make me pick it up "to get my fingerprints on it so he could call & tell them I tried to stab him" - & the last incident, of threatening (over the phone) that if I ever stepped foot back in the house, he would rip me to pieces, tear me to shreds, etc). He was APPALLED I would "make those things up". I swear, he is SO believable if you didn’t know him - he seemed SO flabbergasted that I would "lie like that" & "make things up like that". More than once he insisted I was sick & needed help. The doc asked him if he was drinking some of those times - AND pointed out maybe he DID do those things, but blacked them out. He caught X is SO many questionable issues. Eg: X admitted to blacking out, then said he remembered every single incident. X also blatantly lied that he never refused the visit last week when offered, & said that my email probably was so "mean" he didn’t read it. The doc confronted him & said "I have copies of it all, & she was completely appropriate, yet you refused AND told her to contact your atty." He said "Oh, well, I never read her emails anyway". Duh.


So, the doc guides him back to the issue at hand - Averey. Visitation. At 1st, he had X saying that he would commit to being a father, & would take her all my work nites (2-3 a week overnite). Which my stomach turned at ... but I knew it want anything written in stone. I think he was just feeling him out. So then as we got into heated discussion about "my lies" about all the things he has said & done to & in front of Averey, that he vehemently denies, the REASONS I stopped visitation - he started blatantly lying about things, such as, "My daughter does call me, but has to call from the closet b/c her mother forbids her to call". I tried to explain I never EVER have stopped her from calling, UNLESS he was out of control. He also said things about how he has found out "so many things about Rebecca since the divorce, she isn’t the person I thought she was". We talked a lot about how he wont call Averey, but yet blames her if she doesn’t call him. He said "She SHOULD be calling me, Im her father. & Im not calling that house, MY old house".


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 7:03pm
Unfreakingbelievable!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 7:19pm

OMG R.... my thoughts and feelings on your ex remains the same. He is self-centered (in the very literal sense of that term) and thinks everything should revolve around HIM. But yet everything he does- is NOT his fault or under his control... it's everyone else's fault. Crazy!


I know the doc has a very clear picture of how he is after that. And I can't see him recommending that you HAVE to let him see Averey, especially when he doesn't even care to point his anger to you, away from his own daughter. He sees the 2 of you as one. If he's angry at you, he won't think twice about taking it out on Ave. And THAT is completely dangerous, IMO.


Hugs to about all this. But I hope this will support all your documentation that you've kept for years. HE is the one who is off the deep end!!!


And... it hammers down the proof that you shouldn't bother emailing him anymore. He says he doesn't even read them anyway!


(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 7:39pm

Well, it sounds like your exh showed his true colors for being selfish, unrealistic and unstable. I am quite sure the doc will see through it all. And hopefully your exh will be required to attend classes or counseling before he gets unsupervised visitation. At the very least this provides validation for your refusal to just send her there when you don't think it to be safe for her and it documents his behavior.

I think that even though this session seems absolutely horrid in your eyes, it is a huge thing that he is there talking about his feelings - it is a start. At least he showed up and you have this doctor to witness everything. Maybe this is what he needs to get the wind out of his sails and start to heal?

You poor thing. I hope you can somehow not be too shaken up by this. I guess your nursing experience must help a lot? Or maybe not? HUGS!! Avery is lucky to have such a strong mommy. We will be curious to hear what the psych has to say!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:11pm

(((HUGS))))
Oh, Rebecca, he is the poster boy for narcissist personality disorder- sorry to say not much chance of improvement. Google it- I thought my X had it bad, yours is a basket case, and with the propensity for violence I'm surprised he hasn't already been labled sociopathic. And this illustrates perfectly that no matter how nutty they are, the system still tries to give them parental rights.

I'm with Shrimpy here, this guy can be a danger to Avery. You are doing your best to give her whatever kind of relationship with him that can be, while keeping her safe. As she gets older she will see that he is nuts and that it has nothing to do with her or you. Then she'll choose how much or how little of a relationship to have with him.

And yes, he believes his own lies, his fantasy reality is totally real to him. Lord, I know how draining a session like this is. Hopefully, you'll have time for a nice long bubble bath!

QueenBun

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:50pm

Wow Rebecca!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:57pm

Wow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:32pm

That is a hilarious cartoon. You and Alison have it right - he has so many disorders it is crazy.

I love Alison's expression - craziness disorder.

I think his mother dropped him on his head when he was little.

The thing that scares me is that his hatred of R is so big and so deep he is actually willing to hurt his own child/child's feelings because of his pain. And I wonder if this is something that is worsening over time? And combined with alcohol - that just couldn't be a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:53pm

Oh Rebecca, I'm so sorry that you had such an ugly session with X.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 2:42am

Thanks everyone. I was kind of suprised that it effected me so much. It really just drained me. UNfortunatly i had to work nite tonite ... had 2 hrs to sleep & was completely unable to stop ruminating over it all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 5:28am

Just had a thought.... would you want to ask the psychiatrist

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