just damn unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
just damn unsure
12
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 4:31pm
I am a 28yr old single mom.About 3 years ago i left my kids father.A little while later i started dating this man. He was wonderful everything i had been missing. Come to find out he is married. I was mad for a while but we still talked. Its been 2yrs and i havent left although i want to. i know im wrong but i do love him.What am i to do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: meandmy5
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 9:42pm

You must come to grips with the fact that he is married and he is not really available to you. His prior obligations come first. And besides, you really don't want a man who would first lie to you about his marital status and also cheat on his wife. Never to mention that you are being a home wrecker - that is just not fair.

Once you can come to grips with this in your head then you must tell him of your decision and then cease all contact. That way you will be able to heal from the hurt and the pain.

The thing is that you are now responsible for 2 people not just one. And it doesn't appear that you knew of this before you started dating but now that you know you must make the responsible decision.

One thing to remember is that usually when we give up a relationship with the wrong person for us, we open ourselves to the right person. I hope you can be strong enough to make the right decision. You deserve so much more!!

Stick around - welcome to our board - we know you will like it here and that you will learn a lot about dating from a bunch of moms!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: meandmy5
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 10:08pm

What do you mean, what are you to do?! You are to leave, of course!

Do you honestly expect anyone to give you a green light when it comes to dating a married man? There are plenty of single men available, and sure, you'll have to take your time to find one, and it won't be easy, but you will, eventually. Or maybe you won't.

The real issue here is YOU. Why are you so insecure that you'd rather be with an emotionally, financially, morally, and legally unavailable man than alone?

How wonderful can he possibly be if he's willing to cheat on his wife? If he's willing to do it to her, he'll be willing to do it to you, sweetie. What exactly is it that he does that's everything you're missing? When does he do these things? He's married- presumably, he lives with his wife, and doesn't even have all that much time to devote to you.

You deserve more. Once you believe that, you won't even have to ask what you should do. It won't matter if you have a guy at all, because you'd rather be alone forever than be with someone who's not capable of giving you what you deserve- namely honesty, trust, fidelity, and potentially his name.

Moody- who's offically stepping off her soapbox


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 9:56am
Thanks for responding.I am not insecure.We spend time together it is like he have his days for her and he has his days for me. i know his schedule and its crazy. i must say though i am tired i do feel bad and i am going to leave we actually talked about it last night.i cant continue to see him because he cant be there the way i need him to.in a couple of weeks my friends are all going on a couple weekend and i cant join because i have left all my other male friends alone for him and everybody knows he cant go.i appreciate your advice i needed someone to talk to about the situation. i am leaving i just hope it is as easy to do as it is to say.i will keep you informed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 9:57am

You know in your heart what you need to do. I've been in your shoes and remained there until the married man I was seeing dumped me. It was only much later that I realized if by some miricle he had left his wife for me, all I would have won is a man who was capable of cheating on someone he was suppose to love.

I normally post on the "Breaking up is Hard to Do" board --- not for the break up mentioned above. One of the woman on that board has just broken up with her married lover. This man was not only sleeping with her, but also his wife (who he supposidly hated) and one or two other women. Whatever he says about you being the only one, remember this is a man capable of lying (he lies to his wife everytime he's with you) and cheating.

Forget him and open yourself up to a really good relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 10:10am
thanks for responding.I really needed someone to talk to. I am leaving i just hope that this is as easy done as it is said. I am really tired fo being second in the beginning i did not realizethings, after i found out things really fell together. It amazes me that i could love a man that can never be mine. Truth be told i dont even want him for myself. If he would do this to his wife of 12 yrs my 2 yrs mean nothing. I will keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 10:19am
You are right i do know what i need to do. I just didnt know that it would be so hard. i will keep you posted though because i am leaving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 10:30am

Hi me, welcome to the board.


Sorry I have to make this brief- off to work in two minutes.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 3:48pm

Yes - keep us posted - we are always here to lend support. It sounds like you really know that you must break up with him and not see him anymore. I know you can do it.

Try to think of some fun new things you will do with your time. It may seem hard at first but then you are going to be happy not to have this stress.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 4:13pm
I know it is not much but i have ignored all his calls today. I have not called him and he really was not on my mind today besides when responding to my e-mail messages.Hopefully my will power will last for the rest of the evening and tomorrow.THANKS. I will keep updating you. Besides there is this one guy who keeps trying to get me to spend a little time with him so maybe i will take him up on one of his offers!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: meandmy5
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 5:02pm
Caller ID and blocking of emails are WONDERFUL things! Remember, you won't find Mr.Right when you are with Mr. Married. Also, keep in mind that what they will do with you, they will do to you! You deserve better than that.
Stephanie

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